Have you ever noticed this about love?

Question

So you fall in love with someone...
In the beginning, you can name certain characteristics to your friends about why you love them, (i.e. they are honest, smart, witty, pretty, sharp, ambitious...etc)... But once you're in the relationship pretty deep, like say after a few years or are approaching marriage, you find that you can't name those things anymore...
And yet you still love that person... Is this because those things are no longer attractive? Or is it just because after so many things you two have been through, all those points that brought you together become useless?

Please apply this to your own relationships and give me some suggestions for why this happens? Thanks!

Answer 1

Well, this happens because in the begining you notice things that you love but after a while you begin to love everything about them not just one thing. Since you guys are together for so long he fits you perfectly and you fit him.. thats one reason why you are feeling this way.. Another is that if you see him everyday then u just get use to his personality and everything about him that its hard to still find the same things you used to love.. i hope i help darlin

Answer 2

Hello. The reason why you can list all of these "characteristics" off is b/c everyone looks at each new person their dating as a potential prospect for...say, marriage. So, by listing the person's characteristics to your friends and family members...you are basically seeking their approval of this new person that you think might become an important fixture in your life.

When you are dating a new person, it's basically like trying to get a new job. You are trying to land a potential new mate that is compatible to you. Their characteristics are a type of resume` for you, friends and family members to see if this person is a right "fit" for you.

The reason why you cannot name those same characteristics years down the road, eventhough they may still be there, is because you think that you don't need to anymore. "You have already landed the job".

What most people don't know is that you should remember those characteristics that you so proudly listed before, so you won't take your partner for granted.

Another reason that you may not be able to "list" those same characteristics years later is because your partner does not possess these characteristics anymore. They are probably taking you for granted and he/she has also landed "the job", so they feel that they don't need to try anymore.

Be realistic and when someone's characteristics in the beginning, ask yourself...are you trying to convince friends and family that this person is the one or yourself?

And realize that people do change down the line, so don't weigh so heavily on those characteristics either. You are setting yourself up for failure otherwise. Part of the beauty of being in a long-term relationship is being able to grow and change with someone who loves you unconditionally and accepting to the fact that you will change in the future.

Assess your partner again and they just might still have those same qualities that you fell in love with in the beginning and you just don't see them.

If you do the assessment and feel that you guys have "grown apart" then it might just be time to let go.

But, take your time and reevaluate your relationship. It may be alot better off than you realize.

Answer 3

Everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning, showing all of their good qualities, sooner or later you settle into the honest person that you are and those best behavior issues can go away adn the true perosn comes out. Sometimes, we are blinded about not being by ourselfs and look for only the good. Either way thing about the pros and cons of a relationship. If there are more pros then cons keep moving. If the cons outweight the pros, rethink the relationship.

Answer 4

your with a b/f for a long time,and you get to know him as a person.i find new things out everyday about my b/f ,,good and bad.i love my b/f.i wouldn't change anything about him.we've been together for 6 years.we talk about when we first started dating,,and we laugh..i love him more today than i did after i fell in love with him.attraction is still there and going very strong.I'm 39 and he's in his mid 50's.relationships are what both b/f and g/f makes of it.you always take the good / bad ,,,in any relationship.
if 2 people were meant to be together ,it will work out til the end.
communication is my #1 key in my relationship .we all have our faults in life,but that's when we all learn from our mistakes and others.
we give each other space.,we go out once about every 6/7 weeks with our friends,,,he goes 1 way and i go another,it all works.

Answer 5

Funny, I'm an EX-Christian, but not an Atheist... Yes I can be blasphemous at times but I can assure you it's not that some "evil spirit" is driving me to say those things. I do so of my own accord. You could say being a Christian for over 20 years left a bad taste in my mouth for any from of monotheism, not to mention some very bad experiences I've had with Muslims in my life.

Answer 6

Those things are no doubt still attractive; however, the initial romantic excitement has worn off. You still love that person for who he or she is, and possibly for some of those same things if they have not changed. I believe, if you still feel love after a number of years, it's the difference between initial romantic passion and love that has grown to a deeper level.

Answer 7

It takes nine months to make a baby, so it should at least 9 months to fall in love. There are five stages: Lust, Discovery, sharing, Commitment and Status Quo. Welcome to the Status Quo. But don'r forget to do the things that got you this far. Otherwise it would get boring and you could fall out of love.

Answer 8

When you like someone, you tend to put them up on a pedastal. You 'think' they are so much better than they actually are. The longer you are with someone, the more you begin to become aware of their flaws or imperfections.

Answer 9

I still love all of those characterisitics I found appealing in my spouse. Though they can be a little much from time to time. He still has most of those qualities that I fell in love with.

Answer 10

I think it is called life, when you start dating it is new and exciting, when we start hanging with the person 24/7,, we start to see the real them,

but your feelings are always your feelings