I truly love my wife for the past 12 yrs and never once I did not love her. She is the diamond in my heart. All the while , my wife don't know that I love her so much. She is always in the dark. I seldom spend time with her and hardly have sex and touch her. Unfortunately, She fell in love and have cyber sexual affair with a man a few months ago. The relationship was beautiful and marvellous until one day I decided to spill the beans and confronted my wife. I am aware of the affair quite sometime ago but kept quiet about it. If I have not reveal the secret, both of them would have been deeply in love by now. Unfortunately, I did the wrong thing by stopping their relationship and now my wife is with me. My question is :
1. Is it that my wife don't love me? is that the reason she fell in love with another man?
2. I reveal the secret and my wife is with me now. IIs this forcing her to love me??
3. Does she really love me cos of our kids?
4. Shd I keep quiet n let them be in love n I quit?
2006-12-24 03:23:03 · 12 answers · asked by frankie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
1. either she fell out of love with you, or she's questioning the relationship. Why didnt you show her that you loved her as much as you say you do? If you had done that, then there would have been no reason for her to look elsewhere.
2. No, unless you told her to end it with the guy and stay with you. If you confronted her about it, she had the decision to stay with you or leave to go to him and obviously she chose you. You didnt force her to make that decision.
3. She may be staying with you because of your kids but thats something you should ask her, because no one wants to get kids involved with a problem cuz a split with the two of you will affect your kids dramatically.
4. No, you should def not keep quiet. This relationship with her online friend and her is affecting you as well and you should talk to your wife, maybe show her how much you love her, maybe even go to a marriage conselor to work things out. But dont give up, if your still in love with her. Explore your possibilities especially for the sake of your children. You dont want to hurt them either.
2006-12-24 03:33:51 · answer #1 · answered by J 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ok...I think your wife probably still loves you but if she isn't getting attention from you that most women need, she is going to find it else where. It was smart of you to reveal your knowledge about the affair. Maybe now you both can get your feelings out into the open. Why don't you spend time with her? Hey we all are busy. My husband and I make a point to spend the week end together at least once a month. No phone, tv or kids. Just us. And at least twice a week we have lunch together. It takes effort but he's worth it. I don't understand why you aren't intimate with her. She may not want to make the first move because she doesn't think she is beautiful enough. If you REALLY love her you will open up and be honest and make the marriage work. Good luck
2006-12-24 05:26:05 · answer #2 · answered by sweetie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
1. She fell in love with another man because you neglected her needs. So she searched for it outside of the marriage. If you love her and want to make it work you need to give her the things she needs. ie....love, emotional support, sex, ect. Don't let her wander if you love her. make her KNOW you love her.
2. She is still with you because obveously she still loves you. maybe she realizes what she did was wrong. yes there were reasons she did it but it doesn't make them right. Maybe it was a wake up call for you.
3. I am sure she loves you because of the kids and because of you. You need to get off your butt and show some initiative before you do lose her for good.
4. No you should not be quiet. You need to make her put a stop to the affair and then perhaps go to counciling for the two of you. it soubnds like the marriage is able to be saved.
2006-12-24 03:47:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. i'm sure your wife loves you, but she's not "in love" with you anymore. you have to show people attention every once and a while.
2. no, you are not forcing her to love you. you can't force someone to have feelings that they don't. the individual can't even force themselves to have feelings that aren't there. for whatever reason, she's there. just because she stayed it doesn't mean that she loves you.
3. she is probably staying because of the children
4. you did the right thing be confronting her about the affair. did you really want to share your wife with another person? i realize that you want her to be happy, but how about YOU try to make her happy instead of letting others do it.
2006-12-24 04:42:39 · answer #4 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
MEN!!!!!!
WHY WOULD YOU NOT MAKE LOVE TO HER OR TOUCH HER??
I MEAN YOU LOVE HER SO YOU SAY. SO WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? OR IS IT THAT MAYBE YOUR HAVING PRIVATE PROBLEMS YOU CANNT SAY IT HERE?
SHE IS THE DIAMOND OF YOUR HEART YET YOU CAN BRING YOUR SELF TO TELL HER OR TOUCH HER OR EVEN SHOW HER THIS LOVE YOU COME HERE TO SAY.
WAIT ... I KNOW SEX IS NOT EVERYTHING BUT IS A PART OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. A TOUCH IS SOMETHING A HUMAN BEING DESIRES SO VERY MUCH.
INSTEAD OF SPILLING THE BEANS BY TELLING HER YOU MY FRIEND SHOULD HAVE SHOW HER YOUR LOVE INSTEAD OF MAKING HER FEEL WORSE.
AM NOT SAYING SHE WAS NOT DOING SOMETHING GOOD HERE BECAUSE CYBERING WITH A MALE OR A FEMALE IN THE NET IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP. IS FAKE IS IMAGINATION.
BUT LETS FACE IT, EITHER A MAN OR A WOMAN WHEN IS NOT GETTING THE ATTENTION SHE OR HE WANTS IS GOING TO FIND IT ANYWHERE ELSE. THINK ABOUT IT.
2006-12-24 03:44:40 · answer #5 · answered by ââ¢Â¥*~áƦ~NYSunrise~áƦ~*ââ¢Â¥ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you feel that she don't love you and you feel that she is only there for the kids, You should tell her about how you feel, and take it from there.Remember you need to be happy just like you think that she's happy dealing with a cyber friend. There's no real relationship, it's now something that she's missing from home. So give her what she's needs from you and hopefully she will get the picture.
2006-12-24 03:41:05 · answer #6 · answered by swilliams63@sbcglobal.net 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hmm you have alot on your mind but i have to say the answer to your 4 questions is yes yes yes and no. you did the right thing by confronting her and i know it hurts alot. the thing is its not mainly her fault. you never showed affection towards her. she might fall in love with that man or just wanted sex thats it. but once she did that and she s still with you idk if the love is still there. i think she doesnt want complications with children and divorce but something has to be done. you cant live with a person you know doesnt really love you. i mean you are more innocent than her. if she felt neglected she should ve talked to you first and you would ve changed right?!? not run and have an affair. even if it is cyber its still an affair because she s thinking of having sex with another man. what you need to do right this minute is confront her again and ask her if she really loves you. i dont think she truly does but thats just my opinion. your hurt i know but you have to take action before she hurts you more. before doing anything talk to her about all of this just talk. dont quit just yet but think of letting her go. keep the children. lol =]
GOOD LUCK
2006-12-24 03:32:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Firstly a man who witholds love from his wife, then proffessing to love her dearly needs to have his head read. Your attitude is what has driven her to seek love elsewhere, since she has lost hope in you. You are plain foolish! All women need to be told that their men love them. Women are emotional and its a cry of every female heart to be told often: "My darling I love you!" If you cannot think constructively and sensibly I dont think you deserve to have a wife. If you loose her its your own fault. Stop acting out of pride and do what is right by her. Start wooing her again. Take her flowers. Start dating her again and this time confess your love to her and become a team and best friends. Its never to late. Change your silly mindset. it is immature and pathetic to say the least! BEcome accountable and stop operating like a sick teenager which you are not supposed to be anymore. Be a man!
She probably still loves you but her love has grown cold since she has no idea that you love her. Wake up foolish man!
2006-12-24 03:36:49 · answer #8 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Seek professional assistance, as to why you were unable to love her in a wifely manner. That's the root of your issue.
2006-12-24 05:18:38 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Was she planning on leaving you before she started the cybersex ?
If not, just put an end to the cybersex and move on with her...
2006-12-24 05:35:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋