friend of the court or "or work it out"?

Question

short relationship, were pregnant, break up. baby came and I always tried to be a family but she would never hear of it. she's not nice trying to work out arrangements about our child. despite the obvious fact that we are not going to be together (because she says). I think that she does not respect the fact that i need to be around our young child as a father. Ive been nice about everything, she says that she wants me involved but never acts like it. Visitation Is becoming a pain because she somtimes does not call back about times. Im always playing catch up just to see my daughter 2 days a week. lts gotten shurnk down to about 10 hours a week. I dont care if she likes it or not but I plan on being my childs father. when is enough of enough before getting the courts involved. I still wabt to be a family but I dont know when to quit, because I dont want to fight with her forvever

our baby is 5 months and I want overnights and real time to devolpe our bond

Answer 1

This is a good time to start documenting every minute you're spending with your daughter and every time she's made it difficult. Try to get her to agree to a joint counselling program without talking about using it to get back together. Right now, it sounds like she is suspicious about your motives. She might think that you are using your daughter to try to "trap" her into being with you.

Back off on any comments about wanting to be a family. Try to get her to agree to putting your visitation arrangement in writing by letting her know that it'll mean you won't have to call her so often. (if she disagrees, make note of that)

After you've documented things for about 2 months, take a look at what you have and it should be clear whether it's time to take it to court.

I'm so sorry things haven't worked out in the relationship. It sounds like you're the mature one and the one who understands what's best for your daughter so you'll have to be the one to back off with your exgirlfriend while keeping up with the fight for visitation of your daughter. It's a hard balance but worth it. Once your ex realizes that you're just trying to be a good father, she might grow up a bit and work with you.

Don't quit on your daughter :) but try to quit with your ex... move on and find someone who'll appreciate the fact that you're the kind of person willing to put your child first.

Answer 2

You are the father every single mother dreams about. I would definitely got to court about this because she really has know right to keep you from your child, especially when you are trying to be their for your daughter. Child support can not be an issue about visitation either. Inform her of the thought of going to court, and let her know you don't want to do this but that she is leaving you with no other choice, because you have tried working with her in this situation.
Before you do file paper's though, make sure you are very informed on parents rights in your state,and visitation guidelines. A lawyer can assist you on this matter. The reason being, is so that you don't screw up your time with your daughter by just settling for the judges guidelines. The guidelines are not always the best route to go.
I don't understand why some women are like that, but would definitely be tired of it.

Answer 3

I applaud your desire of being an active father for your baby girl, it's really hard this days to find a man who would stick to it, so my admiration goes to you!, having said that I would say that if the mother doesn't want to be together with you as a family she is in her right to do so, but...she HAS to let you see your daughter, you mentioned she is just five months old, she is still a little baby, and if the mom is nursing there is no way you could take for a sleep over at your place, you could find other ways of bonding with her, like when you go visit her you could sing her a lullaby that only you would sing so she will recognize her daddy by that, or you could try reading her a book (but honestly I would do the singing), even if you spend just one hour with her make that time the most especial time between you and your daughter, quality is better that quantity. Good luck and Merry Christmas!

Answer 4

I think that you should go to court. It is your right to see your child and on the other side it is your responsiblity to pay child support. If the courts are involved then it makes this easier for all parties, there is no taking away visitation if she is mad at you and there is no chance of not getting child support which is good for your child. You have a right to see your child and it should be a set schedule and one that the courts can force if she choses to be diffcult.

Answer 5

Well im kinda going through the same thing there (im a girl too) i have a child and i dont want the father around becuase we have issues we stiull need to work out. If she dosent want to you cant force her. Just try to show that through your actions rather than your words and hopefully shell believe you. but if she dosent then the only thing you can do is be the best father to that child that you can possibly be and if the opertunity arises for you to get in another relationship with someone you should take it. If later on she desides she wants you then good go for it. But dont pressure her, for your and the childs sake,

Answer 6

You shouldnt have to fight to see your child... if she is not willing to cooperate, you need to sit her down and tell her how serious you are about it. Maybe just the threat of a legal battle for visitation rights will wake her up to the fact that you are serious about your rights as a father. I hope for everyone involved that you do not have to take it to court.. but you should be able to see your child, and if thats what it takes.. thats what it takes. Good luck

Answer 7

Well first of all it's your child too..She cannot keep her from you, it is illegal. Unless that it is proven in court that you are not responsible enough to be a parent, then they will take away your custodial rights..I myself try to avoid law enforcement as much as possible, but in your case I would be in court everyday if it took that to see my daughter..You don't need to fight with her about it, take her to court, and fight for joint custody, that way they can make it so you have her on scheduled days and stuff like that..or if you want fight for total custody and get her permanetly :)

Answer 8

I would say go the court route. You are BOTH the parents and you have rights, the more time you spend not seeing your child , the harder it will be to regulate it. Also if you go the court route you have PROOF you wanted to be involved if she claims you didnt. YOUR ISSUES WITH EACH OTHER do not matter. This is about you and your child.

Answer 9

Everybody seems to be giving you pretty good advice, and I applaud you for being there for your baby. The sad truth though, is that the courts probably won't give you overnights until she is 4 years old. Best thing would be to work it out with the mother if you can.

Answer 10

if the courts haven't been involved maybe you should if you want more time with your child...never give up fighting for your child especially if you want to be there for her