my fiance has a step son almost 1 year.. i have no problem with taking care of him and all, he was adpoted btw.. i love my fiance and his step son. my problem is, i know how much my fiance loves his son, he is the world to him. I have problems with accepting his son, sure hes cute and i can take care of him and watch him grow up. Theres something in me thinking, i dont even know his child, and i love him cause of my fiance, not because hes going to be my son also. my fiance adpoted him before i knew him.
Did anyone go through something like that, how do i over come it?
2006-12-23 15:24:31 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First you start out saying how much you love this man's son. Then in the end you ask, How do I overcome this?
Seems you have a lot of work to do, before you take anymore steps into this relationship. It is a big step raising a child, much less someone else's.
Think hard and long if your not ready, your just not ready. You will also have to deal with the mother.
2006-12-23 15:30:37 · answer #1 · answered by Eeyore 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in two long-term relationships with single mothers that didn't work out.I am now involved with a fine lady that has no children.That little bit of information might give you something to think about.But don't let my misfortune steer you away from what might be an otherwise fulfilling relationship. You need to ask yourself if YOU'RE ready to take on a "ready-made" family. It's not for everybody,but the experience can be the reward of a lifetime.Just make sure that YOU are prepared and equipped to step into a role that requires maturity and patience.If you don't feel ready for this then you will be doing them (and yourself) a disservice by stepping up to this duty.And it is indeed a duty! There is nothing convenient about being a single parent,or the child of a single provider.When you step into the lives of these people you WILL have to make sacrifices,regardless of what the parent tells you! Take a good long hard look at yourself.....are you ready for this man? Are you ready for this child? If you can walk peacefully into THAT household then you may have found heaven here on earth. God bless all of you!
2016-05-23 03:07:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you really need to spend some one on one time with this little boy. It is amazing that your fiance is willing to take on a child that is not even his, people have enough trouble excepting their own these days. You have to realize that there must be something special about this boy if your fiance can love him so much. It's probably the fact that he is not your own, that you feel awkward, but you defiantly need to spend sometime with this little boy or before you know it you will be married and not even know your own son. I understand that you love him because of your fiance, but you can not rest on that for his and your sake. It is not right nor fair to either of you. Maybe you should sit down with you fiance and ask him some questions about your son to be son and if you don't feel comfortable doing that then ask to take him out for the day. Honestly if you can't except this child then there is always going to be a problem in your relationship so it's better off that you fix it now before it becomes to serious. i hope i helped and best of luck to you and on your marriage.
2006-12-23 15:32:38 · answer #3 · answered by Chrystal S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all because the kid is adopted you can try to make up your mind that you dont mind having an adopted child, because there is no way he will love the child like it would be his own, which if it would be his own child you would have a hard time living with it for the rest of your life with your fiance, now an adopted child is always hard to show him/her love, spacialy whan you have your own kids, but every good act pays back & whenever there is a problem try to think what would you do if you adopted him together with your fiance, but if you feel that this is going to be very hard for you, have a talk with your fiance about it, put your feelings down on the table for him, & if he loves you he will find a way to work this situation out, good luck & should god be with you,
2006-12-23 15:46:09 · answer #4 · answered by M.J. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day at a time. It's like getting a puppy... you don't know what kind of dog it is going to be but you care for it and then little by little you will notice that that puppy has a personality and some days it will be wonderful... other days just so so. But in about 3 more years you will not know how you ever could imagine life without them. ...both.
You will worry far more than you could imagine that this child to youth to adult will be safe from all harm. Allow it to grow without alarm or reservation. once you touch someone... forever you impact each other's lives... with a smile or a cut. Perhaps you will go for the smile.
2006-12-23 15:34:03 · answer #5 · answered by nanbeloved 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one thing he is not "step-son" if he was adopted by your fiance, he's his son. You do not have to love this child but you will need to be respectful to your fiance and treat this boy as a member of the family. You'll probably become more attached than you think.
2006-12-23 15:33:58 · answer #6 · answered by randye009 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I has a step baby in my life too. I became his second mom. Unfortunately his mom decided to move to another state and get married. I have also left my husband so the chances of ever seeing the baby that I love dearly are pretty darn thin. It is not hard to love a child that isn't yours. Especially when they are brought into your life so little. I would think that it would be even easier because technically, that baby isn't even his blood, yet even he loves him. But if you're having problems accepting this baby, then you're going to have big problems in your marriage. You might want to really think about what you're getting into.
2006-12-23 15:32:21 · answer #7 · answered by mich 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop think that the son has more love then you do. If you love your fiance, just deal with it. How could you be so rude and heartless, I think there is probably enough love for both you and his son to go around.
2006-12-23 15:42:11 · answer #8 · answered by amazon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not the same situation, but even as a parent, you fall in love with your child gradually, on a deeper and deeper level. I mean, I loved my kids fiercely when they were born, but I didn't know them & they kind of felt like strangers to me. I have often thought that birth parents do some "falling in love" with their child over time. Maybe that is what you need, time. Best of luck to you.
2006-12-23 15:29:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but I do understand the emotional situation you are trying
to get adjusted to...
Time will take care of things..
You will either grow to love the child or you will not...
My guess, is that you will...
2006-12-23 15:28:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋