Just wondering... I think I still love my husband very much. But, we just seem to be going in different directions in life now. He took a job in Calif. and comes home 6 days a month, and now he's going to school up there. I don't think I'll ever get over his being able to leave me behind...and, before this job he took 8 months ago we were talking about plans of a family, I quit my job, etc. And, now he says we can't have a family until he finishes school in 1 1/2 years. He said, we can have a family in 2008! I am 34 now!! How do you know when to call it quits I guess is my question. Do you continue to sacrifice yourself in the hopes that you may one day have a family? What if he comes up with some other reason to wait to have a family and my life just whizzes on by. Aahh! Just frustrated. He seems to think they're is nothing wrong with waiting for a family, yet it's not his biological clock ticking. He doesn't even seem to hear me about my concern. And, he's not even home & it's xmas!
2006-12-24 06:03:49 · 11 answers · asked by Hear2Help 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
WEll, he was originally supposed to only be in Cali. for a year so it didn't make sense to move. From that point it seems he likes it there and now he is enrolled in nursing school to get his RN. He is pretty satisfied with our living arrangements b/c the cost of living here in La. is pretty cheap. To move with him to Cali. would not be cost effective. Hence, his supposed reason for taking the darn job. I've explained that until I'm blue in the face that he should find a job here. He insists that he is focused on school so that he can triple our income. However, even after he becomes an RN his intentions are to remain in Calif. and continue his job there. His ultimate goal is to fly home every other week. He is currently living with 3 RN's (married too) and that is the schedule that they have maintained for 9 months. I just feel like family isn't all that important to him, even though he insists he's doing this for me. Now, he won't be able to come home but every 3 months or so. sucks.
2006-12-24 08:02:08 · update #1
yes, people do get divorced even though they love each other. sometimes love just isn't enough, and it sounds like that is the case in this situation.
if your husband doesn't complete you and make you better person, and isn't your partner in crime, there for you as much as you are for him, or is only looking out for his future and best interest, then you should consider moving on.
what if he did decide to give you your wish, would you want to be home by yourself raising the baby while he is off doing his own thing in california?
2006-12-24 07:00:36 · answer #1 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first wife and I divorced after 4 years of marriage. We were high school sweethearts. When we decided together that our marriage wasn't working, we ended it and split everything down the middle. I will never forget her last words to me "I still love you and I want you to be happy." She said that with tears in her eyes and I had a few myself. However we both knew it was going to take more than love to make our marriage work. Love may have been the foundation but the house was never built. Yes people do get divorced even tho they still love each other. It's probably harder to do because when you hate someone it's much easier to get passed the pains of separation. At age 34 you are pushing the timetable of having children. If you divorce now it would be difficult to find someone new and still have time to bear children. Talk to your husband. Tell him what your feeling. I sympathize with you and I hope everything works out for the best.
2006-12-24 06:11:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is NOT criticism, I need clarification...
Why can't you move to California with him?
I took a temporary assignment outside the US and my husband cannot move to join me. However, this "temp" assignment started 2 years ago and looks like it is going to be longer term than expected and I don't know if he will wait around. I don't know if *I* want him to wait because I want him to be happy and he isn't.
We could be in exactly the same boat as you and your husband in the next six months or so and if so, we would split and still be friends. We love each other, but we also love our careers which are drawing us further and further apart. I could never ask him to give up his career and vice versa because the resentment would destroy the marriage we would be trying to save.
Sorry for rambling...
2006-12-24 06:16:25 · answer #3 · answered by Zana 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, unfortunately it happens. The problem is that I think that many couples today do not understand that there are two aspects to love. The first is an emotion - and many people stop there.
The second is a commitment, a commitment to become one couple and to live for each other, and not just themselves. To care for each other as they would care for themselves. The commitment part of love seems to get misplaced and personal priorities take over.
I believe that if two people truly love each other and place the interests of the other above their own as it should be, divorce in such cases would be unnecessary.
2006-12-24 06:07:53 · answer #4 · answered by Toms777 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You sound very confused and lonely. You are trying to plan a family with a man who is not there for you. A baby would complicate things more. I think you need to find a good counselor. Your hubby is doing what's best for himself and you need to the same for yourself. Find out what it is . Love cannot fix these things,
2006-12-24 06:08:33 · answer #5 · answered by parapluie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bamma say you seem like nice lady. Bamma say you make fine mommy. Bamma say you move on you rush into new relationship just to have kid. Bamma say you already have that man. Bamma say it ony 1 1/2 year. Bamma say no worry about what someone say in future. Bamma say impossible to tell. Bamma say no lose hair thinking about it. Bamma say in 1 1/2 year if he still no want baby. Bamma say then rush into it with some dude. Bamma say life already passing you by. Bamma say you not too old yet. Bamma say think of future. Bamma say this man a good man. Bamma say he working hard to make better future. Bamma say how old is man. Bamma say you have any kid yet. Bamma say Merry Christmas. Bamma say so.
2006-12-24 06:10:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do not find it cause for divorce, but in all truth, it's really up to you. I am married to someone in the military, so he's not always home, and he's not home for the holidays this year.
Try to work out a compromise, if you want this marriage to work.
2006-12-24 06:06:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes they can and it does happen. And sometimes become the best of friends. They just realize that being married was not the best thing for them.
But why should you put your life on hold when he is going on with accomplishing things he has set for himself?
2006-12-24 06:06:21 · answer #8 · answered by â¤??? ?å???? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me lke your husband is very Shelfish-however you are the only one to make that decision as to wether you stay or go.
2006-12-24 06:07:22 · answer #9 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love him, stay. If not, save both of yourselves and leave. Good luck.
2006-12-24 07:16:17 · answer #10 · answered by crazyloonynice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋