My girlfriend broke up with me and i really love her.... Sad thing is that its my best friend who took her from me... I thought i could trust them but then i was failed... Now they are asking forgiveness but i still i have a hard time thinking if ill forgive them.. They really broke my heart.... And im not ready to talk to them nor forgive them... Can time really heal this pain cause im really tired of this .... help me!!! Can i heal even if i wont forgive them???
2006-12-23 11:59:36 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
time can heal but what you also need to do is get a grip of yourself....being serious...I know it sucks. You need to NOT let it bother you at all costs. Keep telling yourself forget them but when you do, do it by disassociating your feelings towards her from you...don't do it out of hate, do it out of encouraging yourself and refusing to let it control you. She's NOT the only fem out there, she's NOT the most beautiful one out there and yes you do care about her but...but....you have to understand that is getting you nowhere right now. You have to move on. She is not for you...have no part of entertaining feelings for her in your thought process. No one likes to be controlled right? Don't let it control you. The best part is, if it finally works for you and you manage to get yourself over her, I've seen it tons of times where she decides she wants him back. Then you have the opportunity to play games with her right back...do it up bro... pull yourself up and take charge of your feelings and emotions. Don't be her little puppy...You are the man...don't let it ruin your confidence...take charge of yourself...be positive...be assertive...keep on the lookout for other chicks...a man is always on the hunt...but let her control you NO MORE!!! Even tho they ask for forgiveness, it still bothers you...let her control you NO MORE! You da man bro! Take responsibility and show you aren't bothered by her anymore. If she sees that you aren't interested in her anymore, believe me, it will make her think
2006-12-23 12:04:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything takes time. I dont know exactly when it happened but if it was recent, like in the last few months, then it is insensitive for them to expect you to forgive them cause then it shows they dont really know the extent of pain they caused you. You can heal if you dont forgive because we are people do not live as forgiving individuals, there are just somethings that cannot be forgiven. However, the only way that you can heal is by not getting tormented by the event. If you dont want to forgive, thats fine, just tell them that you want your space and that you cannot be friends with people who betrayed your trust and move on. You can heal without forgetting or forgiving, the key is to not let it affect your life tremendously. I think in order for u to forgive, u have to stop loving her so that this way what they did wont be too hurtful in your current life. And yes time can definately heal your pain. You just have to live ur life day by day and soon you will realize that there are more important things in your life than getting stressed by them. Good luck!
2006-12-23 12:07:16 · answer #2 · answered by the_dempire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiven is part of the healing process. However you can not force yourself into it. And it happens differently for everyone. You might find that you are feeling better for months even years before you can actually forgive them. You will go on with your life and move on and think you are completely healed then you will wake up one morning and realize that you forgive them...and you will feel even better! It could happen that way. Or you might not feel any better until you can forgive them. But that in itself takes time. Do not let them pressure you into forgiving them. That is not true forgiveness.
Time really does help but there are some things that even time can not heal. I have an ex who was a great guy. We ended on terms that werent great but good enough. It wasnt because of anything either of us did...we were just in different spots in our life and at that point in time we really were not meant to be with eachother and as much as it hurt we both knew it. Its been many years and I have moved on fallen in love with someone else...but I still think of the other guy often. I do not think I would be who I am today had he not been in my life. And a lot of times when I think about him I still cry. It still hurts. I am a different person now. And all in all I am happy in my life. But I am not totally healed from him. And looking at myself part of me hopes I never do. Like I said looking back I do not think I would be who I am had he not touched my life. I do not know if you are a believer but God never sends a person into our lives for no reason. Some of them are meant to be there a long time. Some you are just supposed to learn from and move on.
Someday you will be able to forgive them. Now isnt the time and do not rush it. I know its hard and easier said then done but appreciate that time you had with them-both as your friends and one as your lover. Learn and grow. Some day (and that is on your own time) you will be able smile about what you had not cry about what you are missing. Good luck!
2006-12-23 12:14:43 · answer #3 · answered by foolnomore2games 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eventually, time will heal the pain. That doesn't mean that you'll be friends with either of them. It just means that it won't matter to you as much. They both betrayed your trust and your friendship. While you can't help feeling love toward another person, you can help whether or not you act on it.
Neither of them cared much about how you would feel. Neither of them seems to be worth much effort to forgive them. If I were you, I'd put some distance between yourself and the two of them. You might try avoiding places where you might run into them, which, in itself, would open you up to meeting new friends and, maybe, a new girlfriend.
There is absolutely no reason to "try" to forgive them. Let yourself grieve your two losses, of love and friendship. Get on with your life without them in it, and figure out what's next for yourself. Eventually, you'll know better whether either of them should have a place in your life. Or if they did you a favor by showing their true colors.
2006-12-23 13:01:28 · answer #4 · answered by Biff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing you might want to consider is redefining forgiveness. Now, they are in your thoughts constantly because of this betrayal of trust. In a sense, they are controlling you life because they are making you sad and angry and occupying your thoughts in this way. When you decide you don't like that any more, and that they have no right to be there, then yes, you will forgive them in a new sense of the word. You will not forgive them because they want it nor because they deserve it. But forgiveness will mean that you deserve something better and you have decided to move on without them. You do not have to talk to them or even maintain the friendship if you don't want to in order to give this type of forgiveness. And yes, it is very healing.
2006-12-23 12:11:32 · answer #5 · answered by Latrice T 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yours is a bad deal, showing how badly kids do get beat up in these divorces. But I know what you are talking about. You were probably daddy's little girl or felt like it until this all happened. It's too bad he forgot that he did have a family to raise after he left, it would have made it easier on you if he had. Why he may be bitter towards you is the hard part of your question. You would really have to try a sit down face to face with him to see if he can answer that question for you. There is so much water that goes under the bridge during a divorce, stuff your mom didn't tell you and may not want you to know about. Stuff that she could have said to your dad about you and now he remembers too and that makes him part of what he is. Or sometime when he wanted you to visit and you didn't want to, he may have that too. I just have a hard time with a father leaving his kids behind and then having issues with them. One thing you have to remember, you received one half of the story of what went on and those stories can get a little slanted to make the person feel better or in the hopes of making themselves look better. That is why I say you may have to try a sit down with him. If you want more advice or someone to hear your concerns, drop me a line and I'll get back to you with what I feel will be helpful.
2016-05-23 02:48:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot heal without forgiveness. I do not think you should be friends with either of them, but I think when your ready you should forgive them within yourself so you can move on and have a healthy relationship. Time will heal, and there is someone out there for you.
2006-12-23 12:03:05 · answer #7 · answered by wondering 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is sad and I have to admit I have never experienced this before.
They do say that time is a good healer, but maybe for now you might be best distancing yourself to give yourself time to get your head together. Find some new interests which will bring some new friends into your life. Who knows this time next year you might be thinking that parting was the best thing that could have happened to you. I truely believe things happen for a reason and you just were not meant to be together because there is someone much better waiting for you. It's just that you haven't found them yet.
Try and have a good Christmas and look forward to a much happier new year.
2006-12-23 12:05:42 · answer #8 · answered by lollipoppett2005 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will always be a sore spot, therefore a potential achilles heel. In five years you will forgive, so why not start now. Time will make you understand, and understanding is the core of healing. But if you want to come out of this looking like the hero forgive them. Make them swallow their pride in the shadows of your generosity.
And then move on.
So many people, so little time.
2006-12-23 12:21:52 · answer #9 · answered by Soundjata 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot heal if you don't forgive them. You are indulging yourself in anger, hate, and jealousies. As long as you make your self that weak, you will never be strong enough to heal. You are in charge of your own feelings. If you can't pick your self back up and forgive them, you will never feel secure enough to love again. Come on man! I believe in you!
If you can't hang out with them again, so be it. But, if you can't continue now, you may as well die here. Don't feel bad for yourself and cry, your spirit deserves better, and you should let it fly away with you in joy at overcoming a difficult challenge.
2006-12-23 12:07:27 · answer #10 · answered by Leighton H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋