He won't commit because his mom won't approve. Should I leave or hang on & hope things will change?

Question

I have been with my BF for 2 years now. We have a great relationship, he treats me very well and I never doubt the fact that he loves me. However, his mom disapproves of our relationship. His dad died and his mom is a stroke victim & very weak. He took me to visit her several times but it always ended ugly with her yelling & tell me to get out of her house, etc... due to my race/religion. He used to be rebellious but ever since his dad died, he feels guilty that he never spend enough time with him. So with his mom health being a problem, he afraid he might lose her too so he would never argue back with her or do anything that might upset her, he usually just take me away. He try to be considerate of both sides & I love him for that. However, if friends ever ask about our future plans, he intentionally avoid the subjects. We talked about it & he said he doesn't want to upset his mom cause she's the only family he has left & if anything happen to her, he won't forgive himself.

My parents & friends use to like him but now they hated him seeing how his mom treated me. I know they're just looking out for me. But they do have a valid point that close minded people like his mom will never change & he will never stand up to her for me. He is a great great guy & I love him & hate to lose him but should I walk away?

Answer 1

boot his *** now, it will only get worse if you stick around. once a momma's boy always a momma's boy

Answer 2

I think u should walk away coz guys like this never change, once a mamma's boy always a mamma's boy. And his mom will also never change she'll keep on hating u for ur religion and ur bf is a totally spine-less creature who'll never stand up to his wicked mother 4 ur rights or respect. And even if u two get married she'll never let u live in peace, u'll never be able to get out with him alone, u'll always have to stay back at home and take care of her health problem, which i dont think is true she just uses her so-called 'health problem' as a blackmailing weapon and this guy will never support u. So, in short u are much better without this guy than with him.

Answer 3

Oh boy.... You poor thing. It seems that you are indeed stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think you BF's mom would seriously benefit from counciling. It sounds like in additon to being a bit of an idiot with regard to the race/religion issue, she is hanging on way too tight to her son; likely due to her husband's death. That's not fair to him or you. On a much smaller scale, I've been dealing with an similar issue with my mom since my brother's death. Everytime we are on the phone and I'm tryimg to say "good-bye", she can barley hang up :-) She is worried about losing me, too. But anyway, as you mentioned, I'm quite sure that he loves you very much and this is likely tearing him apart. I have to think that he is also hoping that something down the line changes. But the problem is that neither of you have any way of knowing how long this might take. Your BF feelings toward his mom seem understandable, but he is the one who is likely going to have to cut the cord, so to speak. If he does not, he will end up resenting his mom. If you push too hard, he could end up resenting you. I'm not sure how old you two are, but if you are in your 20s or younger, I'd say just keep those lines of communication open with your BF. Make it easy for him to talk to you about this. When you do have interaction with his mom, continue to try and find ways to let her know how special you think her son is. I think there is some work to do here before deciding to walk away. Understand one thing though, you may have to decide to put yourself first and do just that.... walk away. Good luck! It sounds like you have a very kind and understanding heart.

Answer 4

I understand its a difficult situation for him, but if you are the one for him he should either not let anyone diminish you like that, or MAKE SURE you fully understand the situation so you dont feel so bad about it. Afterall, eventually hes supposed to live with you, not his mom. I seriously believe parents should never interfere with relationships. He should make a choice. I would put up with the fact that he doesnt want to shout back to his mom or shut her mouth, but not commit is just too much cuz it seriously affects your relationship. Id say let him marry his mom and move on. Maybe this will shake him up. If it doesnt, you did the right thing leaving. YOU DESERVE BETTER. Kisses and Merry XMas sweetie. Wish you the best, really!

Answer 5

Set him down and tell him you are ending the relationship...tell him why. If he truly loves you, he won't let you go, if he does say good-bye, you will know exactly where you stand in this man's life. And when momma is gone, he will be alone, and your not there for company and sympathy, too bad. I wish you luck.

Answer 6

It's not his mother who is keeping him from making a committment to you. IF he really WANTED to he would haven no problems doing so. His mother's health isn't that bad besides there are places his mother could go in order to be taken care of...he is using HER as an excuse to not committ and to USE you. If you like being used you can continue with him. If it were MY choice, I'd be moving on.

Answer 7

That's a tough, tough situation isn't it? He's missed the vital separation from parents that is important for all as we become adult. I'd be leery of his inability to solve his problem. You may have to put the "now or never" question to him. Any chance of counseling?

Answer 8

I didn't read your story .. the opening line tells me everything I need to know. Dump the Mama's Boy. She will never approve and he is not man enough to let go of his mommy. You'll be living on hope for many years and waste them. Good Luck! :)

Answer 9

If u love'em stay with'em, his mom just gotta know that u 2 really are meant 2 b!

Answer 10

i would hang on for a while
he loves you
but is worried about his mother