married for 16 years if i could go back and change that ,i wouldn't have got ting married?

Question

alot of thing change after marriage. divorce is the next what do you people think.

Answer 1

My husband left me shortly before our 29th anniversary, and the divorce was final almost 6 months after our 30th. I went through a lot of unpleasant stuff with him during those years, and the divorce itself was devistating to me....but strange as it may seem, if I had the choice I would do it all over again. You see, I have the most wonderful children in the world...they are the best part of both him and I...and I wouldn't miss out on having them for anything. To not have spent those years with him would mean that I would not have had those children.

Yes, a lot of things do change after marriage....but that is why the vows say better/worse, richer/poorer, sickness/health. You go through all of them, and it either makes you stronger, or it breaks you. Playing the game of "what if" or "if only" doesn't help you at all...it just makes you more miserable. Concentrate on the here and now, and leave the past in the past...you cannot change what happened then, only what happens now.

Answer 2

To tell you the truth I don't think much really changes after marriage...I think what happens is that BEFORE we are married we are putting what WE think is the best of ourselves forward, being what we percieve is what the other person wants to see. Once married we go back to being our REAL selves. When I got married we both KNEW the real persons because the only reason we married was financial. Yes I loved him, yes, he loved me but we didn't need to be married to prove that. The only thing was that I didn't have health insurance and if I would have gotten pregnant neither one of us could have afforded the bills that would have come with a pregnancy at that time. He was in the military and in those days they didn't cover unmarried partners. So we got married, for all the WRONG reasons and we both knew we weren't really cut out for married life anyway. So, now we are divorced. I don't believe that all couples SHOULD get married, however even in this day and age if an unmarried couple wants to purchase a house together it isn't a great idea because of what can happen later on with the house if the couple splits up. Unlike in a divorce one can have complete control of ALL of the assets while the other one is left with just the clothes on his/her back. At least in a marriage/divorce situation things are more equitable. The laws are changing in that respect but very slowly. I don't regret getting married, it gave me my daughter who has been an infinate source of joy. I learned a lot about myself that I might not have had I not gone through a marriage. I know that I will never get married again (have had the chance turned it down) because I'm not one to be married.

Answer 3

A marriage is commitment. It is hard work. Divorce is for those too lazy to work at it. I have been married for 13 years & we have three children. My husband & I have never had what most would consider a fight. We have disagreements but they never have gotten out of hand & we settle the matter right then & there. We have never let anything fester. There are times when my husband is making me nuts, so I suggest he go fishing so that he can unwind & so can I. When I get wound up, he suggests that I go saddle up & go for a ride. We are very close & it seems like every year we get closer. I have loved my husband since I was 12 years old & nothing has changed that. No I do NOT love him blindly. We all have our faults & you either love the person dispite these or you don't. NO, I do NOT divote my entire life to him & I am NOT his maid or his cook. We share the chores & the responsibility of our boys. We have grown as a couple & as a family. We have also allowed each other to grow & to change & we have done what we can to support those changes. Marriage does take work & you have to WANT to work at it to keep the love alive & growing.

Answer 4

I feel the same way as you. With 2 of my exs and especially the one I am with now. If divorce is what you want then go for it, if not try to resolve it.. Me, I just do what I like to do and he does what he likes to do, yet we are still friends and count on each other for a lot of stuff. The attention span in this marriage was over as soon as it started, but there are no children involved, cause they are all grown up (32 and 34). I stick with it cause this makes number 3 in trying to find what I want in a relationship and I know it is out there, I just am not in the right place. Besides I am too old to start over. My mother-in-law has the same problem so bad that she cries about it when she talks to me, but her answer is the same.Too old to start over. If you can hang in there do it , if not then your best move is to get out. Don't stay because you think it is the right thing to do.. After all you deserve happiness, love and respect just like everybody else in this world.

Answer 5

i have been married for 35 years and i would not change a thing yes things change in marriage, but that is what makes it interesting. it is called maturing. marriage should be based off of love and concern for each other, with out this you can't expect it to work. divorce should never be an option. hope you rethink your marriage before you do something wrong.

Answer 6

I had 26 years of marriage.
I stayed because of the commitment and left becasue of the insanity.
You did what you thought was right 16 years ago. You couldn't of forseen the future. Sometimes we just need to start fresh again

Answer 7

Typical. Like yourself, you think a relationship should always be great, and it's people like you who get divorced. When you get married, you devote your entire life to the other individual, NO MATTER WHAT! You've said the words before, "In sickness or health..." I suppose you just didnt mean them. Thats the problem. No one says what they mean anymore and no one means what they say. I dont care if you dont even LOVE your spouse the way you did when you first got together, you should still stay with them, even if you arent the happiest person in the world.

Answer 8

I think may people who get divorced wish they had never gotten marreid in the first place. Sorry that yours has or is failing. Mine failed after 24 years. I have many regrets but I have two great adult kids. I am glad there are here.

Answer 9

imo
after 16 years...you could try marriage counseling
or if you want out of the marriage
the you do need to see a lawyer and proceed with a divorce
how does your husband feel about this?

Answer 10

If I could go back..... I would get married. We can never know what will happen in the future. Things happen...it's how we go from hear is the question.

Not enough information to answer your real question.