Need help on what to do with a fat, lazy, slob of a husband that is turning me out of this marriage of 15 yrs.

Question

My husband comes home from work and sits on the couch everynight either playing games on his computer or watching TV. He's even go to the point where he will call the kids from another room to get him a beer, or soda or whatever from the kitchen that less than 10 feet away. He has gained so much weight that I am not attracted to him anymore which is causing problems elsewhere in the marriage. If I want anything done around the house I have to do it myself and take care of both of the kids with dropping them off and picking them up from practices. I ask him to do things and they never get done but the fans turned when he asked me to do something for him, you would think the world is coming to an end. The never finishes projects he starts in the house. He throws his clothes all over the place, not even close to the hamper. My kids think this is acceptable since they see him doing this. He dresses like a bum, grooming, huh,and I couldn't tell you the last time he brushed, he chews.

I try making suggestions and he tells me that I'm not his mother he knows how to dress. He still dresses like as if he is skinny and it doesn't look right, when I try to suggest something he gets mad. It's like it's his way or no way. Although I do know that he would never get violent physically, there's just no communication between the two of us. I can't stand sex with him at all it's like a chore anymore just to keep him happy. He always threatens to leave if I don't, in his condition, like anyone else would want him. I don't even go out anymore because I am embarrased to be around him. And his mouth, oh he swears constantly, freely, even around the kids which really fires me up. The F word floats freely off his tongue, doesn't matter where he's at, and he tells so many stories that aren't true and when I try to correct him, he makes me look like an idiot.

Answer 1

Hi, this is really a big problem, I dont understand one thing, if the husband wants her woman to look beautiful & helpful to her, same way her wife also wants him to look good & to follow-up his duties, for sure husband can't do as much as the wife does but atleast he can do few duties to give her wife a moral support. In your case you have 2 kids also, whome u look after, but dont make a hurry or such a decision which can spoil your children's life as well as their future. Sit with and talk abt this problem, you will not come to any result, untill you discuss it with your husband. There are lot of ppls who will give you their opinions but take a sneak peek to everything cz this is really a critical matter. hope all the best for you.

Answer 2

If this has been a gradual change in him over the years, I would surmise that you had been picking up after him for the most part of the marriage without complaining much.
Is it possible that your husband is suffering from depression and or alcoholism? His weight gain, grooming habits (or lack of) sound like he may be.
Can you have a heart to heart with this man and tell him what and how you are feeling? Sometimes a hard stance can turn one's head. If you cannot, and he refuses to talk, then tell him that he is forcing you to leave the marriage.

Answer 3

same here, my husband of 4 months have been doing the same thing, I have stopped complaining since he is the one bringing all the money in the house hold while I'm stuck doing the dishes, washing his clothes and doing the house cleaning. He tried to use the vacuum cleaner once and I never heard the end of it, he practically died and went to hell because he tried to use the vacuum cleaner. He makes up a lot of excuses not to go to work and makes it seem like he is a hard worker when in fact all he does is watch porn and play his online games. I want a divorce, I have spoken about it to him, but there's no action from me of him. I will just let it be until I crash and burn, I'm no better than my husband, I am a dead person inside

Answer 4

Hi: sorry to hear how unhappy you are It sounds as if you have your hands full.

So, he's a pig but he is not abusive to you or the children, that's a
plus. The only thing I would NOT tolerant is the vulgar language.
You and the kids should not be exposed to verbal brutality.

If you love him then seek some professional help. Your Priest,
Rabbi, Psychologist etc. He won't change until you leave the
house, (temporarily) for as long as needed. He will get the message and if loves you and the kids he will change his ways.
This marriage can be saved. On your return GROUND RULES MUST BE ESTABLISHED. I will have you in my thoughts.
Good luck.

Answer 5

Gosh! You just described my "EX" husband. Those are grounds for divorce! I would classify this as mental abuse! Really!!!! Go to OCSE or call and ask them about Family Court. Svces. are still free to my knowledge. And file a petition for divorce. You are not happy, and marriage = happiness! Leave his dirty asszzz! You deserve BETTER. Same shittt I had to deal with! Only thing he didnt gain weight. He was in the military. But nasty! Didn't want to bathe or brush his teeth. Kept the house filthy.I had to constantly clean. When he went to Bosnia I noticed how clean the house was. I said he's not coming back here.

Answer 6

Maybe he is suffering from schizophrenia.... Talk to a professional....

A short summary of a list of negative symptoms are:

lack of emotion - the inability to enjoy regular activities (visiting with friends, etc.) as much as before
Low energy - the person tends to sit around and sleep much more than normal
lack of interest in life, low motivation
Affective flattening - a blank, blunted facial expression or less lively facial movements, flat voice (lack of normal intonations and variance) or physical movements.
Alogia (difficulty or inability to speak)
Inappropriate social skills or lack of interest or ability to socialize with other people
Inability to make friends or keep friends, or not caring to have friends
Social isolation - person spends most of the day alone or only with close family

Answer 7

Well, if you can't convince him to go with you to counseling, go yourself. Sounds like he's as comfortable as can be, and his routine works for him because you're not going anywhere. Take care of your own health, mental and physical, by exercising, getting your hair or nails done, and keeping your appearance up for YOU! If he wants to throw his crap all around, just carve out an area that's all to yourself and keep your stuff clean and tidy. You cannot make a man change, they have to do it themselvesm but you can change YOURSELF! That's who you have control over. Let your kids see how you conduct yourself for an example.

Answer 8

If he needs to spend more time at home why did you quit your job? Now he has to work harder. You are a terrible wife. He's gained wait....What ever happened to "for better or for worse". Even worse you are fantasizing about other men. Did you know that if you commit adultery in your mind it's just as bad as the act itself. You should have just has sex with that guy, it was just as bad. Maybe he prefers his belly hanging over wild sex with you b/c you are a middle aged almost menopausal woman who was never that attractive to begin with. That's the best advice I can give.

Answer 9

I think you need to immediatley let him know that you want to see a marriage counsler and if he would be willing to go see one. If you want the marriage to continue i think this would be your best option. if you still love him and want this too work tell him you want to see someone to work out problems that are happening in the relationship. if he doesn't want to go to the counsler then ask him if he is willing to listen to you if you are willing to listen to him and help you work on making the relationship more effective for both of you. If he continues to just be this way then i would say his is just not worth anyones time and believe me he probably wont find anyone if you leave him because if he doesn't care about himself or anyone else what kind of idiot would want him. tell him things gotta change. Im knewly married and if this ever happened to me id leave. you deserve to be happy.

Answer 10

1 in a million odds of this...do you live down the street from me? got a neighbor who has a mate like this...a primate.
i'll bet he says I work hard all week and bring home the money that you spend.
sounds like an ******. sorry you have to deal with this kind of slob. maybe santa will bring you a new lover under the tree.