Dating almost divorced woman.?

Question

Ok here's the deal. I am seeing a married woman (I'll call her V). About 6 months ago she walked in on her husband having sex with another woman - turns out he was involved with this woman for 5 of the 6 years they were married. She decided to try and work things out for the sake of the kids but has realized that the relationship is dead and that she'll never be able to trust him again.

Also around 6 months ago I found out my wife was cheating on me and we are in the process of divorce - we sold the house and went our separate ways. Even though the divorce is not final we are done. I have dated many women since.

Then I met V & we have completely fallen in love and have a very strong relationship. She is going to tell him on the 5th that she wants a divorce and she is very concerned about money etc. - although she made it clear that no money is to come from me. We are having a hard time seeing each other and miss eachother dearly. Does anyone have any general advice?

I know 2 wrongs don't make a right and If V was simply married and her husband hadnt cheated - I would never be involved since I know what that's like.

We are so in love it hurts - and neither of us has ever felt like this. It's just that the whole situation is so complicated that I'm hoping someone who's been in this situation can lend some clarity.

Please note: this is NOT a rebound relationship. I have dated many women since ending my relationship.

Answer 1

Generally I believe that a married person should wait until the divorce is final before they start seeing someone, and even then I think people should wait for an extended period of time bc it takes time and energy to emotionally and psychologically get over thr failed relationship-figuring out money and a place to live and visitation, onlpy add to an extreme; complex mix.

I am especially disturbed that she has yet to discuss the "D" word with her husband and believe that she is still very much married.

Having said all that, let me also say that from what you've described, both of you sound very clear aoubt what you think and how you feel and what you want and how you want to proceed.

It is especially significant that she wants no money from you and is prepared to work out wtih her husband the money issues and to be self-supporting otherwise. It is extremely mportant for a variety of reasons that she hold to this position--regardless of what happens in the mid- to long-term future for you two or whether you end up breaking up. Brava to her. She needs to stick, to this position.

In the end, after all of the above, if she and her husband were separated for any clear length of time, I would say go for it full speed. But right about now, bc she hasn't even brought up divorce with him, I think it's wrong and
that you should both cool it. She is truly having an affair/cheating and nothing is made right or better by the fact that you both feel strongly about being together.

As well, don't give hubby any untoward ammunition to throw at her or to the judge deciding on alimony and support for the kids. Don't give hubby any extra ammunition to plead for a second chance, nobly "forgive" her and ask that they try again, paint her in a bad light to the kids, the in-laws, etc.

Don't put the kids in the position of independently wondering about/on their own questioning mom's integrity--either now or when they're in their teens or young adulthood, or they may make judgments about either parent's behavior, the value/meaning of marriage and relationships, and consciously or subconsciously repeat their paremts' mistakes, pick a husband just like dear old dad based on what they imperfectly understand--or know--right now or in the future....You get the picture?

I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't be in touch, you should. Just cool it (on the hot and heavy until the divorce goes through). In the meantime, it sounds lik,e she's not going anywhere and neither are you and there will be so much less pressure, stress, sneaking. and strain. As well, it will be so much sweeter.

Answer 2

This is a hard one. It would be better if you were not involved with her till she got the divorce. What is yours does not work out,she is probably on the rebound and so are you. This kind of relationship can be over in a few week, days or months. Be smart and back off, till she is single. This is a very dangerous place for you to be in, her husband could come after you.

Answer 3

I think it's great that you two are that much in love. I know the feeling, too. But, remember, she is not divorced. And neither are you. Until both divorces are final, I would be careful. Your soon to be ex and her soon to be ex can both screw you guys over and make things a real mess. I really hope things work out, but I would wait until some of the dust clears first before going in head first.

Answer 4

You're still married and yet your dating? That means you're doing exactly what your wife did. YOU are cheating on your marriage and so is V. Seperation is NOT divorce. You are STILL legally married and STILL bound by the marriage contract until divorce. So any relationships you or this other woman get into are just as bad as your partners who you claim to have cheated...

Answer 5

Wow. i became in virtually the proper same difficulty with the guy who became now my husband. He'd been separated from his spouse for a number of years, and he filed for divorce and all of us started relationship. My family participants became a similar way, approximately the way it became incorrect, yet my mom even pronounced that that is incorrect to this point/marry a divorced guy because of the fact the Bible says so. And in case you study the Bible, especially Matthew 19:9 "and that i say to you, whoever divorces his spouse, different than for unchastity, and marries yet another commits adultery." someplace it is going directly to assert that a woman with a divorced guy will become an adulteress. So, this is amazingly a quandary. i became in a similar difficulty...i've got faith that God is forgiving, and my outlook on the placement became this, his spouse is the only that is leaving and there is no longer something he can do to stay along with her. that is not his fault. could he go through on my own for something of his existence because of the fact his spouse wanted to depart him? i do no longer think that's what God needs. i'm so pleased with you for no longer having intercourse with him till you're married, so surely, regardless of if a individual chosen to truly trust the Bible, then you certainly nonetheless have not committed adultery in my e book because you haven't any longer had intercourse. Is it against the regulation to hold palms and replace kisses? i visit function my little bit of warning...i be attentive to ways no longer uncomplicated it somewhat is to attend to be with somebody you desire to be with, yet whilst in any respect obtainable, i think of it somewhat is in all threat WISER to attend till the divorce is very final to this point. i did no longer do it, yet now and returned I choose i could have. nonetheless, in line with threat it would not somewhat make a difference. There are constantly going to be people who do no longer approve of the placement, and you basically could come again to a determination what you think and not difficulty approximately all and sundry else. that is going to likely be between you and God. sturdy success!!

Answer 6

Just make sure you two arn't each others rebound relationship. Make sure it is each other you need and not just a comfort in a difficuilt time.

Take your time And until she files, I would advise you stay away from her. Too many complications could happen

Answer 7

absence makes the heart grow fonder and good things come to those who wait.... also make sure that youre not on the rebound

Answer 8

Horseshoes and handgrenades and atom bombs, those are the only things that where "almost" counts for anything. She is MARRIED watch your back...

Answer 9

yes if she is not divorced yet you have no bussiness dating her!