I wrote it reflecting upon a broken friendship. Good critisim is asked but keep in mind that I'm 13.
It started as a drop,
Landing with a plop,
On a rock, outside my window
But with the tone of a clock,
more rain fell on the rock.
And the wet it shone,
on the surface of the stone
led the rain softly creeping
of the drops on the rock deeping.
From there they started to ecetch,
on stone they began to scetch.
But the rock holds together,
as its body starts to dissever.
But as the rock lay eroding,
the surface starts unfolding.
Like a dart,
had blown the rock apart.
The killer left no token,
on why the rock's been broken.
But no tears been shed,
can rescue the once dead
Like the dents on the rock,
never peeling,
Like the wounds in my heart.
never healing.
2006-12-23 13:59:23 · 7 answers · asked by The Animal Psychiatrist♬♪ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
wow! that was really good. i write poems sometimes too and usually its hard to get the reader to actually feel the mood of the poem. and this really made me feel pain as if it happened to me and that was just really good. u should think about entering some in a contest for publishing i did that when i was ur age and mine was put in a book
2006-12-23 14:05:59 · answer #1 · answered by Miss Cosha loves Nick Jonas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was a very beautiful poem. It actually explains a little what's going on in my life. You have been recently hurt haven't you? I"m 22 years old, and the poem you wrote really describes some of the obstacles that you will have to endure for life.
Great Job!!!
2006-12-23 22:03:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow i wasn't honestly expecting that. I wrote poems and i had one published in a college book in milwaukee here. you should seriously think about writing more. Take writing classes in high school you won't regret it. believe me i would know. Im taking creative writing. You should so try it. i think u'd be good. Good luck girlfriend
2006-12-23 22:28:11 · answer #3 · answered by Skye 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have an addition.after like a dart its like this
Like a dart,
when I fart
had blown the rock apart
another addition bellow after like the wounds in my heart
Like the wounds in my heart
everytime i fart
it hurts,its not appealing,and the smell its like
never healing
2006-12-23 22:10:33 · answer #4 · answered by Lionel M 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's kind of deep for a 13 year old but I like it.
2006-12-23 22:04:30 · answer #5 · answered by Johnny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. Very impressive!!!
2006-12-23 22:58:51 · answer #6 · answered by animegirl160 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pritty good
2006-12-23 22:01:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋