Should I try and save my Marriage?

Question

My husband and I have 5 children together and just made our 9th anniversary. I'm a housewife and I'm in really good shape as far as physically.

I love my husband so much and I just want us to be happy. I found out he cheated on me about a year and a half ago. This woman called his phone and asked for him and I got it out of her that they slept together and were communicating with each other for about 1 month. He has a hystory with this woman.............she slipped him her number years ago and they were talking but they both said nothing happened then and I believed them. Anyway I confronted my husband about the affair and he denied and got angry for a minute then he broke down and told me the truth. He said he felt guilty about it and it will never happen again.

Recently I checked our computer's history and found out he was looking at pics of naked women on there on and off. I'm so hurt. I asked him about it and he started yelling at me and refused to talk it out.

I love my husband so much but we do argue alot and when he yells at me I cry and it hurts so bad. I want things to work but how can i trust him again? Should I even try to save our marriage? Like i said I'm a housewife and who's gonna want me with 5 children?

I'm crying right now as I type this I'm hurt and depressed please offer your advice.

i also just told him to leave the house because of this and he isn't living here right now. he's a hardworking man that takes care of his family but i don't like him yelling at me.

Answer 1

First off you can't settle just because you think no one would want you with five children. Whether you can work it out or not is up to you. First you have to realize how you feel, and saying you love him isn't enough. You have to hate what he has done and be able to voice your opinions or you will never get past it. I think it easy after you have been married a while and have that many kids, for your 'womanly' assets to fall by the way side. It makes it easy for him to look for what he isn't getting. Some men just do it, others learn from their mistake. but until you learn to love you, it's not going to work.

Answer 2

I did the same thing. If you asked him to leave he would come back. He's the one that feels lost and unwanted beleive it or not. It's a game to runaway from pressure and strain. Eventually people like us grow up.We stop looking externally for fixes and eventually turn inward. 5 kids is a huge responsiblity that he may even feel regret for. It's not the regret that should make you hurt or angry, it's that he can't express it to you and feel safe. It's not your fault either. He needs to move on and deal with what's in front of him.Does he drink? Either way this is all a distraction. Can you guys get some counseling? I know everyone says take time w each other. Well, that's impossible.
You did make it a bit too easy for him to come back. Once a cheater always a cheater unless it's your 100% goal to stay with your family, not just w him. Honest. I ahve been married for 14 yrs. I strayed at 12 years. We seperated for 2. It was torture. We finally came together last year. It was hell and is still very painful ands sometimes I still feel like leaving and my husband is a good guy in nature but a horrible provider. I also have manic depression which doesn't help.So we'll try to work it out.
Talk to someone alone first , get it out of your system.
M

Answer 3

You have a very serious situation on your hands. Your husband is in denial and it is difficult to talk to him about what he is doing. Of course he sees no harm in what he is doing and above all else he wants to keep it private. You have to immediately think of the welfare of your 5 children. They are your primary responsibility. You need to strongly suggest to your husband that he seek professional help and try to do all you can to see that he does it. If he refuses or makes no attempt then you should seriously consider filing for divorce as much as you may be opposed to it. If you do nothing and your husband continues down the road he has chosen he could turn into a pedophile. In other words he might get to the point where he begins abusing your children. You may think this is extreme but you should watch Dateline sometime about these people (mostly men) who they luring young children out for sex. Finally, you say who would want you? Don't think of yourself in such negative terms. Some men would love a built in family. Let me know how things go with you. Maybe I can help in some way.

Answer 4

I would suggest to him that he accompany you to some counseling sessions. And if he will not go, you need to go for yourself. And by attending counseling this will give you are more clear view of what it is you want and need to do. I would not make any harsh decisions. You are angry and very hurt right now and you have all the right in the world to feel this way. You have been betrayed. After you have went through with some counseling sessions things will be a little more clear to you. And if you do decide to leave him, I would not be worried about no one else wanting you, there are plenty of good men in this world that are looking for a good honest women. And being a homemaker is a very difficult job one of the hardest and least appreciated. So stop putting yourself down. You are doing a very important job by raising your children. I wish you the best, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Good luck to you and God bless****

Answer 5

Whether you should try to "save" this marriage or not depends on your financial condition. The priority question is not how the things are between you and your husband, the priority question is where your 5 children are going to live and what are they going to eat if two of you get the divorce. The child support is something that is never guaranteed and, in now days, is mostly not sufficient to raise even one child.
I would strongly suggest to stay together with your husband for the financial purposes for your kids' sake, unless he is a millionaire and can guarantee a solid support until the kids become self-sufficient.

Answer 6

One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner doesn't want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own? Learn here https://bitly.im/aMrFO It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.

Answer 7

People get angry and go on the defensive when they get caught doing something that they shouldn't be doing or are ashamed of having done. Maybe he just likes to look at pics of other women. (I think this is a guy thing) Explain to him that you are not mad because he is looking at them. Has he given you any other reason to distrust him again? If not, let him look. At least it's harmless looking at pics on a computer and he never gonna meet them anyway. try and put some more spark back into your marriage and see what happens. 9 yrs. and 5 kids is worth a try.

Answer 8

First thing you need to do is to look at the pros and cons of being with this man. I personally think that a man that cheats will always cheat and I happen to think I am worth more than that. I understand you have children and that should be your main concern. Dr. Phil sums it us when he says children would rather be from a broken home than to be in a broken home. You may try counselling. But if you are staying with him simply for the security of being with him, you need to see all your options. If you leave, this may mean you have to work outside the home, which will be hard with 5 children. but on the other hand, it may open up many doors for you. One thing for sure, you deserve someone to love you and not be spreading himself around for others and brining home diseases and such. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

If your in love with your husband or not you have 5 children to consider. Every marriage has tough times. Stick it out if you both are willing to work at this marriage. Is your love life with your husband still active? Get the spark back in the relationship. Create some mystery... I'm not an expert and I'm not claiming to be but life is not greener on the other side. Good Luck!

Answer 10

*If* you want to save your marriage, you have to find it in yourself to forgive him. Once that's done, trust becomes a whole other issue. You can't re-learn to trust him (if you want to) unless and until you forgive him.

*If* you're just talking about saving your marriage because you think 'nobody else is gonna want you', girl - that's wrong. You have to do what makes YOU happy.

If that's working it out, work it out. If it's moving on, make a plan to do that. It's what YOU feel comfortable doing and know in your heart that's right for you.

As for as the naked pictures thing, eh. To me, that's not a big deal. It's kind of like looking at recipes because, even tho you like chicken and have it every day, it's fun to see how other people cook it.