I was married 22 years, recently we have a friendly divorce, how do you go on, how do you want to meet someone and go through that nightmare of learning each others ins and outs when in the end they could just want to be on thier own. Heck how do you get up each morning and put that smile on?
2006-12-23 16:17:50 · 20 answers · asked by wheeldave2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wheeldave, I know it's difficult but all I can advice you is " LIVE in the NOW. " Happiness is a journey, not a destination.Don't worry about what might and might not happen, again. Get busy. Engaged in sports or any leisure activities that you would enjoy. Get to know yourself better. It's time to focus your attention on YOU. Discover your higher purpose!
One more thing that might help put that smile on. Practice the art of gratitude.Just be grateful. Be grateful for 22 years. Be grateful the divorce was friendly. Be grateful you are healthy, etc. I know It's not easy but remember, Life does not always gives what you ask for, but it aways gives what you need. Good luck!
2006-12-23 17:12:33 · answer #1 · answered by indigo77 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
((((hugs for you)))))
It can be very difficult, especially the first year or so.
I was married 18 years when I divorced some years back. I spent the first couple of years concentrating on getting my kids raised (they were teens then) and decided not to even date until they were on their own. This was just my personal choice, but it was a good one for me.
I know what you mean about the whole learning someone new, and all of that .... I had decided that I would rather remain single than go through all of that again .... alas ......
I met someone online in a game room, and we were so well matched, so much alike in many ways, that once we got together in person, there really wasn't all that much to get accustomed to, not at all like I had feared it would be! That was five years ago, we have been married going on three years, and it has been the most wonderful and amazing thing for both of us.
He had been married 25 years, and had all the same worries and concerns, but also found it was much easier than expected. Neither of us was looking when we found each other, either.
Just want you to know that it gets easier, and that it is possible to have another relationship, one that is as good or even better than the previous one. Just make sure you are ready for a relationship, and don't settle ...
best of luck to you
2006-12-23 16:24:22 · answer #2 · answered by Pichi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good luck in your new life!
I was divorced after a 20 year marriage. It took me a long time to be able to trust a man again. I tried dating sites, but did not like the people I met there-things just never felt right when we communicated.
I learned to accept that I would be single the rest of my life and embraced the new life. I finished my Master's degree, started new hobbies, joined a few clubs, and made a lot of new friends. I learned to be happy when I was alone. I learned to look in the mirror and see a person who was becoming more interesting each day.
Of course, when I finally accepted being single and enjoyed having no one to answer to, I met someone special. We met here on "answers" when I answered one of his questions. We got to know each other through email and IM. I thought he was really interesting, but did not consider a future with him until I learned he was about my age. We decided to meet (we chose a place half-way between our states) and fell in love at first sight. It was wonderful because we already knew a lot about each other from the messaging. There was no stress, no wondering what to talk about, things just went very well. We were married earlier this month. I don't think I would have ever gotten married again if I had to got the normal meet and date route.
2006-12-23 16:57:24 · answer #3 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just do becuase it is all apart of life...I am divorced...and I divorced him...and he remarried, but I am still searching and I am 39 years old....
Learning about the in's and out's of someone should be an adventure...and not a chore...
I heard this saying that, sometimes you have to slay a few dragons along the way..., Life is an adventure, a quest...Each day, I find something that makes me smile and I hold on to that memory. Even if it is as small as a chipmunk running around like it is confused..I can relate! lolol
Life is not about what was, or what could have, or should have been, and it is not about tomorrow. It is about the here and now, live for right now, live your life for yourself.
Look around each day, and find the joys in life.
Today is the only day that we have. Why not make the very best of it?
2006-12-23 16:34:38 · answer #4 · answered by Mechelle C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lots of patience.My first 2 years were really rough.Lots of bills lots of memories and it seemed like allot of problems.I hated getting up in the morning and dealing with everyone and everything.I found out that if I stayed busy at work and kept a steady routine at home that things were better.I didn't sit around and think about old times.I still had bad days but it got better.Its now been 6 years and I still think about the past sometimes.Its hard to forget the past and sometimes it hurts to remember but I don't let it get me down.You may never forget what happened or how it once was but after some time goes by you will become numb and it will get better.Finding someone to go out with can be a good thing but remember DONT MOVE TO FAST because you can get hurt easily.Your emotions are still tender and its easy to fall for someone on the rebound.
2006-12-23 16:52:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think of the good that can come into my life. I've been divorced and widowed. After my divorce, I thought of the good things that can come, like a new love or new life. I thought of a new career I could get and how much more money I'd have to myself. I also though of my kids and thier future. Soon, I found my second husband. Our marriage was so fun, and it was what I was hoping for. But it ended when he passed away. After that, what kept me smiling was my grandchildren. Around that time, my kids were getting married and starting families. Also, looking back at my life, made me happ because it wasn't so bad.
2006-12-23 16:27:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not easy. A divorce is like a death, but you still see your former spouse. Give yourself time to grieve over the loss. Don't go into a relationship right away. This could be used as a time for you to explore some new likes and dislikes on your own. Take some time for yourself. If you don't feel like smiling some mornings, then don't, your true friends will understand. You'll have good days for awhile then have a simply awful day when everything comes crashing down around you and you just want to scream. But it DOES gradually get better. (I speak from experience.) When it starts to get better that's when you're moving on and then maybe start casual dating or just hanging out. The important thing is to take time to heal first.
2006-12-23 16:25:37 · answer #7 · answered by wolf_lady509 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
After 22 years of marriage it is really tough to forget inspite of a divorce. Take your time and nurse your broken heart. You may or may not feel like going out with another woman. It is OK in either case. Keep smiling, it is the best way to get out of a bad mood. Don't blame yourself for the break up. There are many who could not survive for 22 years in marriage. Time should heal the sadness. try to concentrate on what you have - your children, career, etc. Spend time with friends and relatives. Try not to stay alone for long stretches of time. Read about divorce and how to manage your life and emotions.
Best of luck.
2006-12-23 16:45:29 · answer #8 · answered by StraightDrive 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 23 yrs....its hard at first.....you dont even start to get over it until its been about 2 yrs....it takes that long to grieve the loss of what was and come to terms with being alone...(without the one you were with for sooo long)...some days are good, some bad,,,some better....You just take it slow and keep putting one foot in front of the other....sometimes you just take it minute by minute...then you take it hour by hour and then day by day.....do what you can handle for the moment.....It is very much starting your life over....and at first it sucks a LOT...even if you know that the divorce had to be and was the right thing to do....I ran across a book called, "Crazy Time"...byAbigail Trafford. It is an amazing book.....I still read it from time to time....It addresses all the feelings that arise from the whole situation....Makes you realize you are no going out of your mind...even though it sure seems like it most of the time.....GET IT.... It has been 3 yrs for me and i am just realizing that staying "friendly" with my ex is actually keeping both of us from going on with our lives.....I have tried meeting someone...but there are a lot of messed up people with their own baggage out there...Its a different world than it was 25 years ago ...but I am not giving up on love....I am trying to focus on taking care of myself since I spent the last 25 taking care of family (husband and kids)....Its different and its hard sometimes...but I am hopeful and still look to the future positively....It's all good! Hang in there....Good Luck
2006-12-23 16:39:21 · answer #9 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I get up putting on that smile because I know I am no longer in a place where I cried myself to sleep every night. I have what I want in life and I enjoy every day to the fullest. I am free to do and be what I want without someone else telling me that I can't or that I'm too stupid, etc. I enjoy the company of many good friends I have a job I enjoy, go to college and travel. How could I NOT get up each morning with a smile on?
2006-12-23 19:22:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋