this concerns a RECENTLY divorced couple: the kids live with their mom who now has a new live-in boyfriend (in less than a year); when this mom meets up with her ex-husband to drop off the kids(a now 4-hour drive), she brings her boyfriend (who just sits in the car). Is there anything wrong with that; is that disrespectful to the ex-husband who has been taking the divorce pretty hard? (f.y.i.: this wasn't a messy divorce; just a mutual break-up)
2006-12-23 14:41:26 · 46 answers · asked by E 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why not? I mean I don't agree with it...but some people change mates like they change their underwear...and it means nothing to them. I knew a couple did the same thing. I thought it was disgusting how quickly she put on a new guy...I mean within a few months. She had obviously been seeing him while married.
But hey, right or wrong it's their business. You know how you feel about it, but you expect others to have the same standards that you do. Believe me it can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes watching what some people do but you can't do much about it.
Commitment means nothing to some people...it's all about gratification for the moment and some parents couldn't care less what impact it has on the children...it was never about them...they're just a bi-product and things to be shared and caught in the crossfire...so just learn from the stupid examples and mistakes parents like that make and vow not to do them yourself! :~)
2006-12-23 14:44:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
From personal experience. NO! If the divorce is recent or the relationship is new, the kids do not need to see the animosity that will flare up. It doesn't matter what your life style is, Poly, Open, Monogamous you are talking about not only the end of a special relationship, but the intrusion of someone else into your children's lives as a substitute parent.
I feel that the parents have to make sure that the relationship they are in is long term and stable before you do something like this. Then you have to let the other parent know ahead of time so it is not a shock and talk it over. If this can be done and the kids don't see any hostility or anger, they will feel more secure and everyone, especially the kids will be better off.
2006-12-23 14:48:22 · answer #2 · answered by mikevisalia 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, its not disrespectful at all. The boyfriend is a part of the mom's life, and therefore a default part of the kids lives too. The dad in this case needs to realize that his marriage is over, she has moved on and so should he. If the dad has a problem with it, then I think this was a less than mutual breakup as you have suggested. The longer the drive, the more reason the boyfriend has to be there, maybe he can drive on the way back.
2006-12-23 14:46:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't think it is disrespectful. If the divorce was mutual, then there is no reason to be offended. Besides, it's a long drive. This is a nice chance for them to spend time just chatting on the way home. Maybe you should meet him since he is a big part of the kids lives now. My brother, his ex wife and their new spouses are all friends. It makes is easier on the kids and the rest of the family. We all spend holidays together -- including my brother's ex wife's new husbands ex wife! The modern extended family. We have a blast.
2006-12-23 14:47:22 · answer #4 · answered by lynn c 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it would be disrespectful if the boyfriend was acting out or giving the ex a hard time, but it being a four hour drive and he sits in the car not. If this was a mulual break-u[ then why is the ex having a hardtime. Try working together to help the kids.
2006-12-23 15:36:17 · answer #5 · answered by cheoli 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is 'NOTHING' wrong with her to bring her boyfriend along, and 'no' it is not being disrespectful toward her X.
If the devorce was a mutual thing then I don't understand why
the X is taking things so hard, unless it's because his kids are so far away from him.
But that should have nothing to do with the topic of 'who' travels with his X-wife.
The x-wife and her boyfriend are a couple now, and her boyfriend
may not like the idea of her having to drive a 4hr drive by herself.
I'd do the same thing too.
I think the real issue here is (with the X-husband) that he is jealous of his X's boyfriend, and probably resents him.
2006-12-23 16:31:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
its a long drive for her, she has a live in boyfriend now and they are divorced, I would say its alright for her to bring him. I mean, you yourself say it was a mutual breakup and she has obviously moved on so, I dont see the problem with it. Dont get me wrong I can see where this would be awkward for the ex husband but, like you said the boyfriend just sits in the car so, its not like he's there causing trouble and since it is such a drive im sure she does it more so that she has company on the way back home.
2006-12-23 15:15:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If the ex-husband has been taking the break-up hard and she knows it, I think it's disrespecful for his feelings in this case; that, and the boyfriend is a live-in. The kids are living in a house with a couple living together outside of marriage. Sorry, but this sounds like a circus. The boyfriend needs to stay home, and this ex-wife needs to make some decisions about her life. I believe that this kind of behavior will ultimately have a negative impact on the children.
2006-12-23 14:56:32 · answer #8 · answered by McKinde 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
There's nothing wrong with that. Plus, that's an 8-hour round trip. She needs someone to help her drive or simply keep her company. At least the new boyfriend stays in the car and doesn't walk up to the door and everything, making it even more weird. Again, it's not right down the street. I say her safety is more important than the ex-husband's broken heart at this point.
2006-12-23 14:45:21 · answer #9 · answered by gabound75 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
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2016-04-26 03:46:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋