Am i selfish??

Question

My parents were married for 24 years and my mom just died 7 months ago from a disease. and women are trying to get with my dad and it's pissing me off!! i'm not going to allow him to get remarried is that selfish on my part!! i just don't want anyone to try to take the place of my mom!! help

Answer 1

No I don't think you are being selfish. However, I think you should try to understand that your dad needs some companionship. No one should have to spend the rest of their lives alone.

If your dad chooses to re-marry, it is doubtful you will prevent it, and more than likely ruin any relationship you have with him forever.

Your father will always love and miss your mother, his wife. Spending 24 years together one never gets over that sort of loss.

No woman that he marries in the future will ever replace your mom. Oh she might be in the home living with your dad, but in all reality in the back of your dad's mind, he's always going to be thinking about your mom.

Instead of taking a stand against your dad's remarriage, try to support him and enjoy the presence of the new lady in his life. She know's she can't replace your mom but she'll more than likely have the greatest desire to be your friend.

Give your dad and the lady he chooses a chance. Let them find some form of happiness in this cruel old world.

Sorry for your loss and hope that i've helped a little with my answer. Merry Christmas. Good Luck.

Answer 2

I wouldn't say selfish is the right way to describe the way you're (I assume) feeling. However, your dad has a right to some happiness in his life, maybe he all he wants is to just date these women. After all, your mom has been gone for 7 months, at some point in time he may meet someone that he cares very deeply about, but it isn't as if he is looking to replace your mother. Furthermore, people do not just jump into relationships after being married for such a long time; so I wouldn't worry too much about it right now if I were you. But you do need to realize that if/when he develops an interest in someone he doesn't need your permission to date or marry them. Nor will they try to replace your mother, ever.
In fact, this whole notion of not allowing him to remarry IS kinda' selfish, but not in the way you think. If anything, you should know that your father misses your mother more than you'll ever know, nor would he ever burden you with the knowledge of his depth of pain. If you want to be good kid, be accepting of his friends and don't pass judgment on an issue you know little or nothing about...

Answer 3

I think your feelings and your loyalties are reasonable and understandable.

Ultimately though, this is your dad's decision: To decide if he's still in mourning, that he's just not interested, if he's lonely, if he needs more time to decide how he wants to live the rest of his life and what that would look/be like....

Remember that no other woman can replace your mother or what your mother meant to your father. As well, you can't replace your mother either nor can you stand in her place with your father.

Maybe she insisted that he marry again, not be alone. If so, who is it for anybody to say that he should or should not date or remarry at some point, especially as it t sounds like your dad is still a relatively young man. So who knows what they discussed? They are your family but it was THEIR marriage, THEIR life, which you cannot control, much less own. .

I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't have an opinion on this or feelings about it. Just that in the end, please recognize that you too are still grieving and having troublel letting your mother go. That's natural. That will take some time to get over. And you just can't control that for anybody else.

Take care.

Answer 4

Yes l think you are being a little selfish. No-one will ever replace your mum as she will always have a special place in your heart that no-one else could ever fill. Your dad on the other hand is not trying to replace his wife (your mum ) but he also needs the love and attention of a woman. Doesn't he also deserve happiness ??What will happen when you leave home ?? Surely you don't want him to lonely do you ??Your father loves you but it is a different kind of love. He will always have a special place in his heart for your mum regardless of whether he is with another woman or not. Allow him to find happiness again and try to be happy for him. Best wishes and have a Merry Xmas.

Answer 5

Yes! you are being selfish. Think of it this way, your mother loved your father enough to stay with him for 24 years. Do you think she would want your father to go through the rest of his life alone and lonely? No women could ever take the place of your mother; and, no other women would ever want to try to take your mothers place; however, I'm sure she would want to be a friend to you and not be at odds with you for your fathers sake. It's easy to have many loves in your life but very hard to have only one at a time. Ask your self this; would you not go out with another boy/girl just because your last boyfriend/girlfriend left you? Well that's the same thing your asking your father to do. NOT TO LOVE; MAKE LOVE; OR ENJOY THE REST OF HIS LIFE ==== That he should die without the affection of a women.

Answer 6

Its not that you are being selfish. You will at some point, know that your mother can not , nor will not be replaced. Your dad will not be able to replace her, but he has an empty place inside his heart, that you have chosen to keep vacant. Is that fair to him, and you? Would your mother want your dad to be alone, and to spend the rest of his days mourning her loss.? I am so sorry to hear that you have lost her, moms are good people. Your dad isn't trying to find a replacement for your mom, he is trying to fill an empty spot inside his soul. I can't say for sure, but I am guessing these women aren't lining up to be your mom, as much as they are wanting the company of your father, you should take that as a compliment. It isn't disprecting your mother. Your mom appearantly made a good choice of a man that others are wanting him.

Answer 7

I can understand why you feel the way you do, you think its too soon for him to just move on and try to "replace" your mom. But have you tried to think about what he might feel about it? Maybe he's lonely and just wants to casually date, i mean, dont just jump to conclusions so fast. You have to understand that he's been alone for 7 months when in 24 yrs he hasnt had that feeling. Maybe finally he thinks he needs to move on and try to cope with the loss.

I can def see why it upsets you though because nobody will ever be able to replace your mother, and he knows that, i dont think thats what he's trying to accomplish so try not to take it too personally. let him make his own decisions because he will regardless anyway and try to be open to it, talk to him if you need to; communication is the best thing in times like that. Good luck!

Answer 8

It depends on your society's values. You may not approve of it but if your father wants another woman in his life then you should not object. You may tell your dad to give you some more time to adjust to the loss. Normally one year of waiting time is OK.

It may be devastating to you emotionally now but plz understand that your mom is not replaced emotionally. She will always remain in his heart even if he marries again. You may understand this after you grow up. Physically she is no more and we have to accept the fact. If another woman is willing to satisfy his physical needs try to understand and accept reality.

You may meet a psychiatrist to help you recover from the sad loss.

Answer 9

Yes it is selfish on your part. I think your Mom would ant your Dad to continue on with his life and ne happy. I know it hurts you to see this....but really, you're not a child anymore. No woman will ever take the place of the memories you and your mom created.

Answer 10

The reality of the situation here is that you are trying to protect your mother's property. You need to realize that she is now gone and that your father's marital commitment is now concluded. He is a free man and he is entitled to pursue whomever he wants and does not need your permission. It is understandable that you may not be ready to accept another woman in his life since she may tend to fill your mother's position in the family, but, in reality, that will never happen. You may still need more time and may never be ready to accept another woman by your father's side, but it is not your decision to make. I highly suggest that you decide to let go and step out of your father's way. He is entitled to his happiness with a companion by his side.
With much understanding,
Mr. M on "selfish."