my boyfriend and i have been going out for 9 months... and he says he want to try and have a baby.... but he says he doesnt want to get married for another year or so....i'm ready to have a baby... but i am afraid of how things will go if i have a baby now and not get married...what do i do???
2006-12-23 12:40:48 · 28 answers · asked by Mrs.530 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
9 months is not a lot of time to determine what kind of father he'll be- and that has to be your number one consideration- what kind of father do you want for your children. It sounds like he's got some romantic notion of fatherhood- it's time to wake him up!
Tell him first that you two should babysit a friend's kid or volunteer in a preschool to see how well he does with the children. You can have the babies after he makes the commitment to support you and your offspring (and not until you are ready, by the way).
Also, make sure he's not trying to bind you to him because he's worried you won't make it as a couple on your own (it wouldn't be the first time babies were made to keep a couple together).
2006-12-23 13:05:49 · answer #1 · answered by Twin momma as of 11/11 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would get married first, or at least get engaged before you start making any baby plans, so you will be in a more serious relationship. That way there might be a more likely chance that you two will stay together after the baby is born. A baby is a HUGE adjustment to a relationship, and its a forever thing. You cant just try it out and see how it works for you guys, and if it doesnt you cant just make it disapear. If he leaves you when the baby is born or after, or while you are pregnant becuase he cant take the stress, you will be a single mom, and that is a lot harder to deal with. How is your money situation? Do you have good insurance? A home? A reliable car? A baby is a blessing, but is also very very expensive blessing. A baby will have to come first with everything.
I am not trying to be rude, or scare you, but I just want you to really think this through. Becuase bringing a brand new person into the world is a HUGE responsibility dear. I would really give this some thought before making any desisions. I would have a heart to heart with your boyfriend about everything...Money...Stress...Will he help out when the baby comes...Just really talk it through.
You know your relationship better than any outsider that will answer on here though. I would go with your gut feeling.
Good luck!
P.s. Make sure that the reason he wants to get you pregnant is NOT that he doesnt want/or doesnt want to deal with/ or is too lazy to use condoms any more. I know its a wierd thing to think, but it happend to one of my friends. SOme guys are just like that.
2006-12-23 15:40:34 · answer #2 · answered by cleverness_444 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do YOU want? WHY do you want a baby? Why do you want a baby RIGHT NOW? How old are you? (Meaning if you're 40 there might be a good reason to have one soon - if you're 20 there is no hurry.)
Just as many people are in love with the idea of getting married instead of actually BEING married, many are in love with the idea of HAVING a baby without a realistic idea of what it is like to actually do that. If you know someone who has a new baby or even an older baby maybe they'll let you come for an extended visit. I suspect you haven't really thought about how much your life will change.
And there are many discussions you should have before you have a child with any man. Once you have a baby you have a permanent commitment whether you like it or not. What if he believes in heavy-handed discipline and you don't? Or you want them to be your religion and he wants them to be his? Or one of you wants to spoil children and the other wants them to earn their own way in life. Pick up a good book of questions to ask each other and resolve these before you bring a baby into the relationship.
Bottom line though: always make decisions based on what is best for the child(ren) and you'll be a good Mom whether you decide to have a baby now or much later, with him or with someone else.
2006-12-23 14:11:56 · answer #3 · answered by flyingrosetb 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well the answer is really up to you.. but why would you want to get pregnant with his child.. and in the end have him leave you for some other women. Ofcourse just because your not married really shouldn't have anything to do with it. Even if you were married there is always a chance you or him could get a divorce or move on with your lives. Are you really ready to have a child? Does it matter that your not married? are you sure you love him with all your heart and want to be with him? Does he feel the same way? Having a baby has many advantages and disadvantages... a baby can strain a relationship and hurt everything in the process. If you are really truly ready to have a child then do it... if you have doubts or concerns talk them out and see what you come up with... you have plenty of time to have children.. no one says you have to rush... take your time and weight all the facts before you decide to have a child.
2006-12-23 12:45:19 · answer #4 · answered by sleepyincarolina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's willing to have a forever commitment with you because after all a child is forever.
He wont marry you because he's not sure if you're the one.
Don't get pregnant, babies put a big strain on any relationship and lack of sleep, money and sex can cause break ups and do quite a lot.
If you both did split up you will be a single parent and he will just move on to the next.
9 months is way too early to make a big decision like this, you may feel you know him inside out but in reality 9 months isn't long enough to know someone well.
Don't do it wait until you're married
2006-12-23 12:46:27 · answer #5 · answered by madamspud 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't base your choice on whether people on Yahoo tell you to have or not have a baby. People who believe you should be married first, will tell you to wait. Others don't care if a child is born out of wedlock. Base your decision on whether you feel comfortable with that choice....if you're ready to have a baby (financially, emotionally, etc), and you have faith that your boyfriend will be a good father FOREVER (regardless of whether you end up married or not), then go for it.
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We have a 19-month-old son and I'm due with a daughter in February. It is ME that doesn't want to get married...I just don't want to for my own personal reasons and I really don't care what people think of that. It doesn't make me a bad mother, and it doesn't make my boyfriend a bad father because we aren't legally married. Marriage doesn't make having children right, just like having a child doesn't make a marriage right.
2006-12-23 13:06:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truthfully think people should get married, and have a little "married time" before adding children. Once you have a child everything goes from you and boyfriend/husband to baby! Baby is #1 all the time, and although it is great...it is still 100% baby first. No more getting to go out anytime you please, no more late nights out on the town. It has its rewards though, dont get me wrong. It is wonderful...but i am glad i had some time to be with just hubby after we got married before we added children. Its also nice to live together to make sure you guys can even stand each other before adding a child! Good luck to you in whatever you decide and merry christmas!
2006-12-23 12:51:44 · answer #7 · answered by misty n justin 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do not become a man's baby's mother - if he feels that you are good enough to become his baby's mother, then you should be good enough to become his wife! - Also, if you have a daughter - you need to set an example for her - how would you feel if your daughter came telling you the same thing? I doubt that you would be happy or really believe that this man is taking her seriously or just that he wants to be able to be tied to her for life but without the committment. Remember, you are the one which will have to stay for nine months home, therefore, you will not have the same freedom, men will always have the freedom to get up and go., but yet if he knows that you are married, then he cannot just get up and go that easily.
2006-12-23 13:15:48 · answer #8 · answered by Snowwhite 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well i did the same thing, we have gone out for 5 years and decided to have a baby and wait on marrage. I think if you are worried about him leaving you or something like that then why have a baby? You have to build trust first...Good Luck
2006-12-23 12:45:36 · answer #9 · answered by connie45331 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not do it. My grandma once told me that if a guy cannot commit to a marriage how is he supposed to make a commitment to a baby. This is a life-altering decision and not one that should be taken lightly. Think about this--I love you and want to have a child with you, but I dont love or respect you enough to be married. In some sense that is what he is saying. Wait!
2006-12-23 12:58:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋