How can I get my 13 year old daughter to realize she needs to have a relationship with her dad? He loves her very much and lives 5 hours away. She won't even talk to him on the phone. I divorced him when she was 4. He was very verbaly abusive, but only to me. When i left him my daughter and i had to move in an apartment, where we still are. We had to leave her dog behind and her dad gave it away. She says she will never talk to him until he gets her dog back, which is not possible and she knows that. I think she is using this as an excuse. What can i do?
2006-12-24 05:29:34 · 22 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you can trust him to act right around you (meaning that he is not verbally abusing you anymore), why not invite him to some activity outside of your home, like ice skating or maybe your daughter's play or sporting event and then dinner at a restaurant.
It would give them time to interact and allow her to form a different opinion. If he deserves a second chance in her life, he can earn it. Just saying out of it and hoping it resolves itself won't work because the lack of communication will kill it. By not having him over to your home, it provides neutral ground so that she doesn't have to feel threatened like he is invading her space.
Try maybe once every three months for a year and maybe she will come around and start inviting him, or maybe she won't, but this plan is at least a chance to open communication.
2006-12-24 06:03:06 · answer #1 · answered by Zana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There isn't much you can do. You can't force your daughter to have a relationship with this man if she doesn't want to because she might end up resenting you too. Talk to her, be there for her. She may have some bottled up emotions towards the man that she's been holding in and that is not healthy for a 13 year old girl. Be her mother and her friend.
2006-12-24 08:18:48 · answer #2 · answered by ladystarrchild107 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drop it. You fired her dad, either get her a new one or leave it (her situation) alone. People can grow up just fine with a single parent. It is actually the economics surrounding the single parent that plays the part. If you can afford the lifestyle that two- parent incomes have, without the extra time away from home, then yor daughter will be fine. No it wont mean that she will be promiscuous, just the oppostite, she will be more independent.
2006-12-24 05:43:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this would be tough. It almost sounds like your daughter is behaving this way to get her own way. I really think that she needs to have a relationship with her father. He won't be around forever you know what I mean. Maybe you could try some counseling if she still has a grudge against him for giving the dog away.
2006-12-24 05:36:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered getting counseling for your daughter? I know there is a high liklihood that the dog may not even be alive anymore (my mom gave away my dog when I was 14, and I had always hoped to see her again, but now I know she must be in doggy heaven)
Anyhow, you can't push her, he can't push her - but she needs therapy - to learn how to grieve over her lost dog, as well as learn to forgive and understand that during a divorce, things were NOT her fault and also NOT in her control. I think a licensed therapist could really help her.
2006-12-24 05:49:07 · answer #5 · answered by KB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is 13 need I say more? Don't worry about this. Before you can find an answer, she will be onto something else. Her Dad is the mature one, hopefully. He needs to find a way to get to her. She has been hurt and in her mind she is staying away from the pain. If you have said bad things about her Dad, then you have yourself to blame too. This should be between her and her Dad. The two of them have got to want a relationship.It's not all up to her. Good luck.
2006-12-24 05:39:09 · answer #6 · answered by sunny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What has been done about your ex's verbal abuse? if that has not been worked through then you are encouraging your daughter into a position that exposes her to his verbal abuse. if that has been accomplished then you need to explain that if that would have been accomplished earlier you and him would have stayed together. next step will be for him to apologize to her for the hurt he caused BOTH of you. although this apology could be done by letter the best would be for him to make a special trip 5 hrs each direction just to come and apologize personally to her because that will show her that he is serious and really does feel remorseful. after that you and he will have to wait for her to come around while you treat each other respectfully consistently because she will be looking intently for any sign that he has not really changed and could still hurt either of you. she will not resume relationships with him until she is satisfied that she can do so safely
2006-12-25 11:16:47 · answer #7 · answered by David C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How comes you got divorced 9 years ago and now you want to show your little one she needs to have a relationship with his father? if he loves her so much, why did he allowed their relationship -if any- to be damaged so much she won't talk to him again?
You know this is not about the dog. She is so dissappointed of her father for abandoning her that she will ask for something impossible in return. And if he delivers a dog, she will then ask for something equally impossible to fullfill so she can forgive him. She will put him in test and he will have to gain her trust again working is way trough it.
You see? She needs to see his father will do something impossible for her, so leaving her will hurt so much he won't do it again. He needs to prove worthy of her love, something he had for free and he lost. Now he has to regain it.
Doesn't have to do anything with you or your own relationship with him. It's about he abandoning her. I bet there were long periods of time without even a call. He needs to pay for it. Let him gain again her love and her trust. Not an easy thing to do, and you should not tell your daughter to make it easier for him.
Mind, she doens't even know that is what is going on. She is not doing it on purpose. She only needs to feel secure again.
Just a clue -
.
Miran.
.
2006-12-24 05:50:59 · answer #8 · answered by Miranto 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he needs to write her a letter explaining the following:
#1. Things happen in life that are beyond our control.
#2. It's impossible to get the dog back.
#3. Even if he could, it's not allowed where she lives.
#4. He dearly loves her, and wishes that she would forgive him.
2006-12-24 05:41:10 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right it is an excuse------------I would tell he until she can start acting like an unspoiled baby and act like a well behaved, smart kid then you dont want to listen to any of her "old" excuses for not seeing or talking to her dad. Once she realizes you are NO LONGER letting her GET AWAY with it she will stop the nonsense.
2006-12-24 05:38:41 · answer #10 · answered by nickle 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋