Do you think kids are mean, fresh, embarrassing etc. because their parents don't know how to raise them?

Question

I have 2 boys, by no means spoiled 8.5 and 13 , that have excellent education and not surrounded by "bad" kids. We are not affluent but were once. My husband and I have been seperated for 2 tumultuous yrs.
We are now getting back together.Their behavior is so bad other parents don't even want them at their house. I am so exhausted and wonder if it's us, their ages or maybe their temperament. They really just aren't normal.They make me insane. All I want to do is cry. The older one has ADD and the younger has a bunch of small stuff. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! We've done and do counseling...I am sooo lost.

Answer 1

No offense, but yes--behavioral problems are the fault of the parents.

Sometimes, kindness becomes spoiling and leads to a sense of entitlement. It's meant well, but an overly-permissive attitude is just as bad as an overly-strict one.

Children with learning disabilities especially need structure and firm parenting. Otherwise they will use their problems as an excuse to get special treatment and to claim they don't know any better.

In your children's case, the upheaval of your separation from your husband has surely affected them. Perhaps now that you have made up, your household will return to normal and they will settle down.

Counseling seems like a wise choice. If you have been seeing your current therapist for a while and the situation hasn't improved, consider switching therapists. Not all professionals are compatible with all families--find a good fit.

Answer 2

It's Human Nature. We all get pushed around when we are little, and that creates insecurity. A feeling of not being safe.
Children don't have the emotional maturity to deal with it.
So they turn to bullying themselves. Or making fun.
This even carries on into adulthood, with constant criticizing. It's all designed to keep people at a distance. To protect ourselves, physically, and emotionally.
If we understood it for what it is. Maybe it would be easier to overcome.

Answer 3

I don't have children, but both of my sisters have children with either learning or behavioral problems. You just have to be patient and set a good, firm example for your kids. I know it's not the best advice, and it's hard to raise kids in this crazy world. But they will eventually grow up to appreciate all the love and support you give them... Good Luck...