Married for more than 10 years he cheated & admitted but not thinking of stop his relationship with the girls which is 10 years younger than me. His choice: take it or Split ! Spend his nights with her 3-4 days in a week. What can I do. I do not want divorce. He tried to squeeze what little time he have now with our kids. Till now our kids do not know what is happening between mommy & daddy. I still love him & want my kids to grow up as in the whole family. He & me know that his future with his girlfriend won't be forever but he said he choose to be with her as much time possible because he love her. He doesn't want to talk to me anymore. He won't touch me in bed. What he do now just to show our parents, kids, fmaily & friend that we are still a family. Asked me to mind my own business & let him do what he want or else if I can't take it, I can divorce him. I trying to take it but for how long? He have been a good husband & father but the sudden change of heart is really scary.
2006-12-23 12:32:35 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
With the choice he gave you, he must know you pretty well. I think he trained you very well to be a world class "RUG"! He thinks he can walk all over you and you can't do anything about it because you are spineless. I would do the last thing he would expect. Get a great lawyer and make-him-pay! Not just a little either. Be that women he has never seen! Who knows, maybe this is the kind of women he is going after now? Someone who won't be taken for granted. Just let me ask you this. What lesson do you want your kids to learn here? That women every where must be degraded, and accept their lot in life? Or that you MUST show women respect or pay!
2006-12-23 12:50:26 · answer #1 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you don't want a divorce, you could probably just separate for the time being. Tell him he she wants nothing more than a sugar daddy from him and you can't stop him from staying with her but you may not be there when he's ready to come back.
Maybe once she has to stay with him full time she'll dump him!!
Take time to enjoy your life and imagine how good it could be without him. Hope things work out the way you want. My husband did leave and was with another woman for a short time but he came back because he missed and loved me. He deeply regrets what happened and spends every day showing me how he's sorry. My husband was having a midlife crisis and realizes now that that was what was going on. Your man has to eventually cut off all ties with her and sincerely make your marriage work. Good luck with it. I know it's hard during the holidays.
2006-12-23 12:42:32 · answer #2 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you stay this will not be the last time he does this. Stop being a doormat. Do you have a daughter? Is this how you want her to think a woman lives?? Do you have a son? Do you want him to think that is how a man treats his wife?? If you think the kids don't know something is going on, you're way out of touch. I know it's scary to go out on your own but, you can't allow this to go on. He's only treating you this badly because you are letting him. Get a backbone and do what needs to be done. Get a lawyer and protect yourself and your children!!! Also, tell the family what is going on so that you have a support base. Now grow some ovaries and get going. You owe it to your children as well as yourself. Good luck.
2006-12-23 13:02:26 · answer #3 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to divorce him. And staying married just as show won't really work either. People will be able to see the difference, and see that you don't really love each other. Your kids will definitely know something is going on. Plus, you don't want to put yourself through this, i can't imagine you are happy with this situation. I think you should get a divorce and find a real man.
2006-12-23 13:12:40 · answer #4 · answered by Stark 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all...here is a ((((hug)))) I am sure you must be hurting alot and going through a lot now alone esp if family and friends do not know what's happening yet.
I wont tell you if you should leave or go as I think this is a very personal decision and one that is not easy to make. I think it is difficult to make a decision now especially if you just know about this. It could take 6 months to get over the shock and make the decision to split or continue to work on saving the marriage.
In the mean time, it helps to find out as much as you can on how to handle the affair and on your legal rights. Do get a consellor who you can talk to and give impartial advise. Here are some resources/articles :
Whether to stay in the marriage after infedility, & how to save the marriage if you decide to stay:
http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2006/10/25/marital-infidelity-are-you-the-constant-object/
http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/newsletter_archive.htm
http://www.dearpeggy.com/affairsmenu.html
Conselling resources in Singapore
http://www.familylife.sg/programmes/counselling.htm
http://app.mcys.gov.sg/web/faml_supfaml_familyservicesctr.asp
Forumns with community to share your experiences with
http://idobaby.com/forum/index.php?s=5d5109b618357d7f4c60171f84c57c94&showforum=33
http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/5/5.html?1167119720
Best of luck.
2006-12-25 19:13:51 · answer #5 · answered by peaceful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, and you're really thinking of settling for so little, hon???? I don't think you really love this guy, you love what he was once, and your image of what he was once, and what is really is now are not the same. I think marriage is: Respect, Admiration, Passion, and Trust. Four biggies, with all sorts of lovely things under each of these, like sharing, and providing a supportive environment in which to raise children, time together, negotiating differences without rage...... But betrayal is the dealbreaker... yours has not only betrayed you, but flaunted in your face.....From your note, here, you have none of those things anymore with this man....... They say the man you marry isn't the same man you divorce, and surely this guy is not who you married....He's pooped in your face with betrayal, and is now telling you take it or leave it????? You asked what I'd do.... I'd see an attorney, get a divorce, get into some counseling to get my head back on straight, and find myself another guy. Life is too short to spend it with a cheating, s.o.b. and you are probably a great lady, and a great mom. You deserve better, hon.
2006-12-23 13:28:58 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you take it? He is showing no respect for you or your children. People will know what he is doing and they will talk. Soon your children will hear it from others. How will the kids feel?
You should have more self-respect than to let him flaunt his "floozy" in front of you and tell you when he will be with her. He has already made his choice-he wants her more than he wants his family.
You need to tell the families exactly what is going on, then find a good divorce lawyer to take everything you can from this cheating slime ball.
2006-12-23 12:43:05 · answer #7 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nicely, that's a enormously unhappy tale with reference on your relationship. somewhat what your question somewhat boils all the way down to is;" Do you have faith him?" What he did once you separated shouldn't come into play, regardless of each thing you have been separated. As to you cheating on your husband, i'm no longer able to blame you for that. under the circumstances i could could say you have been a tremendous spouse. the place there is smoke there is often hearth from what I even have heard over the years, i could say you have a hearth! as quickly as a cheat continuously a cheat. there is an previous saying in our relatives;" If love isn't being served on the dinner table, it somewhat is in basic terms greater useful to excuse your self." i understand this would not help with discomfort, coronary heart discomfort you sense. There would not look lots love there on his section. I wish you good luck and consistent with danger think of roughly that previous saying. by using fact i understand someplace available, there is somebody which will love you for who you're.
2016-10-18 22:31:24 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am usually against divorce unless the spouce is unfaithful to you and that is your case..... You are much better than him and for you to be with him while he is lying to you... your kids,, both your families I would have to say that you should find a lawyer and nail him to the wall. There is no need for him to disrespect you and your kids... He should have never got married and that is not your fault... You guys said your vows and he is not owning up to them so to be up front with you ... You are a better person than he is and like one of the answers that I saw before....YOUR NOT A DOORMAT... Good luck and take care and just be your self as you were before you met him.
2006-12-23 13:24:51 · answer #9 · answered by patrick c 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should divorce him, your kids are not stupid and he is banging a young thing, the kids can see he isnt talking to you, he isnt touching you in bed, that is a very lonely feeling,,,,
it is hard enough living like that you would be better off totally living with out him, you can still be productive parents,
2006-12-23 13:55:37 · answer #10 · answered by rich2481 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋