Which is worse, a husband who loves you, but beats you, or one who doesn't love you, but neglects you?

Question

I myself would steer clear of both types of men, but theoretically, is there any major difference, is one of the above forms of abuse easier to bear than the other?
I think Abuse should not be tolerated in any form, don't you worry.

From some of the answers, it seems that some think I am talking from actual experience. Not mine, thank goodness! Unfortunately, my friend had to choose between two men, the situation as described in the question, I told her to steer clear of both. She decided on marrying the loveless man. Quelle surprise, he's neglecting her. She's now beginning to feel the emotional abuse. I'm trying my best to help her, but what can I do? She has to realise the situation for herself.

I would have shown her all your answers, if I thought it would help. (I doubt it, though.)

Answer 1

Neglect must be preferable; its not nice but its better than spending all that time in hospital.

Answer 2

A man who beats you does not love you, and a man who loves you does not beat you. Full stop. As to neglect, if he doesn't love you, of course he will neglect you as you aren't important. There are a lot of loveless marriages and relationships out there which can be soul-destroying as the neglected or abused begin to think that they don't deserve any better, that the fault is somehow in them. Which is total bollocks. Neither of the situations you describe is at all tolerable.

Answer 3

Jesus Christ - neither! Having experience of both, I can safely say that there are around 6 billion people on the planet and to choose someone who can't see how special you are when there are at least 3 billion others to choose from should bog off out of your life and ruin someone else's instead. If this is a question based on two actual people, it sounds like you have gradually allowed your standards to lower and either have very low self-esteem or just asscociate with the wrong people. Being alone and building yourself up and investing in yourself is the only way to go. It's hard at the time but you only have one life - why compromise and end up dying with regrets? Domestic violence is only carried out by people who have received/witnessed violence as kids, but that's no excuse! It is totally unacceptable and you will NEVER change this man. Most people have a shitty upbringing - you have to get on with it. Don't make the mistake of thinking that you only have two choices - you have a million different choices and two easy (but wrong) back ups that shouldn't even be an option. Bite the bullet, leave the husband and make the life of your dreams. Easy for me to say? I did it and it's f*****g hard but looking back, I could have endured another 5 years in that relationship and am lucky to be alive. Hope you are OK - good luck! Lots of love. x x x

Answer 4

Either types of this behavior is not a husband. If you are in this situation I think I would seperate for awhile and have him wake up. If he doesnt then I would move on. I was beaten and its not something I am proud of but will not tolerate it any more especially when it was in front of the kids. You have to sit back and think of how you were before you met your husband and ask your self the same question.... Would I let someone beat me and of course your going to say no so if he is then why are you letting it happen. Hate to answer your question with a question but hopefully this helps. take care

Answer 5

Agnostic Queen, that replaced right into a poor element to say. though, i'd basically favor to say that I laughed out loud. definite, you've been a foul husband; you reported it your self like 5 circumstances for the period of your question. so a procedures as replacing... wellll in case you recognize what you do is undesirable, yet you nonetheless do it, you want counselling. Or reformatory. which could do the trick too, i'm confident... very few nutrition for concept: beating a pregnant female is seen tried homicide on the toddler. not that i imagine it may faze you, yet basically throwing it available...

Answer 6

Well, a husband that beats his wife, doesn't love her. Because if he did, he would respect her and realize the two of them are of equal authority and that a wife is not his play toy to beat. And, if a man marries a woman he doesn't love, he's just an idiot. I can tell if someone loves or doesn't, so from the start, I wouldn't get myself involved with someone who neglected me and didn't love me. And, if a man were to beat me, his a-s-s would be in deep sh*t; I have six brothers and a ton of male cousins, *wink*.

Answer 7

I agree, hon. They're both bad. I'd say a husband who doesn't love you but neglects you is worse.
Emotional abuse is every bit as painful as physical abuse...depending on what type of person you are.
Since I'm a sensitive being, I'd say the neglect is worse than physical pain.

Answer 8

both are horrible though i'd go for the husband who loves you beats you. i mean, i don't care how much he claims and says 'i love you'- it is not an excuse to stay or remain faithful to him, if he persists on treating a woman like a punchbag. the one who doesn't love you but neglects you- there is a difference seeing as it could imply that there is a severe lack of spice in the relationship. alas, though if the guy who neglects you ends up cheating on you, then that is terrible in itself. the important thing is for a woman or man to be with someone who will love them regardless and who treats them with respect. and respect doesn't mean people have to put their hands on someone and neither is it about pretending you have feelings for someone and behaving as if everything is alright when its not. and you're right, abuse- in whatever shape or form cannot be condoned or tolerated, whatsoever

Answer 9

One that beats you doesnt love you and one that dosent love will always neglect you so really at least the second guy you already know what to expect from him and there wont be as much of a emotional rollercoaster. Personally I will stick with my hubby, these two are not good options

Answer 10

The first case is an impossible scenario: if a husband loves his wife, he won't beat her. A beater may *say* he loves her, but his actions show otherwise. This is a trap a lot of women get stuck in...they're getting beaten, but they think, "oh, but he still loves me, he just loses control!" No, he doesn't love them -- people who love each other don't hurt each other.

There's no reason to stay in the second kind of marriage either, except perhaps for kids. But if there's no love, neglect is to be expected, don't you think?

Women shouldn't put up with any of this junk, IMHO. If you are married to somebody who treats you badly, he doesn't love you -- dump him and find someone who does. Don't think he'll change (he won't), don't think he loves you but just has problems (he doesn't) -- LEAVE HIM. There are plenty of men who will love you and treat you with respect, but even if you don't find one, you're better off alone than with one of these losers.

Answer 11

I would rather a husband who doesnt love me and neglects me. At least I may still have a bit of confidence to have an affair to get the affection i need.