Please help i'm at the end of my tether?

Question

I couldnt help but be nosey and I read my 19 year old daughter's
diary. What I read horrified me to the core. I will spare the disgusting details, but it talked about her and her friends sexual
fantasy. The problem is it involved me being tortured. I don't
know what to do. Do I ignore it, confront her,tell my husband,I
just don't kwow,I feel humiliated and can't stop crying.
Serious replies only PLEASE

Answer 1

Oh 'eck!

This is a REALLY tricky one, isn't it?

At least she is only talking about a FANTASY at it's not the real thing.

As with most fantasies, they are very rarely re-enacted in real life.

Also, as for you being tortured, haven't you ever felt malice towards your loved ones in the heat of the moment? Don't your kids ever drive you SO mad that you want to lock 'em in a dark cupboard and throw away the key?

See what I'm getting at here?

It's no good me advising you to ignore it, because that's impossible for you to do. Just think of it as the rantings of a teenager. She's just putting her thoughts down on paper and this is her way of venting her frustrations.

Your husband might just realise something is wrong because you can't stop crying, so maybe it's best if you share this information with him. But then again, only you are the best judge of that.

I most CERTAINLY would NOT confront your daughter, this will do more damage than good.

I do hope this hasn't ruined your Christmas, and I'll be thinking of you.

Ignore all the answers advising you to go into therapy! Bloomin yanks!!

All the very best.

Answer 2

Well, I think you should just carry on as normal, would you really want her to know that you know about this? I kept a diary for years, and sometimes you write strong feelings because that's how you feel at the time. Even a few days later i would cringe at what I had written a few days before. It doesn't mean that she wants to hurt you in any way, but I would keep an eye out for unusual behaviour, and i would NOT read it again, reading a diary is like invading someones head, would you like anyone to know every sick and sordid thought that crosses your(any everyone elses) mind everyday?

I know i would be mortified if people knew some of the stuff that pops into my little head every so often.

Answer 3

I'd take the diary, make your husband read it, and discuss what to do about this situation. I'd also make copies of the diary, and give to the therapist you are going to demand she see immediately.

In this day and age, and all the crazy stuff kids are capable of, I would definately confront her with the diary's content about torturing you. I'd demand some very detailed explanations from her. I'd also demand a straight forward and sincere apology from her. Kids these days show very little respect for their elders.

If she give's you any flak at all, kick her A** out of the house until she can bring you a certified statement from a mental health expert that's she's cured. Otherwise you are taking a very serious chance.

Don't take this matter lightly. Kids these days have a big problem acting out some form of role playing and such. If she wrote this all down in her diary she wasn't doing it as a joke. It's for real. She's a disrespectful heathen.

If she was my kid I'd beat the living sh*t out of her and then throw her butt out on the street and tell her to learn some repect for her parents or stay the hell gone from our lives.

Answer 4

Honestly, remember what it was like to be a teenager. Girls hate their moms during puberty for some reason. I wouldn't tell her that you read her diary or it will make it worse. You invaded her privacy. She is still entitled to private thoughts no matter how disgusting. The part that scares me is that she derives some pleasure from the idea of torturing you. I would try to have a discussion with her about whether she is sexually active etc. Just don't push and no matter what she says don't let her see it bother you. She could've written that know that you would read it. If you are seeing other signs of trouble that may indicate heavy drinking or drugs you need to discuss it with her and fast. If she doesn't want to be cooperative, you may want to consider asking her to move out.

Answer 5

Wow, that is really a serious situation! Without knowing more about your daughter and how your husband would react, I would hesitate to give any definite advice, but if your husband is the level-headed, supportive type, I would go to him immediately. You really need support! Whatever you do, DON'T IGNORE IT! I think that at the very least your daughter has some very serious issues and needs therapy. From this point on, I would pay very close attention to her behavior for the time being until you can feel out the situation.

Answer 6

I think you are just being hysterical as no daughter or child would ever enjoy doing that to their parents especially their mother. So don't get worked up for nothing, in a way that will teach you to respect the privacy of your children. If she sees you panicking, she will imediately know that you invaded her privacy. Have respect for your daughter and she in turn will reciprocate in kind.
I'm sure she didn't mean anything she wrote in her diary, but she just did so to really see if what she thought of you was correct, and yes, you have just showed her that you were snooping into her affairs. Shame on you. Merry Christmas and hope you will, from today onwards, trust your daughter and at 19, I believe she knows what is right or wrong.

Answer 7

There must be a reason for this. You need to confront her and ask her why she thinks this is happening. You need to get to the bottom of her feeling so you can fix any trouble she might have.

You will need family consuling, as you obviously hurt her someway you don't even realize, and maybe when she is confronted she will be confused and she will say hurtful stuff. So you need to expect her to be harsh with you.

Don't fight her, though, and make it clear whatever you did you want to make up. Mind, maybe you didn't do anything wrong, she just felt it that way for some reason. Don't feel guitly until you know what is happening.

Good luck, honestly.

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Miran.

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Answer 8

I think you should tell your husband. What's done is done; you already read her diary. What type of relationship do you have with your daughter? Is she a good kid? Does she cause you trouble? Did something happen to her in her past? Maybe she needs some counseling. Do not ignore this; you might be saving your child in the end.

Teenagers seem to think they know everything. I know; I was one ten years ago. Being 30 now, I see the light...but at 19 I didn't. She's going to be mad at you for reading her diary, but who cares? You're the parent. Speak up!

Answer 9

She's a little old for fantasies that will never happen. 12 - 16 year olds have those 'I hate everyone' thoughts usually. It depends on when the stuff was written. Did she know you snoop? Did she leave a trap for you? How is your relationship normally on a day to day basis? I would have concerns, don't blab yet, that may be her trying to flush you out for being nosey. just be very, very careful and see how it goes. If she means it, you'll know soon enough by her behaviour.

Answer 10

Fantasies are Fantasies only to a certain point. I never once invisioned the torture of someone as a fantasy I would ever want to have. I would seriously casually bring this up with your daughter, and if necessary get some counseling for her or pay attention on how she acts. There may be something laying dorment inside her, which could cause someone to get hurt or worse cause her to act out that "fantasy". It is not normal to have fantasies of torturing your parents.