How do you ask your wife for a separation? She's not a good communicator. How can I minimize her pain?

Question

She has been working a lot lately and finally has a day off coming tommorrow. She wants to spend all day with me having fun and being intimate with each other. The last two years of our marriage has been really bad and I'd rather be alone. We haven't had fun together in forever and I really don't care for her company anymore.

I've been cursed out and degraded in front of our children too many times and she has destroyed the house too many times when we have argued and she has no appreciation for the fact that my sexual needs are more physical than emotional like it is for women. I'm not physically attracted to her anymore because of her excessive weight gain. She doesn't think it should matter. Maybe it wouldn't if I were a woman, but it certainly matters to her. She drops hints the moment I gain half an inch.

I love her and am trying to stick it out for the sake of our children but I really just want a seperation to figure things out.

I have also been physically attacked several times, although not lately. I have too much to lose to fight back.

Answer 1

Bless you for wanting to, but I'm afraid you cannot minimize her pain. We are each responsible for our own emotions. You must do what you must do, what is best for you and your children. No one deserves to be abused, whether male or female.

You kind of lost me on the weight issue, but I have a feeling if you found a plus-sized lady who would treat you like the king of your castle, her weight wouldn't matter. Certainly she should not be criticizing your own weight gain, especially if it is feathers compared to hers.

Answer 2

my heart truly goes out to you, my friend. if she makes you feel that miserable, and is that abbusive, (abbuse doesn't always mean hitting) then what you should do is file an emergency restraining order, coupled with divorce papers. a separation will only drag things out further. and never try and stick it out for the sake of the kids. they will end up resenting you for putting them through the torment of having to see the two of you fight.

Answer 3

Kick her out coz my husband done this to me a few weeks ago and I learned that he had another affair thats why he treats me like this and your question sounds familiar when he kicked me out....