I have been "seeing" this guy for two months and he is recently divorced (March) He has dated two women since then and says that he ended things because they were rushing the relationships. Now especially in the past two weeks we have been hanging out and talking more. Last night we had a talk and mutually agreed that we were basically firends with benfits for now and were both free t odate other people. He told me he feared us ruining our friendship , we have known each other two years and that he did nt want anyone to get hurt, but that things could evolve over time. I like him, but not thinking I am in love or anything, but should I seee what happens or what? Is it possible for this to turn into something?
2006-12-24 05:15:16 · 21 answers · asked by dontknow 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just be very careful. I'm not saying this is true for all men, but usually guys say they don't want anyone to get hurt when they are avoiding committment issues. If you guys are both really okay with friends with benefits then I would say enjoy it while it lasts, but be aware that at somepoint, one of you will get hurt.
2006-12-24 05:19:12 · answer #1 · answered by Simon S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So is this what you are saying? You have been "seeing" this guy for 2 mos. and he wants you both to see other people while you still see each other and that you and he are friends with benefits (what does that mean?) and the others he sees won't have these benefits?
My advice is go ahead and be friends (just friends like all of the others) and PLEASE don't live together while you are both "seeing" others. He hasn't even been divorced for 1 yr. and has already ended 2 relationships. Why hasn't he ended the relationship with you?
Just say no!!! He hasn't been single long enough to have his head together. Just be his friend if you can without all of the benefits (whatever those are). You might be another ended relationship if you don't agree to the added benefits but I don't think you will be the loser in that area in the long run.
What I am trying to say is: Be friends, date, have fun, see others but don't get too serious with him cause I don't think he is capable of that right now and you will get hurt. He has already given you the clue. He doesn't want to be pushed. In the meantime, see other people and maybe it will work out with him and maybe you will meet someone else that you want to be with more than him. Whatever!!! Give yourself that option.
2006-12-24 05:38:00 · answer #2 · answered by SUSAN K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a possibility for this to turn into something more, but don't count on it. Dating three women in 9 months after a divorce is normal for a guy; normal for a guy to forget his ex, to feel many, to get the sex he is missing form his his ex wife.
Most likely he would use the "rushing" excuse with you if you wanted more than friends with benefits. In the long run, you are going to be pushed aside - he is using you to get over his ex and will break it off at the first sign you want a commitment.
2006-12-24 05:23:55 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the best things in life is the ability not to see the future or whats the use of living if we knew what tomorrow would bring. Anthing is possible if you just believe. None of us can tell you if your relationship will blossom into something or not but at this time of year,theres alot of Christmas miracles still available if you believe in Christmas. It does sound like you just want to remain friends for the time being but both are unsure if youre willing to take it a step higher. Just worry about today and tomorrow will take care of itself. Good luck and Merry Christmas
2006-12-24 05:58:22 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take it from some who is divorced if nothing has happened in the two years you have been friends seriously doubt anything will now so be friends with benefits and just date others and have fun if its meant to be it will come back to you between the two of you if not its just what it sounds like two people making each other happy at the time
2006-12-24 05:21:25 · answer #5 · answered by ladychains 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not just sit back and see what happens yet at the same time go out and enjoy yourself------------the guys not even been divorced for a year-he needs time to re adjust to everything too. Nothing says you can't remain friends. Nothing says it will work out either.. If it were meant to be, it will happen. If not you still have a good friend
2006-12-24 05:29:43 · answer #6 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your last question is "Is it possible for this to turn into something?" yes and most likely this will turn into a mess where you will get hurt emotionally. what he is saying he wants is "benefits" without any commitment to you. While he is enjoying the benefits from you he would like to shop around for a permanent replacement for his wife. most likely these two other gals expected the relationship to have the matching commitment level that would be expected with the benefits he expects but he is not ready for that.
at a minimum you need to cut the "benefits" off while you wait to see what happens but take it from a guy you are wasting your life waiting for this man.
2006-12-25 11:31:10 · answer #7 · answered by David C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy sounds like a jerk and he probably wasn't the one who ended the last two relationships or his marriage. Sounds like he just wants to slut around and get all kinds of benefits, but yet have you on the side when there is noone else to have sex with. That is sad for you . I personally would not want to develop a relationship like that, I also wouldn't want to develop a STD either. Sounds to me like you need to make a decision not to be his little Tramp when he wants to come back for more. Life should not be lived like a Soap Opera.
2006-12-24 05:55:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is being very honest with you and that is a good thing. Take it slow and see how it evolves. But the problem I have is that he is willing to sleep with you but not willing to call you his girlfriend which means he is willing to sleep around as well.
If yall are friends..then be friends...but dont give him his cake and ice cream. Make him work for you. Just because he is divorced is on him, not you. Dont allow him to use that as a crutch to treat you like a piece of *** that he can have when he wants. Be more of a woman about yours!!!!!
2006-12-24 05:19:49 · answer #9 · answered by â¤??? ?å???? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you actually want to be friends with benefits or would you prefer a 'committed' all be it slow going relationship,,if you just want someone to sleep with and he does too,,fine but you must be honest about anything you feel or you are agreeing just to keep the peace and that isnt a relationship.it is fine to say,,ok taking things slow is one thing but i dont want to date other people,,,,,he may be scared ,,it is understandable but you have to give him basic permission to see other women and sorry to say,,if that were me i would have to say i dont want that,you really have nothing to lose by saying what you think and even if it is a niggling doubt you have to say it or once something goes wrong,,say you get jealous he cant see you because of someone else he is going to think you are trying to control the situation and maybe even him and that doesnt seem your intention at all. anything is fine as long as you can sleep at night with what you have done or are doing but if you are at odds with yourself,it has to be acknowledged.have a word with yourself and then with him,,he will be grateful for your honesty rather than having fights later on.
2006-12-24 05:26:40 · answer #10 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋