I am 17 years old, a junior in high school. In recent years, I have come to discover that I am gay. I didn't choose it by any means. Homosexuality is not a choice. I do not want to live life as a gay man. I cannot come out. I come from a religious family, and I would lose many if not ALL of my friends.
When I think of myself later in life, first I think of the ideal life, which I am almost on my way to accomplishing, a family, and a few kids. I cannot come to terms with the fact that I will never have a family.
I have thought about my decision, and I cannot grow up to be gay if there is something I can do about it. I have nothing against homosexuals, I just cannot live that lifestyle. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and been on and off meds for aboout two years. I think my homosexuality has a lot to do with it.
My question is, is there a way to turn straight? I am not very religious like my family, but I am willing to try anything. I am so confused.
2006-12-23 11:09:16 · 49 answers · asked by wakesetter14 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
In response to one particular answer:
This is NOT a fake question, this is a huge problem in my life
2006-12-23 18:51:59 · update #1
First, by being diagnosed with clinical depression you should be seeing a health care provider regularly and you should be consistent on staying on whichever medications that have been prescribed for you.
Second, just as you acknowledged that you did not choose to be gay you also cannot choose to be straight. Sometimes people think their lives would be better in some way if they were different, but instead of wanting your life to be better by being something that you are not you should learn to love yourself and accept yourself. You are who you are.
When I was your age I felt that I was gay, and I continued to fight the feelings throughout college. When I finally accepted myself for who I was it made me happier than I had ever been before.
Not all religions view homosexuality as wrong; and yes, you may lose some friends, and if you do they were not your friends to begin with. Thirty years from now there is no guarantee that these people would still be your friends, but thirty years from now you will still have to live with yourself and the easiest way to do that without any regrets is to be honest with yourself, and one of those things that you should be honest with yourself about is who you are attracted to.
2006-12-23 13:07:34 · answer #1 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You made this up to get all your Christian fantical friends to post all their propaganda and hate towards gay people. If you truly were gay you would not be asking how to go straight because you would know it was not a choice to "turn straight"
.I commend you for the attention to detail in your fictional question. But there are so many things in your question that give it away as made up: " I have come to discover that I am gay." As a gay person I can tell you that is not something you "discover",it is something that you have always lived with, you would have known it all along
"When I think of myself later in life, first I think of the ideal life" you can't be serious that at age 17 you are thinking about the "ideal life" and thinking about having a family! I remember at age 17 I was thinking about what to do this weekend, what college to go to, what car I wanted to buy, but thinking about the idea life, that came later, like during or after college. Not in High School.. Do high school kids think about the ideal life of the future? Really?
"I have thought about my decision, and I cannot grow up to be gay " There it is you think that you made a decision to be gay. any gay person knows this simply is not possible.At age 17, you aren't thinking that you are grown up already? Sounds like a you are a fiction writer.
"I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and been on and off meds for aboout two years. I think my homosexuality has a lot to do with it." Why do you use the formal word "homosexuality" so many times in your question? I don't know any gay people who use that word , except once in a great while. I do know that Christians use it all the time to put down gay people. You are not religious my ***.
Congratulations all your friends posted their solutions to change you. None of which will work, by the way. Ever try to tell a straight that they could turn gay? Next time I'd like to read about how you are straight and want to turn gay. That would be at least entertaining,.
2006-12-23 17:07:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
A lot of people will tell you, 'yes there are ways to turn straight' and while there are, possibilities, i'm not sure it is the best way to go.
I myself am bi. I prefer women to men most of the time; In fact, I've never slept with a guy, even though once in awhile I'm attracted to one.
I think, even being gay you should be able to sleep with women... only someone asexual cant sleep with a beautyful girl with a vagina... theres nothing like it.
Is repressing your feelings, changing who you are -- because that's what it will come down to -- the best solution? You are young in a world you cannot be understood, that's for sure, so maybe later on in life you might be.
Remember, some people who outrageously hate gays probably don't have the strength somewhere to admit they have a bit of queer inside them. Lots of people will joke about it, but in the end it doesn't matter. What matters is what you feel, what you want. Desires are powerful emotions, both pleasant and a drag sometimes, but repressing them I do not think can be a positive solution.
While I have no doubt one day I'll get with a few guys just for the experience, I also have no doubt I'll get married and have kids... You have NO IDEA the amount of gays who 'turn' straight in their life just so they can have kids and a familly of their own... But they never repress or deny their real feelings...
For people like us my friend we will always have to hide some part of our feelings... that is very sad, but its the truth
2006-12-24 14:15:08 · answer #3 · answered by Standup98 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you can't change your sexuality. You can't. What you have to do is learn how to accept it and accept yourself for what you are. Life just doesn't deal you all the cards you want most of the time. You can still have a very happy, fullfilling life as a gay person. I have no doubt that your depression has a lot to do with your sexual state. If you lost your friends--then those friends were never friends to begin with--you will make more and better friends. I'm 57 I am married to a wonderful man and we have created our own life..we are our own family...and in Canada marriage is now legal..so you could adopt.. Same sex marriages will become legal in the US...maybe just not yet...but american politicians can't keep pretending that the world isn't advancing. It is.
Life never gives you 100%...you have to make the most of what you have...if you can't have a family so be it..there are also many straight people who can';t have children.
You have to get over this depression and get on with and enjoy your life....Please take it from me...I've been there. I've done that.
2006-12-23 12:44:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I know exactly what you are going through. You are right that your depression is linked directly to the suppression of your feelings, I think the first step is to speak with a counseller or psychologist, I know you say you don't wan't to be a "gay man" but I'm not convinced you know what a "gay man" really is, I didn't want to talk with a lisp, have a limp wrist or do all the stereotypical gay things that the TV says we do but after actually meeting some gay people my age I realized that being gay isn't who you are its just a small part of your life like your taste in music or whether you like brussell sprouts and if you don't like brussell sprouts then eating 4 tonnes of them won't change that! (bad analogy: girls = brussell sprouts)
I suppressed my feelings for way too long and in the end nobody really cared that I was gay, I only regret not coming out sooner! Its just not worth the depression and missed opportunities all for the sake of what other people might think and if they don't love you because your gay then they don't really love YOU.
I only hope that you can go with the flow and be who you truly are.
Good luck!
(feel free to email me)
2006-12-26 12:51:02 · answer #5 · answered by luke168a 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's people that are going to tell you yes and people that are going to tell you no. Especially for someone who already has a history of depression, at least know that there's a risk in "conversion therapy" of making that a whole lot worse. I think you'll probably have to figure out on your own that there's no way to really change it. That said, you're almost out of highschool. Whatever you do after graduation, things are not the same as highschool. Make new friends.
For the record, btw, it's completely inaccurate that you can't have a family if you're gay. It might be a bit more difficult in some states than in others, but there's surrogacy, adoption, etc. Are you seeing a licensed talk therapist for the depression? I agree that it's probalby related to your issues with figuring yourself out, and professionals in the field can help you deal with that.
2006-12-23 15:55:16 · answer #6 · answered by Atropis 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are in a very delicate and difficult position as many gay people go through this as I did, heres my advice to you on you and your situation, lets be very clear, you dont have to take my advice but I've been through all the **** that you may go through so maybe you can avoid some of it if you read my answer. so here goes.
At 17 years of age you have many choices to make that will ensure which path you travel down in your life time. If you are sure your gay, then your gay, however you do not have to be a practicing gay person. You may be sure that if you decide that you do not want to be part of the gay bit then dont be. many gay guys have known they were gay but didnt want to be, Most of these people got married and produced families, some relented and went gay later and are classed as Bisexual, some just went the whole hog and broke their families up and became fully gay, and some just stayed on the straight path like me.Which ever path you decide is full of pressures and confusion and its up to you how you handle those pressures, BUT, remember you make the choices nobody else, Please realise that at seventeen you will be confused anyway as to where your lifes pathway is going as all 17yos are, it's the most confusing time of your lifetime. NOW:
When making lifes decisions about yourself do so based on you and your thoughts not what your friends or religious family thinks or would think. Then after making your decision, then you have to think about how these decisions will affect your relationships with your friends. You say you will lose all or many of your friends, why are you making their choices, thats their decision not yours, if they are really friends then you will find out at the time, wont you?
If you cannot grow up to be gay then dont, it's your choice to how you grow up, be non-practicing.
I strongly believe your clinical depression is caused by your sexual preference dilemma plus being 17years of age, it's a terrible decision making time in your life.
So with all I've said above I answer your question with at 17 you may be going through a phrase in your life but I think not ,I think this is serious decision time. but I reitterise make the decisions based on what you want out of life not what others think, ok?
I also think once you have made your decisions and really accept them then your depression will disappear.
Just know if your gay then you are gay and you cant turn st8 just like that, just dont practice the gay act.
Get married if you want and have a family just make sure in your case you know what your gonna do before you do it so then you'll be happy with the outcome and then so will your partner(s)(meaning wife and kids).
I did all this and my kids adore me and me them, but I still know I'm gay. By the way if you havent got a diary then get one and use it, talk to it and make sure its always safely locked away, dont trust your siblings with your diary or anyone else, everybodies curious. I seriously wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-12-23 16:07:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
hey buddy i think that a lot of gay people have been in your position at one point in time or another i know that i have.there is nothing that you can do to change your sexuality. it is possible to live your life like a straight person and to keep people from knowing that you are gay but you will never be happy you will be clinically depressed for the rest of your life (just my opinion ). you do not have to come out to every body in your like until you feel like it and are ok with it your self. talking to a therapist about your sexuality will help you feel a lot better about it. in a few years you will think back about how you wanted to change your sexuality and laugh. just remember that there is nothing wrong with being gay and it is very possible to live a happy fulfilling life as a gay man. you can have a home, children, and a long term boyfriend/husband. oh and god will not make you straight i was raised in a christan home and prayed to god a lot form the time i was 13 all the way till i was 16 and i am still gay but now i am happy and ok with it.
2006-12-23 12:14:50 · answer #8 · answered by joe s 2 · 5⤊ 2⤋
Who knows. You could try one of those church groups that claim to turn people straight. I just don't believe it works.
(No. I'm not going to give the predicable stock answer everyone else is giving that you can't change. How does anyone know? You can't read other people's minds or futures. Like I said, I don't believe it's possible to change but I have no proof and neither do they. So you down-thumbers can stuff it. You're just pissed that I know that you're just making up your comments as you go.)
I feel very sorry that you're having so much trouble with it. Just don't date anyone for a the next couple years. You may be able to accept being gay once you're older, more mature, and away from your parents.
Trust me. Gettting away from your parents and becoming financially independant will really help. It sounds like they've got you under their thumb.
So, get into a college that's far away. In a large city. You'll make new friends that can accept you. Some colleges have a gay residence hall. Check into that.
2006-12-23 11:14:17 · answer #9 · answered by kickbutt 3 · 4⤊ 3⤋
Unfortunately, you can't turn straight. Believe me, I've tried.
Homosexuality is not a choice. It is difficult to understand that, especially for heterosexuals.
I understand your reluctance to come out to your family. It was one of the most difficult decisions of my life, but in the end, I'm glad I did it.
Just try to live life to the fullest. Don't let your sexual orientation become an obstacle. Do what you want to do in life, and don't let anything stop you.
2006-12-23 12:51:23 · answer #10 · answered by Aidan L. 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋