Married and angry. Help?

Question

Ive been married 5 months and lived with my husband for a year before that. Ive become really testy and angry lately. Everything he does is annoying me. When he leaves everything open and running and leaves his pants on the floor and wont go anywhere with me. I feel some what neglected. I dont feel like he makes enough effort to clean up after himself and show me he cares and go out with me. Im starting school soon but ive been staying home cooking and cleaning for him. He never wants to go anywhere or go anywhere with me when i go to the store or etc. Ive been snapping at him when he does something annoying. Ive been very hurtful.Im stressed and ive let him know and we've argued and he has made no effort to be supportive or show me he cares with any jesture. How do i get him to see i need him to be there for me and feel less stressed by all the anything things he does and all the time i spend bymyself and when he comes home and doesn't want to go anywhere. He doesn't get it.

Everytime I bring it up to him that i feel neglected or that he doesn't do enough around the house. He just says that im attacking him and he turns it around on me and gets mad and we go no where with this. everytime i try and work out the problems with him like i want him to pick up after himself or i want him to show me more attention he just doesn't hear me. I tell him you dont understand what im saying. How do i get him to appreciate what i do . He does clean every once in awhile but i do 90 percent of it and when i tell him he doesn't do enough he insults me by saying what did you do all day or you dont do the dishes everyday. I do them everyday he just isn't hear to see them. he always says well i do this or i do that way more then you and its never true. i feel kinda of like he doesn't appreciate or notice me. what do i do

Answer 1

Set him down and point out all the very important things you do for him. Demand to be respected. You do alot for this man, he needs to respect you. Set a certain night a week to do a "couple thing" Have a nice dinner out, or go to the movies, take a nice romantic walk. If it gets any worse, check into marriage counseling. It never hurt anybody to try. Good luck hon!

Answer 2

Well, this is something you had to see coming. The whole year that you were living together you had to see this type of behavior. He didn't just wake up the day after the honeymoon and say, "I have her right where I want her, so what's the point in making her happy."
If you have talked to him and he won't help then you have two options to take.
One, you could leave him. Maybe not divorce, but some kind of separation to let each other know what the other brings to the relationship, the longer you stay apart, the less likely you will get back together.
Two, you could not worry about it anymore and let him clean up behind himself. When he leaves the clothes on the floor, don't pick them up. When it comes time to wash the laundry, wash what is actually in the hamper. When he leaves the lights on and the water running, leave them on. Sure it run the bill up, but he will have to pay for part of that bill also. I'm not saying that you should be childish, but stop trying to be his mother and start being his wife. He is a grown man. Also, if you want to go out, then go. If he stays at home, oh well. A few nights at home without you and he will want to come along. This suggestion will cause arguments to ensue at first, but after everything is out in the open, the two of you will eventually come to a compromise. Whether you can live with it or not is up to you.

Answer 3

Well, sounds like you are behaving more like a mother and not as a wife and he's feeling angry at you because isn't nice that somebody specially your wife or husband will be breathing in your neck. I call that control. He's not your child, he's your husband, you need to show some restraint from your verbal abuse and if you don't stop it is going to be worse and then you are heading for divorce. You are blind because you are angry at him and that don't let you to see the reality and to put in perspective the whole situation. In your complaint is all about YOU and in a relationship is 50% each one. So half is his fault and the other half is you. Calm down and detach from the situation, then try to watch the entire situation without feeling a victim, just as if you were watching a movie BUT not try to put to much cream to your tacos, be impartial. When you find out what are you doing wrong to make him to react with aloofness and cold. A person who works wants to come home and eat a good dinner and lie down to rest and to enjoy his or her homelife. Then you said that he doesn't want to go out, do you know why? Because you are barking at him at all times!! Who wants to go out with a person who everything that he does is wrong? Do you know how I call to that sindrome? The sindrome of the Giant Left Hand. He feels that way, because everything that he does he fails, nothing is enough for you. You have the option to talk to him in a nice way about the problem, how you feel, what you expect from him, what do you want to share with him, and the most important: how much you love him. And remember that to live and to share a life with a person is not easy, during the course of the time you will learn how to live together, with respect, consideration and love. Sometimes is not the other person is just us. Good luck and have patience.

Answer 4

Maybe he is tired when he gets home and really doesn't feel like going anywhere. If so it has nothing to do with you. As for the clothing situation, I got advice from my mother-in-law on that one. I know it might be hard to do, it was for me, but it took a week of my husband leaving his socks on the floor and my not picking them up for him to come around. When he ran out of clean socks he started to put them in the laundry. And he walked right by the washer where the lid is always open to go to bed at night, Go Figure. I don't really know what to say about the not going anywhere with you, except maybe he is just tired and is glad to get home and really doesn't want to go back out. Heck my hubby and I hardly ever go anywhere together. It stressed me out at first, but now I am finding out I like going places without him. If I go to a store I can look around more. And if you go to a friends house your best answer to him if he ever asks you when you will be back, tell him you don't know, it depends on what the two of you have to talk about. Never feel neglected when you have to pick up after anybody. Put more self worth into yourself, sweetie. Believe me he doesn't need you as his maid.

Answer 5

I think part of this is that both of your daily activities are so different. You want to get out and he wants to get in.
Also, you have been married such a short period of time, but if he hasn't changed since day one in the habits you described in your question, I would say you have. Some of your frustration may be that you feel a sense of loss in the independent sense.
Talk to your husband, not at him, and explain to him just what is bothering you and then listen to him. Then promise each other you will work on the flaws that are urking you. Good luck.

Answer 6

i'd reduce all ties for solid. i do not care how a lot he begs for friendship, that's only a fashion to maintain you close up, and also you want your distance to heal your self and substances your toddler the perfect you may. In my day, at the same time as human beings broke up and reported they needed to proceed to be friends, it became a diplomatic problem, we seldom made it happen, a minimum of rapidly. he's not nicely worth a relationship, yet all isn't lost. possibly his function on your existence became to allow for the love of your existence to seem on your existence: Your baby. no man or woman should be more desirable major on your existence than your toddler. Kiss him so long and enable him bypass for the sake of your baby and your self. Redhead: it really is thoroughly conceivable if she resides abroad. it isn't uncommon, many "unmarried" mexicans you meet interior the U. S. are married and they call their different halves once a week from a payphone, tell them they don't have a telephone, deliver them funds and promise to call decrease back next week.

Answer 7

You said yourself that you've been snapping and mean. So it doesn't surpise me that he's not wanting to spend time with you. Let him know about the stuff that bugs you like the clothes on the floor, but stop looking for him to make you happy. Only one person is responsible for your happiness and that's you. Oh, and you are not responsible for his happiness either by the way, so quit picking up his clothes and cooking when you don't want to.

Answer 8

Show him just what you wrote down here. Obviously he's not putting much effort into your relationship. He needs to see how frustrated you are. He should realize all you do around the house and should show you some appreciation. You need to communicate this to him effectively or give him his walking papers.

Answer 9

First of all stop snapping at him. Be nice, continue to do things for him, but tell him to pick up after himself. Without being confrontational tell him you want to be taken out and shown that you are loved, respected and cared for.
If things don't change, Stop flogging a dead horse and move on.

Answer 10

If you have lived with him for a year, none of this should shock you.
Thing about marriage is you have to talk to one another. Otherwise it just wont work.