my now ex-boyfriend found out i have been unfaithful (no sex though) with my friend (who is my ex). He stopped loving me and says his love for me has never returned, that he never felt the same about me after that. I have been the best for him in every other way and have transformed his life... he admits it, too... but now he says he will never come back and we will never be together again. I am finding it so hard to accept I lost him... it hurts so much... I know partly it's my fault. But I believe i deserve a chance to prove to him that i can make things good and that I would never hurt him again, after seeing what it did to him. He actually took me overseas (couple of months AFTER he found out) to meet his whole family... and then, 5 days into the holiday, he told me it was over... and we spent the next 3.5 weeks traveling together.... it was hell. Knowing he doesn't want to be with me and yet spending all that time together was so cruel and so painful... I have such mixed emotions
2006-12-24 02:54:39 · 8 answers · asked by ozkiska2love 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Trust is a really weird thing. It sounds like this guy has a hard time with it - and maybe rightfully so. Maybe he wanted to TRY to make it work. Maybe he already had (or you already had) tickets for the trip - and it seemed okay to try. I don't know. It was cruel of him to tell you part way into the trip - but he probably felt justified.
I have been on his end of the deal. I'll tell you - the ENTIRE relationship became about me trusting the person who was unfaithful. I demanded things from him - and was constantly wondering if he was really being faithful. He was trying to prove that he was an okay guy. It was just NOT a good relationship. Finally I ended it. But just like your boyfriend - I wanted to TRY to make it work. When I look back - it was not a good idea. You don't want to be in a place where you are forever trying to prove your love to him. Do you?
If not - then use this as a learning experience. A monogomous relationship is JUST THAT! If you are not ready to be true to one person - then don't commit. Also - don't allow yourself to be in situations where something could happen. WHAT were you doing alone with an ex who is now a friend but not really a friend because you made out(?) with him?
About 8 years ago my current boyfriend ran into an ex and she wanted to have coffee with him. I told him fine but that I was coming too. She said she wanted to be his friend. We invited her along on a few group outings - and guess what - that was the end of her. She was not interested in HIM as a friend- she was interested in THEM as a couple. You can always tell if there is a possible chance of two people being interested in each other sexually - because they will not include the existing partner in their plans. My boyfriend has a LOT of female friends - and every one of them is okay if I am around. Were you and your ex/friend okay being around you boyfriend? I doubt it. THAT's the kind of stuff you have to be aware of and make sure you don't get into situations like that.
Sorry if this is preachy. I didn't mean to be. As goofy as it sounds - time will heal all. If you celebrate Christmas - I hope you have some loving people to spend it with. Get busy and do all of the things you didn't have time for when you were in the relationship. Do some charity work. There's nothing better for the heart than helping other people!
Unfortunately - your man is the only one who can decide if he can give you a second chance or not. The people here on Answers might say YES - but it doesn't matter what we say. And actually - after the way he treated you on your trip - I'd be glad I didn't marry him. Look at how cruel he can be!
Blessings!
2006-12-24 03:16:27 · answer #1 · answered by liddabet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has mixed feelings to.Honestly even if u love one another if there is no trust then u have nothing and to gain someones trust takes a long time .It doesn't happen over night.When someone loves someone they don't care about another person nor do they think or dream because they just love the one ther with.If one truly loves someone they would never go with another person it would never even b a thought.Give him time cuz he probably loves u but is very hurt and when someone breaks your love and trust like that it's very hard to recover the person will need time to mourn in a way.All u can do is give him time and stay away from your ex cuz if u really want this guy back your going to have to make up your mind and get rid of one of them for good no more contact.anyway I hope all works out and have a great x-mas.
2006-12-24 03:17:00 · answer #2 · answered by too4barbie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know you dont want to hear this, but no, he should not give you a second chance. You made the choice to be unfaithful, and now you are paying the price for that choice. He feels betrayed and he has lost his trust in you. If he tells you that it hurt him so much that he can no longer feel the same way about you again, believe him. Learn from this tho, in your next relationship, you will value someone elses feelings enough ( and value what you have with them) to never do this again. I am sorry you lost a great guy. Don't do this to yourself, or someone else again.
2006-12-24 03:01:29 · answer #3 · answered by Renee 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It sounds as if he was trying to give himself time to get over the hurt and see if he could forgive you.
I'm not sure how you can be unfaithful without sex but obviously it was serious enough to your boyfriend that he was undable to get over it.
He may have also been looking towards you to see how deep your feelings and contrition were over what you had done.
Maybe you tried to make make it sound lie it wasn't that big a thing and it was to your boyfriend.
See if he would be willing to go to relationship counseling to get his feelings out. If that doesn't work out then there's not muchyou can do.
2006-12-24 03:05:09 · answer #4 · answered by aiguyaiguy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try--only if you and he can put your heart and soul into it and you don't ever do this again--it can be repaired. But--it IS his call and he can't live with this--you have to face the fact it was your mistake that drove him away.
2006-12-24 03:06:57 · answer #5 · answered by smeezleme 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It would be nice if he gave you a second chance but he is NOT required to do so.
2006-12-24 04:31:54 · answer #6 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well what can I say....
you messed up... accept that.. and get on with your life...
No you dont deserve a second chance....
2006-12-24 13:02:59 · answer #7 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he had cheated on you, what would you do? I believe once the trust is gone the relationship is dead. He does not trust you anymore.
2006-12-25 12:47:44 · answer #8 · answered by obenypopstar 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋