Alright, the love of my life cheated on me almost a year ago with a girl from work. He and I were having problems, as most couples do at some point and there she was telling him that he should leave me and how horrible I am....blah blah blah, Im sure you can take it from there. I did not forgive him, I never forgive cheats. We split up and time after time he was begging for me back and I would never budge....Till now. He has shown me by not giving up over a years time and many many tears that he is sorry. Now what? I am in love with the man but he hurt me so badly. We are going to start counseling but do you ever think I will trust him again? I know that trust is very inportant in a relationship. Help me, I am so confused!
2006-12-23 17:54:43 · 28 answers · asked by blah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
in my experience, cheaters cheat but he sounds sincere. May as well give him a chance but watch out.
2006-12-23 17:56:38 · answer #1 · answered by m-t-nest 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do I ever think you will trust him again? I don't know. Once someone has betrayed your trust in this manner, it is very difficult to ever fully trust him again. I would see how the counseling goes and what he does to help you regain your trust in him. I can't help but wonder why now,so near Christmas, you and he are attempting to reconcile. Has he been calling you for the past year every so often? Or did he just start calling again very recently? I wouldn't exactly call that "not giving up." It may be that he's been going through a dry spell and that's what is motivating him to try again with you. It's your call. Time will tell if his tears are real and how sorry he really is.
2006-12-24 02:12:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is willing to go to counseling with you, then maybe he has changed. And maybe being away from you for so long made him realize what he lost.
But if you are planning on making the relationship work, you will have to not only forgive him, but try to forget it as well. If not, you will be questioning his faithfulness each and every time he is late for something, or doesn't answer the phone or stops off with buddies for a beer.
Once you lose the trust, it is extremely hard to regain it again.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you both the best of luck!!
2006-12-24 02:01:05 · answer #3 · answered by slpkwp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for it. Counseling is a very good idea. You need to find it in your heart to forgive him, even if you can't forget it. If you want a relationship with the love of your life, never bring up the issue. It is not true,. that once a cheater always a cheater. He made a mistake and is regretting it deeply. Give him another chance.
Good luck!
2006-12-24 02:22:57 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, I could have written your post almost word for word. I took my husband back a few months ago and things are infinitely better. It takes time to heal, but it can happen. There are a lot of good articles out there that you might find helpful. My husband and I watched this episode of Drphil together and it was very helpful. Your husband sounds like he really regrets what he has done. You can trust but he has to be willing to do whatever it takes to make you feel safe. He has to become completely trustworthy - whatever you define that to mean. Is the woman still working there? If so, you need to make sure he keeps you posted on any attempt she makes to contact with him.. People with nothing to hide, hide nothing.
http://drphil.com/articles/article/523
2006-12-24 02:07:48 · answer #5 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. If you really want to work on the relationship and try to make it work, you are going to have to try your best to get past the fact that he cheated and move on with the relationship. If you really don't think you will ever get past this issue, the relationship is almost sure to fail because you will never really be trusting again. In all reality, It is all up to you and your heart.
2006-12-24 02:01:46 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I believe he can. You didn't mention any children so I presume you don't have any. Men do make mistakes, I'm one of them too.
You two will do well if you give it a chance..... remember though that pop culture ideas of love, romance, and marriage are sometimes not the real guidance you should always follow.
Don't rush right into marriage again just because you think you know him. Let him earn your love and attention and keep sex out of the agreement until you are darn darn sure this is what you want.
This way you'll know if really wants you for what you are and not just for what he can get.
For now.. date, court, and just check it out...
2006-12-24 02:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it is true we all have cheated , In our minds or on skins, if you admit it or not , I say this because I've been there and to see the pain in her eye's that I caused changed my life for ever, some say once a cheater always a cheater, I believe this not to be true, she gave that 2nd chance , and I vowed to myself I would never hurt like that again instead I would spend the rest of my life making her as happy as I can and to this day I my look at another women but she is the only one I see. All I can say is thank GOD she gave me that chance, I truly hope everything works out for you.
2006-12-24 02:30:28 · answer #8 · answered by hardroader67 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is earn not given. In time you will not only foregive but he will deserve your trust. I guess accepting a slap in the face is an act of foregiveness - two slaps proves one is totally undeserving. Life is not a ball game with three strikes - A man cheats twice - proves he ain't your man
2006-12-24 02:44:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you can trust him again, if he really showed good intentions then he wants to fix things again. I really believe that everybody makes mistakes, and we are al humans after all, it is not so bad making a mistake, what is bad is never learning from it.
Give it time, in time your wound will heal, and everything will be fine again, as long as you both want this ship to sail.
Good luck
2006-12-24 02:12:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take time to regain trust in him again. I would say if he is sincere and you feel deep down in your heart that he is sorry, then I would give him another chance. But keep your eyes and ears open at all times. Good luck!
2006-12-24 02:26:30 · answer #11 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋