disabled and still works. He is only skilled in jobs requiring physical labor. and is drawing short term disability. short term disability isn't enough to take care of their bills. His wife works Also. They have a child with muscle disease that requires continued medical care. They are doing their best but their best simply isn't good enough.I am glad to help but I just don't see it getting any better. Some people just have it so hard. I feel good helping people but I think there just has to be help for people in this situation. Please give me any suggestions that I may pass along.
2006-12-24 03:05:25 · 9 answers · asked by wonder woman 5 in Business & Finance ➔ Personal Finance
Due to some of my answers,I need to clarify their financial situation. They do not have medicaid. His is covered by disability insurance. The wife and daughter are covered on her insurance.They rent from their father in law and he is $2,000.00 in the hole on the rent. They really have nothing but 2 old cars . Even the furniture came with the house. His parents are deceased and their other parents help as much as they can. We are all at retirement age so need to watch our funds.There would have been no Christmas if it were not for getting help. He has 3 children and pays most of what he gets on child support. I am not writing for financial help on their behalf.I think as much as anything,I want to put the question out to answers as to what we do as a society when people are so disadvantaged.This is a problem that happens all the time . I will continue to trust God to help me and believe He will help me to continue to help. "To whom much is given,much is expected". I know I'm not alone .
2006-12-24 05:37:09 · update #1
As long as I had the money, I would help my family.
2006-12-24 03:16:02 · answer #1 · answered by Hans B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, don't feel guilty about not giving someone money. It's your money. Everybody's situation is different and you work hard for your money and deserve a quality of life in line with what you work for.
I can empathize with the family members who are struggling, but there are definitely programs out there to assist people like this. It's a matter of them putting a priority on finding the answers, and not you. So just make sure that when you pass along these suggestions that you do not become the person who does all the work for them -- then spending your time instead of your money -- both of which are extremely valuable.
If the kid has a muscle disease, they might be able to get help from the Muscular Dystrophy Association in the form of some medical assistance. MDA may also be able to direct them to social programs available to help assist with their child.
The disabled father may also be able to get help from their local Department of Vocational Rehabilitation office. They can help with training / re-training / finding better, more appropriate jobs for people with disabilities.
Lastly, if pride is not in the way, they may want to simply apply for public assistance (food stamps, etc) for a short period of time. There's nothing wrong with that either.
It sounds like there is no shortage of wanting to work -- which is good. But maybe they need to re-focus their efforts temporarily on finding how to optimize what they are able to do. Maybe there are better paying jobs out there for both of them?
2006-12-26 05:41:45 · answer #2 · answered by funkymuzic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least you care enough to care about giving them options. There are public service networks for people in their situation. The temporary disability means that he is going to get better? It may be time for them to change out on who the bread winner is. Mom may have to get another job and dad take care of the child. It is not an ideal situation. You have to make sure your bills are being paid and your needs met. You didn't take these folks on to raise, and while you want to help, it should be as YOU desire. Your family with the troubles need to go look for themselves the options that are available to them. Their local Family Services Division should have resources for them, have them call and apply for services. No one wants to be disabled. When it happens everything has to change. People have to learn to live within their means, no matter what, so they aren't a burden to their other family members. I do not mean to sound uncaring, I have been there and it wears you out emotionally and financially. Merry Christmas. Nana
2006-12-24 11:21:07 · answer #3 · answered by nanawnuts 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seriously, just tell them that you can't afford it. I have helped out friends and family members in the past and then just been hit up for more. If you want to soften the blow, offer them something to help out once, but tell them how uncomfortable you are doing it and make it known that you really don't want to be put in that position again. Eventually it'll have to come down to just saying no.
You're in a horrible position and I feel for you, but it's something that they must work out for themselves. Churches and charities exist to help people out, plus there are plenty of government programs and private groups to help out, especially in the case of children with diseases. If you want to help search for some of these, that could really help out a lot more than giving money. I would not, however, get drawn into becoming a benefactor or a charity on your own.
I hope that helps. Good luck.
2006-12-24 11:17:56 · answer #4 · answered by Jerry Hayes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with The Gadfly's answer that sometimes you just have to say "no" However, if you feel like you have to give a reason, just tell them that you can't afford it. But you can offer other things. You can research some organizations that may be able to help them, or continuing education classes he can take to get a non-labor job. Or even just offer to babysit their child to give them a break for a little while. Money's not the only thing you have to offer.
2006-12-24 11:18:27 · answer #5 · answered by Vadalia 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell them that you simply cannot afford to give them money on a regular basis, and offer to help them explore other options like changing their Medicaid coverage, applying for social security, refinancing their mortgage, etc. Tell them that you would rather help them get to a place where they can afford their bills and support themselves than continue to fill in the financial gaps for them. They would probably like this better anyway since most people feel better when they can actually take care of their families on their own and not rely on handouts.
2006-12-24 12:33:40 · answer #6 · answered by dcgirl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
We were taught in assertiveness training to just say "no". You don't need to give excuses or reasons, unless they ask for one.
I assume from your story that you live in the USA. Too bad you don't have a health care system. This is another example of the tragedies of not having one. You can't take on everyone's responsibilities.
Take care, and be happy.
2006-12-24 11:08:57 · answer #7 · answered by The Gadfly 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why do you have to give an explanation. It is not your job to give money. They are simply taking from you and you feel you need ot do this. While it is nice to help, it is not your responsibilty.
JUST say, I can't right now. No explanation.
2006-12-24 11:21:19 · answer #8 · answered by Cy Gold 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
say what u wanna say, just dont think u can ever help enough, cause you're not angel, or God, and you can never help someone enough. enough sometimes even not helping in a long term, cause u see those people, and u know its hard for you to help them already...tell them what u think is apporpriate, just dont expect them to understand, just clearly state what ur mind and heart wats to say to them
2006-12-24 11:14:36 · answer #9 · answered by waynie 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋