my wife and i have been married for just over a year. befroe we met - she had had plenty of sex with at least 8 guys. i was a virgin when i met her and have only had sex with her. she knew this and we always would kindof play around and rub against her clit with my "guy". we have had real true sex with penetration maybe 4 or 5 times since we started dating (over 2 years ago). and now the sex is completely gone. i have talked to her about it and complained and told her i am so lonely without the sex and nothing ever changes. we have been in counseling too and i bring this up,, and we never get anywhere on the subject. i don't want t cheat on her, i just want to have a real relationship with her. including a great sex life. what is wrong? help!
2006-12-23 16:26:41 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I often wondered where my ex-wife went. Now I see you married her. She hasn't changed a bit.
2006-12-23 16:29:37 · answer #1 · answered by johN p. aka-Hey you. 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Sexual incompatibility can really be a severe problem in a relationship, and over time make one feel more lonely and empty than ever.
BUT if I were you I'd try to seek a different therapist--both couple counseling AND individual therapy.
DId you go to a regular therapist OR a sex therapist? Many counselers claim to be an expert in all area's but they are in fact not. Make sure to go to a REAL sex therapist that actually specializes in sexual relationships.
The only way for now until hopefully your relationship heals in this area is to seek creative ways to relieve lonliness.
And you only live once, so if in time it proves that nothing has changed while settle for a celibate marriage?
You may want to be honest with her and tell her that in time you may feel vulnerable to other women. Because in all likelyhood this is what may happen.
I have no idea what her issues are but it sounds like a lot more is going on than just merely a low sex drive.
Good luck!!
2006-12-23 16:37:02 · answer #2 · answered by deirdrefaith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man i made this point years ago about promiscuous women....it's that cycle...women at a young age need to "find themselve" or whatever that crap is...or just 'have fun' so they go and do just that...screw around, get experience, blah blah....lookin for those thrills from the ******* and thugs n what not. And DISMISS all the nice decent dudes....THEN when they get older and TIRED of all the fun and games, they FINALLY wanna settle down, and then all of a sudden the nice virgin guys are suddenly 'mr. right'. And just like in this scenario, you, it being the first time, want it all the time..while, since she's experienced, probably bored of it..and more in a 'companionship' relationship rather than the excitement you are NOW experiencing...don't wanna give it up, or make the effort cause it's no longer her priority or thrill....and now you have this issue.
I'm sorry man, it's either you find something to spark her fire again...or call it quits and look for someone just as inexperienced and eager for it as you. OR someone who still has their fire going, has experience, and is willing to work with you...but she's done man from the sounds of it....her happy freaky days are over...it's just pure companionship and stability.
2006-12-23 16:39:11 · answer #3 · answered by Dennis 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think there is some underlying issue with your husband that hasn't been discussed. There must be some reason all of a sudden he started acting this way towards you. Was your pregnancy planned? Even if he loves your child that does not mean he may not resent you for getting pregnant before he was ready. You need to talk to him and get down to the bottom of things. I don't think it helped only being married for a few months before becoming pregnant and then, having a child to care for. Marriage is something that a lot of people have to adjust to and it doesn't sound like the two of you had time to do so.
2016-05-23 03:15:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not bring another person (old boyfriends, family, etc) into your bedroom. This is your time to create a safe and energetic time to her. Start with safe. Meaning that she has too feel relaxed and safe. Maybe she does. Perhaps that was the reason the exploration before you. Is she safe with you? Talk about it.
When my daughter's relationship suddenly came to a halt, I suggested that each draw on a card with 4 sections: heart/mind/spirit/body and in each section write 4 needs or wants. They then exchanged cards and were surprised how the other responded. It opened their eyes to one another. They put the cards on the refridge and refer to it sometimes as even after they understood their needs and desires they still forgot and remember their own only. She thought he would enjoy ......... but he had no interest. He thought she thought and / but when he saw that she didn't... he stopped pushing that. They discovered things they they did like that they never knew. But it has to be written and posted. Now they enjoy each other a lot more. Try it. It may work. If not... move on.
2006-12-23 16:44:56 · answer #5 · answered by nanbeloved 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is probably the answer you are not looking for, but maybe she has problems she doesn't feel comfortable discussing with anyone. Maybe the idea of you being a virgin was exciting to her then and now that you are not the excitement has worn off. If this is the case you might want to get a divorce and find someone who really cares about you and doesn't care if you are or are not a virgin. I am so sorry about this, after only a year. T
2006-12-23 16:47:28 · answer #6 · answered by myninny54 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know you said you never get any where on the subject in couseling. She had to have said something though. Is it possable she is getting it outside the marriage? How about protection, is she affraid of getting PG? There is nothing like making love, however have or do you satisfy yourself to help maintain hornyness? Maybe stop bringing it up and in time she will be after you. She is the only one who knows for sure what is wrong. Maybe sex is not an easy subject for her talk about.
2006-12-23 16:37:32 · answer #7 · answered by azgrmadonna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think it is your inexperience that is keeping her from having sex with you. You may need to learn the art of seduction. There are many books on the subject. She may have something from her past that is inhibiting her sexdrive. She may have a hormonal inbalance...There are many factors that could be involved. Talk to your family doctor, make sure she isn't depressed or chemically inbalanced. Browse through your local bookstore for hints and tips on how to seduce or please her.
Please look at all the factors before you take the road towards cheating...that only ends in heart ache....Good Luck
2006-12-23 16:54:51 · answer #8 · answered by MARY L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've tried counseling and nothing happens then I think it's best if you end the marriage. You sound young still, and you deserve to be 100% fulfilled in your marriage...including having a healthy sex life.
2006-12-23 16:30:57 · answer #9 · answered by Green-Eyed Gal 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If someone doesnt want sex, or doesnt feel the need to have sex you cant force them to. Respect your partners wishes, if she does not want sex dont try to make her have it. If you truly love her you will stay with her, even if it means no sex. If sex is really that important to you then leave her and find someone else, but do NOT cheat on her.
2006-12-23 16:34:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, dont put too much pressure on her, dont blame her too much. Focus on the fact that you love her so much and show it to her. The sex part may come naturally afterwards. Never insist on having sex, suggest and try to arouse your partner. If this does not work, you can still try watching porn together to get horny...maybe it can work. By the way, in case it might bother you that she's has sex before with other guys, this is something you should forget beccause she did all that before meeting you. It does not count. Now she's yours and yours only. To all the guys she slept with you can proudly say "She's mine and mine only. She's with me and it's me she really loves!"
2006-12-23 16:34:22 · answer #11 · answered by Maria wants no hassle 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋