How do you know if a suicide attempt is genuine and may be (successfully) repeated?

Question

A close friend texted me last night to tell me of his intention to cut his wrists. I replied with a suggestion that we meet and talk. He responded with "I've done it" and then I got no reply when I phoned. I went to his flat, no response. He eventually opened the door when I said I was calling the police. He had made an attempt at cutting his wrists but not enough to do serious damage. He was very uncommunicative. I stayed the night and spent several hours with him today, he seems more like himself but repeats that he intends to end his life.

How do I know if this is genuine? If it's a "cry for help" what sort of help does he need? Should I inform his mother or brother of my concerns?

This is a serious question demanding serious answers only, please. Many thanks.

I'm in Turkey, he's Turkish, I'm British. There's no Samaritans, MIND, NHS or sympathetic police here.
He's not infatuated with me, it's something we've discussed in the past and I am certain he doesn't want to change the form of our relationship.
I'm worried that if I contact his brother he may see this as a form of betrayal and withdraw completely.
Thank you for the answers so far. It's good to just have an ear and to feel your support.

He seems better, and, more importantly, has promised to tell his family. His brother is due on a visit immimently, there is no father, his mother had a birthday and he chose not to tell her then. I think I trust him to tell them, and I will check.
I do not believe he's gay.
Thank you all for the suggestions - believe me, they are helping (me and indirectly him, I think). Thank you.

Answer 1

Research and clinical experience show that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. The fact that your friend already cut his wrists once is a good indication that he will do it again.

Although it is true that the cutting may have been more of a cry for help than a genuine suicide attempt, the fact is that even a cry for help of this kind risks serious injury or death. What if he cuts a little too deep by accident? Or becomes so fed up crying for help he decides on impulse to take it a step further? Moreover, although I'm not sure, it sounds like he is alone in the apartment, which increases the risk.

The responsibility for handling this matter should not be yours. The police and/or mental health professionals need to be involved. If you try to handle the situation yourself, your friend will probably wear you down to the point where you will simply not have the energy to continue. Furthermore, and more importantly, unless you are a mental health professional yourself you will not have the training required to ensure your friend's safety.

Since I'm not sure what country you live in, here is a website with suicide helplines and hotlines for several countries. They will help you determine how to get your friend the help that he needs.

http://www.siari.co.uk/Helplines/Helplines+UK+Hotlines+USA.htm

Answer 2

ALWAYS take any suicide attempt as genuine, no matter how ridiculous the method seems. My niece tried repeatedly and even tried to strangle herself with an electrical cord. Most of her attempts seemed superficial and not serious. But 3 months ago, she finally found a way and did it.
We did take it seriously, but her insurance would not allow her to have the treatment her doctor wanted her to have and would not keep her in the hospital long enough.

Your friend definitely needs some professional help. But anytime he tells you he is doing such a thing, you are absolutely right in calling police! While it actually *is* a cry for help, don't ever consider it "just" that and minimize the seriousness.

Just because he told you does not mean that it was not serious. My niece called her therapist's office and said she was doing it, but no one was able to get to her in time.
And my friend also told someone he was going to do it and he actually did.

Answer 3

A suicide attempt is not something to take lightly. I think if he went through with it, you would be "kicking" yourself for not telling someone and getting him some help.

What are the reasons he feels this way? That was not something you really needed to answer me, but more of a question you could ask him or he asks himself. If he won't tell you, ask who he will tell and go from there.

He should really talk to a professional though. With his okay, make an appointment with one and go to it together.

If his feelings for wanting to kill himself are genuine, he has some really deep seated reasons why. They need to be brought out in the open in order for them to be solved the right way. Once they are in the open, they will not be eating at him inside or causing him to believe there is no way out of the mess he's in.

The issues he has can be dealt with. As an example, If he feels like he is going nowhere in his life, he can take classes to learn something new or he can make a change somewhere else. By making improvements, his outlook on things will be alot better.

Stand by him and be his friend. He will thank you for being there when he needed someone the most.

Answer 4

This is a serious answer. There are basically 2 categories of this. One is a serious suicide attempt, the other is a "suicidal gesture". The self-preservation instinct is so strong in us that our conscious mind will want one thing (death) and every fiber of our being fights against that.

Yes. Immediately inform his family. He needs all the support and help he can get right now. The fact that he notified you prior to the act tells me that he is screaming out for salvation (not the religious kind). The more people that know, the better his chances of staying alive. Keep in mind that less men attempt suicide but many more of them suceed than women. This is a serious matter. I will keep him in my prayers.

Answer 5

If you inform the doctors or NHS 24 they are obliged to help. People often make several attempts before actually killing themselves. Its a myth that people who talk about it dont actually do it. If you get no help from the sources I have mentioned Then look in your phone book for social services (they dont only deal with chikdren & elderly) Or phone MIND the mental health charity. Best of luck for you & your freind, he is obviously a troubled soul. Do it NOW, don't wait. Just this week I have been to the funeral of a suicide. Its hard on everyone involved

Answer 6

it is difficult to know when someone is serious about taking their life and when it is a cry for help. it is serious when someone is exhibiting self injurious behaviors and it is certainly an indication that they could use professional assistance. another option you have not considered and may be helpful is contacting the police and having them make a welfare check...that means that they would probably get there before you, they will check on the person and take them for psychiatric assistance if needed. that would leave you out of the loop if this person is just using suicidal gestures to gain attention and it would force the person to see the seriousness of their behavior and later understand that you truly care for them by getting them the assistance they cannot get for themselves. good luck and remember that you can pass along the suicide and crisis 24 hour hot line number 1-800-SUICIDE.

Answer 7

This is a cry for help, but not one that should be neglected.
He obviously has a problem to be considering suicide.
I presume from what you are saying that your friend is gay,even though you say you are just "friends". If that is the case have you considered that he may be in another relationship that is causing him to feel so depressed.

Whatever the position turns out to be, do tell someone, I think maybe his mother, she will be the most protective towards him (hopefully), she will also know how to handle his father and brothers, either by telling or not telling them, and doing something herself.

If anything happens to him you will never forgive yourself for not trying to help him,even if it means that he never speaks to you again, as long as he is still alive it's a small price to pay as a true friend.

I wish you and your friend well.

Answer 8

Anyone threatening to take their own life should be taken seriously. If he lives alone, drinks, owns a firearm or has a history of major depression, then these are added risk factors. The key to social support is getting people, whether family or not, who love your friend to form a social network of support around him. They should reiterate how much they care for him, and how important it is that he seeks professional help. I would highly suggest also, that before you take my recommendations or any one else's for that matter, that you contact a suicide hotline or therapist who specializes and has expertise in this area. Do it as soon as possible. Best Wishes.

Answer 9

You know he's crying out for help already because he contacted you. If he wasn't then he would have just gone ahead and done it. So start screaming from the rooftops. Call the samaritans and the suicide hotline, they will probably tell you to contact the local emergency psychiatric service. Tell his family. Tell anyone who will listen, as he may get tired of crying for help and do it for real.

Answer 10

You should definitely contact his family right away.

It's just not possible to tell whether someone is serious or "crying for help". And cries for help can go wrong.

And if is it a cry for help then he clearly needs help.

I hope things work out for your friend. You can always call the Samaritans if you want to talk to an experienced person about it.