sex less marrage?

Question

married 15 years wife will not have sex ,I don't care to cheat but is sex 8 times a year on avg. normal. Perhaps 8 times is asking too much.

Answer 1

oh, you poor gentleman...no, sex 8 times a year is not acceptable. But you got to keep the romance ongoing. 15 years, you surely have something to save. Cheating will only push her further away...try taking her for a weekend somewhere, just the two of you. Maybe she has work, family, kids...church...whatever on her mind, but she has to be reminded of the love you share and you need to keep the fire burning...

Answer 2

NO , it is not typically normal.
Are there health issues ?
Is the romance gone ? 15 years is a long time in this day in age.
Are there other stresses on the marriage -- money, children, etc.
Is she staying out late with the "girls", or spending long hours "at work".

Some of these are uncomfortable questions but all should be considered.

Given you placed this question on a public forum, there is a real problem.

Let her know you feel uncomfortable about the situation, and would like to together seek counseling.

You don't want the 16, 17, 18th, . . . year to deteriorate further.
Find out the issue now -- see if they can be resolved.
One wants to see light at the end of the tunnel, not darkness.

Good luck.

Answer 3

And I thought I had it bad...I thought twice a week would improve but after 1yr of marriage twice a month was lucky? When asked he said he was worried about it that ED could be the problem ... but I looked up ED and that is not it. and he does not know why. well if he doesn't know then who to heck does? What can we do??? That is hard to answer . like you I don't cheat there has to be more than sex. I am headed for year 5 and wondering how long it will be before sex is like a gift for your b-day ,Christmas , anniversary,etc. I will keep and eye on your question to see if there is any real advise...Counseling for me is ------- what is the councelor going to do. councelor only knows what you tell him and some people aren't truly honest.

Answer 4

Normal is different for everyone. Maybe your wife has a health issue. Encourage her to see a doctor for any underlying health issues. Have you had any other unresolved problems? Money worries or is she depressed? Does she work all the time and is tired, also could ber a sign of depression. She needs to see a doctor to first rule out any health conditions. Maybe you both could seek marriage counseling. Cheating is never an answer, it is better to resolve the marriage and then move on, if you are really unhappy.

Answer 5

I have a friend who feels the same way-- because her husband NEVER satisfied her in bed, and never paid any attention to anything except his own satisfaction. Sex is uncomfortable and unpleasant for her, so her husband pretty much doesn't get any he doesn't do all by himself. Could that be the situation with your wife??? And more importantly, are you talking to HER about this? (It doesn't help to talk to us unless you want to have sex with us...) See if you can find out why she doesn't want to have sex with you. Try offering her a night where you focus on satisfying her. Be sure she is satisfied before you even get to the bedroom, too-- help with the kids, the housework, the dishes and laundry, etc, for a week in advance so she isn't dragging her poor tired body to bed and just praying you will leave her alone. I'm guessing we are older than you and your wife, and my man still knows how to make it happen, in and out of the bedroom. I find it sexy when he helps cook dinner, helps with the dishes, and has a warm towel waiting for me when I get out of the shower. Puts me in the mood!!! And then he takes his time making it happen, which makes me want to be more generous to him. Good Luck!!

Answer 6

No! Eight times a year is not normal. Normal sex for me and my wife is at least once a week and some times 2 or 3 times a week
You need to talk to your wife and explain that you need sex more often and is she going to help you or do you find someone else to fill in the empty places that she causes.

Answer 7

My husband often whinges at me because he never gets enough! I think you really have to make the effort to do things together remind her of why you got married. I think sex for women a lot of the time is sociological have to feel loved and desired before we are in the mood .. My husband is in the mood at any time!

Answer 8

By asking this question in Garden & Landscape I was wondering if you wanted to know if Gardening will improve your situation. Eight times is not enough but if you work in the yard, you might be in a position to sow something to improve those numbers.

Answer 9

Normal means different things to different people. Maybe if you get out of your normal she will too. You might be boring her into celibacy. But if you want a reason to play around, you already have your answer. Otherwise use your imagination and she might too?

Answer 10

Have you talked to her about it? Find out why she is not into sex. If she breaks into tears (a tried and true female trick) just wait until she's done and keep asking. If you get no answers in a reasonable amount of time it's time to cut your losses.