Divorce advice. I am going to be going thorugh a divorce but don't know where to start.?

Question

I am a mother of three young kids my income is about 20,000 to 25,000 a year. I have tried putting it off but husband it getting worse not better. I can't afford a lawyer and the house we own is in both of our names. I have been told if i move out it will look worse for me in getting custody of our children. But he won't leave. He is making christmas miserable for my kids and myself i am determined this is the last year he will do that to us any advice will help i don't know where to start.

My husband will not do marriage counseling or separate for that matter.

and fyi its not like i am jsut giving up we have been together for nine years he was never perfect but no one is he was not like he is now in the beginning but after 3 years of it being horrible and trying to help him through whatever it is he is going through i can't help him i see that now and he doesn't want to change i don't expect mr mom but i expect him to treat my kids and myself with respect and some love both of which he does not do

I know i will be in trouble financially but is that a reason to stay i don't think so i have tried to respect my husband but how much can you respect some one who tries to hurt your children and yourself

Answer 1

If you move out of the house it doesn't mean you will lose custody. However you could end up losing the house. You say he is making you all miserable. Is there any Domestic violence going on? If that is the case you can get a no contact /restraining order on him and they do not cost you. And then he WILL have to leave the house.

Answer 2

Contact city hall in your area and any government offices as well. You might qualify for legal aid, and I know that you can get a do it yourself divorce kit at staples or a book store, you need to file for divorce and I am pretty sure that you can do at leas this yourself. Now, the next advice I am going to give you is a bit evil, but I think it will help. Call the Police all hysterical and crying, tell them your husband has threatened to kill you and the kids and do all you can to get a restraining order, better yet, show up in a police station all pretty and vulnerable with All YOUR KIDS with you and tearfully tell them that you fear for your life and the lives of your precious little ones. Now. it will hopefully get you something called an order of protection or a restraining order and your soon to be ex will not be able to get back in your home without being arrested. Sometimes you need to be a heartless nasty human being to get what you want.
Be strong you will get through this.

Answer 3

you both need therapy. will you really be better off financially with 3 kids without the man? How about you changing first and learning to respect and communicate effectively and not rub mud in his face all the time. This situation sounds immature on both sides to me

Men are under extreme pressure these days to keep the fuel on the cooker. I would suggest reading Wild at Heart and Captivating by John Eldredge and Staci Eldredge to put things into perspective. I am not walking in your shoes, so its difficult to understand your position from what you say, but I sense both of you need help. See a Pastor at your church or find a good pastor who is willing to help you both and even if your man wont go, you go for your own growth and maturing. it really is worth it. You might find things change.

Become more confident too. Dont fear. Trust God. Be less in his face and be accountable. Look at the website; www.joycemeyer.org and watch her television broadcasts live on your pc. There is a woman who knew what it was like to have dirt up her nose and look at what God did to change things for her. She is awesome to watch. Go through her various archived ministries and choose the ones appropriate to you. She speaks about becoming confident women. Ride this boat a little longer and trust God to fix the mess. He does. He is the restorer. DOnt listen to bad advise from the wrong people. Lend your ears out to God only. His wisdom is far above anything you can ever imagine.

God Bless. THis is the better route to take.

Oh and MERRY CHRISTMAS

Answer 4

Dear, you can not afford, NOT to have a lawyer.
Go to one and ask about making payments for legal advice. You need to find out about bank accounts, I hope you have an account of your own. And Yes, leaving would make you look bad. You really need some good direction about how to go about this. Please get some advice. If you do not you will regret it for the rest of your life. Good luck, you can make a new life for yourself, I raised two great children by myself. And make sure your lawyer is up on all the latest divorce laws. The way my divorce was written, my husband paid unspecified child support. He took it off his taxes at the end of the year. And I paid into it as if it were part of my income. This was not correct, child support is not income. Make sure you get written into the divorce decree, that he pays for doctor bills for the children, dentist, and that he will help them with four years of college each.

Answer 5

Do not start a relationship with him until he is divorced. How do you know for sure that he is separated? A lot of men just say that, so they can get someone on the side. If they have ben separated "for years", he should have been able to get the money for divorce. You say there are no children, so it's not like he is spending his money on child support. It is never okay to start a relationship with someone who is still married.

Answer 6

I don't answer very many of these but here are some things you ought to know.

Yes, if you leave, you loose. And since the house is in both names, don't. But , you don't have to play wife to him either.... (Move to a separate bedroom) Does he know you are planning to divorce him? If he doesn't, inform him. Assuming he knows, do this divorce thing in a civil way --- decide who is to get what, how your property is to be split, and probably plan to sell the house. You don't need to afford an attorney , hon, .... see a mediating attorney --- find one in the yellow pages. One can represent you both. (If you have each agreed who gets what, the charge is usually in the range of $75-300, but check to be sure in your local area....) Otherwise, if you get into an adverserial stance with you with one attorney, and he another, you both loose...... about $6,000 each.... dumb. The mediator will fill out the papers as you instruct, and file. but again, you both have to agree, otherwise, you are in some big court battle (read $$$). Until the house is sold, or you decide where you or he decides where he wishes to go, live as roommates. If you want the house, then you will be giving up other parts of your estate to him. There's lots of other stuff to consider too.... write if you need more. (would not suggest a false drama queen entrance at the police station, hon.... stupid....)

Answer 7

With your income at that level, you can afford a lawyer. I know it's hard when one spends up to thier income to find the $$ for "extras"
I forced my husband out, I had no income at all and 2 pre teens to support. I had to get away from him. I simply threw his clothes out on the lawn. I couldn't even afford to change the locks. I told him I was going to call the cops if he tried to come inside. He left and I got an attorney who'd work on payments. It sorted itself out but yes, I was emotionally pummled for several months with worry.
That was 20 yrs ago and it was the best and scariest thing I'd ever done. I survived, I found a way and you will too

Answer 8

Have you forgotten that you have a vagina? My god the whole legal infrastructure is set up for you and your kids. Your husband doesn't stand a chance. The problem with women like you is you keep poking and prodding jerks like this till they do something stupid to you or your kids. Once you leave...LEAVE and don't give a forwarding address. But NOOOOOOOOO you'll have to keep dragging his no-paying sorry *** back and forth to court and any money he does have goes to the lawyer.

Do you realize Community Colleges PAVE the way for free schooling for single mothers? Get an education and pay your own way.

Answer 9

In every area there are free lawyer for people that cant affort one, the goverment of your country must provide one, and more if you have kids under 21!
Try with respect your husband, he will be your the kids father for ever and being angry never helps.BE SMART.

Answer 10

You're probably right that it might look worse on you if you move out, but after a while.......enough IS enough! If it were me, I would wait until after the holidays to leave, but I would not live in that mess a minute longer than I had to. Good Luck, and Merry Christmas!!