I had an arranged marriage. Today is my third day into marriage, and on the very evening of our marriage my wife told me not to touch her for at least two years... (Though I am clean, handsome, healthy,... and don’t have any problems that repel people)..... I don't want to divorce her, I can't hurt her either..... what should i do....
2006-12-23 17:34:17 · 46 answers · asked by ita 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your wife require counselling from a good physiologist or gynaecologist. She seems to have some wrong conception about marriage & actually what she wants is to avoid pregancy till 2 years which she feels will occure immediately if she indulge in sex with you, but if this fact is explained to her that doing sex doesnt always means getting pregnant as such thing can be avoided by using contraceptives she will agree to it & your problem will be solved.
2006-12-23 18:05:52 · answer #1 · answered by bisexualmale s 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't know much about arranged marriage, but if the two of you did not get a chance to really know each other before hand I can understand why your wife would be uncomfortable being intimate with you right now. It will be difficult, but I think that for your marriage to work in a modern society, you need to date and court your wife like you might have done if you didn't get into an arranged marriage. If she doens't seem to care for you however after a reasonable period of time, maybe you should consult your family, or maybe her Mom, and see what your culture is supposed to do under those circumstances. I'm sure you're not the first husband that this happened to.
2006-12-23 17:45:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey! Are you sure you heard her correct? Maybe she insisted that you don’t touch her two ears…just joking. Listen my friend this sounds ludicrous. Even if you want to be the perfect gentleman you should demand an explanation…a reason for her strange request. It is very hard to offer any kind of advice until we have a reason. Just tell her you are willing to go along with her; however, she must give you a valid reason. In case there is no proper reason I suggest you get out of the marriage. I am sorry man if this is for real I honestly feel for you.
2006-12-23 23:54:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, nobody asked you why she wants this arrangement. I would want to know. If she's very young, as is often the case with Indian marriages, then I could understand and respect her wishes. But if she is an adult, I would be very clear with her how I feel about marriage, love, and her. I would try to convince her that love making is part of marriage and that it is not a bad thing. If she still refuses, the choice of waiting is yours. There is no guarantee that in two years, she will suddenly want to sleep with you.
2006-12-24 09:34:30 · answer #4 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I know your heart must feel like it's breaking. The wedding is such a big deal to everyone, both families are invested in this too, you have such high hopes for your future life... and snap! First of all, understand that it's her, not you.
Depending on where you are and the local laws, you might be able to get an annulment of the marriage. If you like her well enough to stay with her, or have cultural or personal reasons to stay, the key thing is to find out WHY she wants it that way. Is she afraid? Repulsed? Previously abused? Hiding previous experience in fear that you would reject her (would you?)? Ignorant of how those things work? Doesn't understand or want to use birth control but doesn't want a child yet? Likes someone else and is hoping she won't by then? Wants to see how you "turn out" before "giving you everything"? You may need to have a third party (such as a counselor or therapist if you are in the US) help you discuss such things, both separately and together.
Once you have a clear and open understanding of her reasons (there may be many), then you figure out what to do (maybe still with counseling help). You may decide that her reasons are valid and you are willing to wait. Or she may change her stand. Or you may (both) decide it's not going to work out.
But understanding and listening is key. And both of you may need to learn how to listen. It's not just hearing words! More than one marriage I know of personally broke up because neither really listened to the other. Search for "listening skills" or "communication skills" on the web--there is lots of really useful stuff out there (this one looked like a good, easy way to get started: http://www.positive-way.com/listenin.htm ). Some are for listening to an instructor rather than a partner, but the skills are similar.
I'd love to know which culture you come from, since I've recently learned that many cultures have arranged marriage (I'm from California--Americans generally don't do those). I've also learned that _both_ arranged marriages and love marriages don't always work out (I've personally watched both types break up recently).
Anyway, it will be hard work, and you may have to do most of it yourself. Do your best to be kind, patient and caring (that may be the single best thing you can do for your marriage!). Good luck to both of you!
2006-12-23 18:12:05 · answer #5 · answered by just_curious 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Bridge the Gap.
She has some dreams which have been shattered by marrying to you. Maybe an affair before marriage which she has not been able to communicate to her parents.
Give her time. Be Nice to her. Win Her heart. You may not have to wait 2 Years.
Find out her likes and dislikes. Do what she likes genuinely. It will win her over.
May need just a week to 10 days to pour her heart out.
2006-12-23 17:40:52 · answer #6 · answered by heartbeat_gi 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think she might have had a breakup before marrying you..and thats why she still feels "committed" physically and mentally to someone else despite getting married to you..be her friend..her best friend first..get her to tell her problems to you...ask her point blank if she was forced into the marriage..in india parents have a strong influence in forcing marriages..so be frank and open with her..but be a friend because don't forget, you are her husband and you do want to know her well...and get rid of her problems as far as possible.
2006-12-27 03:24:59 · answer #7 · answered by raj_mehta_rulez 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be patient with her and get to know her. May be she does not want to get pregnant so soon. Some one must have scared her about the baby and how some women loose their figure and some husbands loose interest in sex and things like that. You need to find out from her the reason for her decision. You can accomplish that only by being patient with her and let her know there are options out there if she does not want to get pregnant right away. Hang in there buddy and get to know her. I am a women and I hated my first night and still do. Sad fact is that I am still married to that idiot after 25 yrs for the sake of my children. So I commend you for giving her wishes. But get to know her and I think there is a simple explanation for her decision.
2006-12-24 05:00:51 · answer #8 · answered by "Vallamkali" 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
arranged marriages..it really depends where you are from? Here in the US you have to sleep together (have sex) the first night of marriage in order to consumate the marriage, it use to be that if you didnt that would void the marriage.
Now..with that said. I understand how you would not want to divorce your new wife. I would suggest that the grandparents may be looking for grandchildren soon and may think something is wrong. Some cultures it would be bad not to have a child soon. In all due respect, you may need to speak to her and if that does not work..maybe you could speak to your in-laws to have them say that they want a grandchild...
2006-12-23 18:55:40 · answer #9 · answered by giveu2tictacs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's telling you no, then you better listen to her. I've heard of arranged marriages and often they run into trouble very early on. If she's very young (under 18), I'd suggest you wait until she is of legal age. Maybe seek counseling from a qualified source on this issue.
2006-12-23 20:24:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋