Jealous of people with parents?

Question

My dad died of cancer when I was 8...(I've basically dealt with it) and my mother died last year after a really hard battle with cancer. I'm 19, on my own, and scared. Christmas is coming up and all my friends are with their families and I feel left out. Tomorrow I'm going to my boyfriend's family's house and I'm mad at him! I hate the fact that they have something I can't ever have again. Is this wrong? Should I still be feeling this way? It seems like I should be doing better by now. For the most part I'm ok. But sometimes this stuff just eats away at me. I miss my mom so much and I don't think I've coped properly. Is there anyone that can shed some light on the subject? I feel lost.

I have lots of aunts and uncles but most of them I can't really depend on. When my mom was dying, some people got really shady an after she died I was lucky to hear from them at all.

Answer 1

This is sad...Sorry for your losses :(
I lost my dad, he was killed in an accident but, i was 26 at the time, im 43 now...I miss him so much. I dread the day i lose my mother, she is my best friend.
What you need to do is surround yourself with good people. You will always feel in your heart that something is missing. When you start your own family things may get easier for you. Loving and missing your mom and dad keeps them in you memories, remember the good times, not what is was like at their end of time. Its so hard watching someone when they are sick, in one way your glad the suffering is over for them, your suffering just begins and your the one that has to live with it. Dealing with it takes time and courage.
How about volunteering a few hours a week with something you feel passionate about? Help others, this will make you feel good and get your brain working on something else, something good...
I always feel better when i can help people, guess the reason why i became a firefighter is to help others, at that moment their pain is greater than mine and it feels good when I'm able to help someone.
Its just going to take time...And another thing watch your health carefully, make sure you see a doc yearly even the dreaded girl doc, so you stay healthy. I'm concerned for you that both parents had Cancer...
So try and have a Good Christmas and a better New Year
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Answer 2

Loss of people who are such a huge part of your life, like parents is a devistating, tramatic thing to go thru. Parents are the people that shaped you into the person you are today. They loved everything about you (even when you were a brat) and did everything they could to help you become a happy successful adult. A loss like this will always be hard on the heart, it never goes away, but it will get better as time goes on. Being angry because someone else has what you lost is a difficult thing to adjust to. It's human nature to feel like this, but at the same time it's not fair to them. I'm sure you wouldn't want them to suffer the same loss just so they understand your feelings. Let them know how much you appreciate being invited into their home as family. Sometime 17-19 is the worst age to lose a parent because your old enough to really understand closeness of family, but it really hasn't sunk in, that we're all going to pass away someday, so make the most of the time you have with the people you love, and don't waste your time being mad, and hateful towards the things you can't control. Good Luck, and Merry Christmas

Answer 3

I can understand what you are going through. The positive thing is you will spend the holidays with people that love you and accept you. You will probably never recover from this and I understand that too.

I look at several things. You have a valid reason to feel this way. On the flip side there are people with families and they are at war with each other over one thing or another. They don't appreciate each other and never will until something traumatic happens, then it is too late.

Then there are folks in my position. I hardly hear from mine and when I do it is because they need something. Actually I got lucky this year; I got one card for Christmas. These people are alive; you'd think we would have a better relationship.

The bottom line is you are not alone. Those of us that have parents are also empty inside especially this time of year.

We will make the best of things and continue on with life the best we can. I'm sure your parents wanted nothing but happiness for you.

Take care and cheer up.

Answer 4

Maybe try a support group....even though they died a long time ago does not mean that the pain will go away entirely but this group will help you to cope with the feelings that you have now.
I am sorry that you are feeling blue and even though I have never lost a parent I did lose my brother to cancer almost two years ago, I still think of him daily and cry a lot about it too. And I can def understand being jellous.
I wish I could give you a big hug.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

I totally understand how you feel. My father passed away when I was 10 of cancer and after reading your question, I am so thankful that I still have such a loving mother present. I hope that even though they are not present to spend the holidays with you, you have a good time with your boyfriend. I get jealous of my boyfriend and how he has a full set of a parents so it is definitely okay...as long as it isn't taken to the extreme of course. But happy holidays and I wish you the best. :)

Answer 7

i thought i would not give time to yahoo answers today, as im having a lot of work pending, but when i came across ur question it just hold my attention. I love to answer your question. You are not wrong when u feel empty, its very usual to miss someone, Im sure that life is miserable without parents but if u concentrate on almighty father u will not feel lonely, at this stage only you can have godly hand to overcome. It happens to everyone when they find no other way, different cases, different lives, different values, but never lose hope, don't let your weakness behold you, you will again overcome, as u overcome when ur dad died, when ur mom died, you are experienced player of life so just keep playing, and you will win against self.

Answer 8

Lost is not a pleasant way to feel is it? Feelings of any kind aren't wrong. They just are. They harm no one and you will feel better once they are released. You have every right to feel lost and alone and lonely and all the things that come to your mind. Without knowing more of your situation, it's hard to suggest things but I DO know there are churches with folks who would welcome you into their midst. Do you have aunts or uncles or other relatives to whom you could reach out?

Answer 9

i too lost my dad at 7 yrs old. i am 54 now and still havent gotten over that loss. i was very close to my dad and i will miss his presence forever. my mom died in 1999. i still miss her also. i know how you feel and i know i am alot older,but it still makes you feel lost. maybe you should seek out a councilor and just let it out. or maybe even a grief support group. i have never done this, but i feel i should also seek these options out. good luck and merry christmas.

Answer 10

I'm sorry for your loss. Bad things happen but there is a time after grief when one needs to live their life. Take the positives that you have from your parents, use them in your future family. Keep a spot of sadness open in your heart but don't give your entire heart to it.