I know and understand he works so hard so we can have a good life. I appreciate him for this, but how do I explain he is needed more around here without sounding unsupportive? we have 2 children whom he doesnt see much. He gets up and is gone by 8 am and not home until 9 pm, and this goes on 6 days a week. He asks me to bring them and myself up to his work and "hang out" with him. I dont, he is working and the kids are lunatics...lol. Help please.
2006-12-24 02:18:43 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
LOL
I like the kids are lunatic part...I have 2 kids (boys 8 and 5 also lunatics)
I have the same problem with my hubby too. He even worked yesterday Saturday (7pm), we were taking the kids out for a drive and some shopping and he got a call, so he drove to his office and we waited in the car for more than one hour and we got bored and he was like "I'm doing this for you guys"...I don't really know what to say except that we r in the same boat.
2006-12-24 02:29:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting that many women say "Well, tell him again... talk more."
Instead of blahblahblahblahblah, which no offense is what it sounds like when you are working bad hours and you simply blow off his request meaning you think he's a retard, try this:
[1] Get the insane kids (no LOL it isn't funny - your children are such savages they can't go out in public?) under control - who runs the house - you or them? You both have to work on this, but you more since you are the primary caregiver.
[2] Take them to his work as he asked. Take a picnic lunch. Give the kids the "Spock pinch" when they misbehave (they *will* test you) so they know the rules apply, even out in public. Spend time with him. He can help with the discipline, giving a much better Spock pinch (it doesn't make a scene yet their eyes will roll back in their heads so they know you mean business).
[3] Go once or twice a week.
[4] Do that for a month or 2.
[5] THEN sit down and ASK how he is enjoying it - then LISTEN, then finally talk a little. Women talk *way* too much. Choose your words carefully. Be sure to tell him you LIKE HIS IDEA.
WIth any luck, things will get better, on the child behavior front and the family together front and the stop ignoring his ideas front.
2006-12-24 10:41:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jennifer I too am a workoholic. I thought my work ethic was more than helping the family finances, I thought I was teaching my children a good work ethic too. I was wrong. They were unbelievably lazy! I still loved them but it killed me to see this trait end in my generation. So, I decided to cut back on my work load. We have had a great year after that. The kids and I are close, real close. The only problem now is that they both now have jobs and that is their main focus! I don't get to see them hardly at all any more. I guess what i am saying is that your kids don't grow without a example that is right under thier nose. Just to know I'm working hard isn't enough. To see me at home working around the house was enough. Actually more than enough. Tell your husband to find that balance that will make everyone happy. It's only money, and that lasts long enough.
2006-12-24 10:37:12 · answer #3 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is alot of "wants" in todays life,,kids toys,,new clothes,,eating out,,,see if u can sit down with your husband and see if there is some "wants" you can do withought so he can work less and spend time with you, also maybe you can baby sit 2 kids while u take care of ur children(if ur a stay at home mom) to make extra cash to take the pressure a little off him,,help him be more at home physically and mentally. im sure he loves you and the children if he works so hard all the time,,,going to see him at work,,make a lunch basket and spend lunch time with him once a week at work,,its good for all of u and by the way,lol,,all kids are lunatics,lol. im sure if you are depressed about this,,he is too. also once a month see if u can leave kids with grand parents and spend some quality time just with him,,it could be just watching a movie at home,,but it will bring u both so much closer. dont get sucked in the whole"is he cheating,he doesnt care,or he loves work more" crap,,,you know that he doesnt have the time ,energy, or extra money for that crap and he loves u more than anything! in todays demanding life,,he id doing what he knows to take care of his family,,help him see how to do it better,,,just like how you complete him in everything else!
happy holidays!
2006-12-24 11:27:36 · answer #4 · answered by hopeless_romantic_chick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would bringing the kids up to see him jeopardize his job?I mean is he the boss or does he have one lurking around he has to worry about? If it wouldn't get him in trouble with his employer.Why can't you do that for him.He must be missing you and them if he asked you to come there.You should feel lucky he wants to be with you if he invites you to his work.Most men go to work and make excused why you can't stop by.Because they use it has an escape from the kids.I understand you are lonely and miss him.But sacrifices have to be made in order to have the kind of life you do.Talk to him and find out what you two would have to give up to get him to have to work less hours.Does him working less mean you just don't take any family vacations for awhile or maybe not getting a new car every year or is it something more important.Like not making the mortgage payment if he doesn't put in the long hours.If it is just about having the extras then tighten your belts so he can be home.
2006-12-24 18:13:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jennifer, As much as you want your husband to spend more time with the kids at home and he doesn't you aren't willing to make the sacrifice to go and see him when he asks you. There has to be a trade off here, either he goes and makes a good living to take care of his family no matter what or you swallow your pride and be thankful. Be happy he doesn't work seven days a week. I'm sure you're there every night to greet him when he comes home (right)? Please take care of your children and be thankful for the man you have. This is what men do! Maybe it would be different if you were also. Good luck!
2006-12-24 11:30:09 · answer #6 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to sit him down and have a real heart to heart. Tell him that the children aren't going to be small forever and he is missing out on some very special times in their lives by not being at home. Tell him that you appreciate everything he does but you would be willing to sacrifice some material things if he would not work so much.
2006-12-24 10:21:17 · answer #7 · answered by medicswife23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the fondest memories I had, was going to my husbands work w/my kids and having lunch. It's strange how that 1-hour can bring you closer. I would make sure that the kids looked presentable and so did I. My husband (who was killed by a drunk driver 3 years ago) was proud that his family came to visit him at lunch!
You say he works hard for you.....you need to appreciate that, instead of just complaining and do your part and take an active role in your relationship. As far as your kids go....they need to learn appropraite behavior in public soon enough. If your husband is asking you guys to "hang out", he really wants to spend time with you. Go to him, at least sometimes, and be happy doing it. Life is short, trust me!
2006-12-24 10:30:05 · answer #8 · answered by Trish V 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you Haley Ray who is married to Dr. Rey? She was saying the same things about him last night on Dr. 90210. I think anyone who is married to someone who works so much should either: #1 - quit complaining, this is what you signed up for honey OR #2 - do something about it if it isn't what you like about your life. You do have options, you know. Does he go to lunch? If not, take the kids (and lunch) to his 'work' and grab a 20 minute lunch with him. It's better than nothing, right?
2006-12-24 10:20:50 · answer #9 · answered by wanninonni 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tuff call. On one hand you don't want to make him feel guilty for working hard, and on the other hand you don't want him to be a stranger to his children.
It all depends on how well you know your husband, and if you think he is going to respond to this maturely, or will he get upset, angry, and defensive.
If he can handle it maturely, suggest a family outing over the weekend, something that his company will go for. Not a permanent schedule change, just more days off, or something like that.
If you know he won't handle it maturely, don't approach him on it. Don't talk with him about a subject that would potentially put yourself or your children in danger.
Unfortunately you may have to just wait until he realizes he needs to do that on his own. He (hopefully) will (should) eventually get to the point where he wants to spend more time with you and kids.
I'm not the expert, but I hope that helps, and have a Merry Christmas.
2006-12-24 10:20:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋