If you knew someone who was having an affair, would you tell?

Question

I have a friend who is dating a married man. i feel really bad that the wife has no clue. would it be totally wrong to somehow let her know if it was annonymous? (via letter for ex.)

did i mention that the wife is prego?

my friend knows how I and the rest of our friends feel, we tell her and fight about it all the time. Oh, and we ALL know the wife.....

okay..let me say this...my friend and i had a big falling out a couple years ago over, you guessed it, a man. I have since forgiven her, but we are not as close as we used to be. When I tell her how wrong this is and what she is doing to this family, shes says she knows that it is wrong, but she doesn't care. That is her answer for everything. I do not 'know' the wife, we are all in the same 'circle' one way or another. I just feel that the wife should be able to decide whether or not she wants to be a part of the mess. -And i know someone who works with the wife, and she said the wife speaks very highly of her husband....

Answer 1

How about confronting your friend? I hope your friend understands that if this man is willing to cheat on his wife, I'm sure he would have no problem cheating on her. Both her and her married boyfriend are at fault in this situation. I feel bad for the married woman too. Although cheating is NEVER the answer, you do not know what the married couple's relationship is like behind closed doors. The woman being cheated on could very well be cheating herself.

I would not tell the wife. But I would confront your friend for her own sake. There are too many diseased today to be in such a relationship.

Answer 2

I'm not sure what the right answer would be but I can tell you this.My ex wife cheated on me for about a year and a half without me knowing about it.We went out with friends that knew about it from the start many times and no one ever said anything to me about it.I sat through many hours of outings or conversations with these people and I was the only one that didn't know.After the divorce some of them told me they wanted to say something but didn't want to hurt me because we were all such good friends.I was more hurt by them not telling me and hiding such a terrible secret.Its been six years now and I still have bad feelings toward these so called friends that didn't want to tell me or to get involved.I wish that someone would have given me a hint or told me something.I was made out to be a fool in front of all these people and no one had enough respect to tell me.You should at least give them a hint or try to point them in the right direction so they can find out on there own.

Answer 3

Personally, I don't think you should tell the wife. You may be causing more harm than good by meddling in the family's affairs. You have absolutely no idea what the consequenses of your inteference will be.

If you simply want to tell the wife out of a moral obligation to "do the right thing" then I would suggest you confront the friend and not the wife. Then, if the immorality of the situation bothers you that much, it's best to drop the friend than it is to meddle.

If your friendship is more important than correcting the immorality of the situation, you should stay out of it and avoid a potentially devastating chain-of-events to the family.

Answer 4

Well this is some nice friend you have she has no morals at all not someone I'd like as a friend the husband is a rat the wife's pregnant and you know her is she a friend or only a acquaintance does she know that if he is cheating on his wife he will have no qualms about cheating on her if someone else catches his eye I'd get right away from the lot of them. bad news. god help the little baby that's going to be born into this mess.

Answer 5

I have the same experience - a friend who had an affair and I couldn't tell his wife because we are all friends.

I wouldn't want to be meddling in someone's business even though I feel bad for her. If the wife found out but then they some how work things out; there will be some resentment toward you.

Answer 6

Are you friends with the man's wife or something? It's best to stay out of it. Why would you want to put yourself even more in the middle of the storm. You should confront your friend, and tell her that you don't condone it. But you should NOT betray her trust in you. You shouldn't have to keep secrets, but you shouldn't rat out your friend, especially if you don't even have any other reason to know the wife, or the guy. Stay away from the other couple. Karma will take care of the guy she's dating.

Answer 7

I agree that you should confront the friend about the matter, not the wife. Think about the potential consequences of your actions. These things have a way of coming to light eventually, and chances are the wife will find out. You do not need to interfere; doing so could bring disastrous results.

Answer 8

This is a tricky situation. If your friend finds out you ratted her out, well kiss that friend goodbye. On the other hand, I do feel sorry for the pregant wife. I guess you need to ask yourself if your friendship really that important to you, or doing what is right.
Good luck making the decision. If I were you if you decide to mail the letter, do it from an out of town mailbox so you are not the first suspect.

Answer 9

If you love and care to your friend, you will tell the wife. It is the kids and a husband and wife relationship will suffer in the end, not your friend. Advice your friend and save a family.

If you don't love and care nothing at all. Mind your own business.

Answer 10

Stay out of it, sometimes the wife actually knows. I would just pray about it regardless for your friend though. It is some reason why she feels that she has the need to do such a thing that is destructive to herself and someone elses family. Yet if you feel obligated to do it only do it anonymous and pray for her and her family that is really a hard situation to deal with.