What should I do? I just found out my hubsand is cheating on me?

Question

I am thinking of getting a divorce, but their are a few problems with it...
1.) We would have to move, the house is too big for just me to take care of
2.) Both of my children love their father, I'm afraid he might get custody of them... I have no idea what I'd do with myself then
3.) My kids would probably take it really hard...
I have no idea what to do!

Answer 1

If this is a true question and you have spent any reasonable amount of time on this site- you know this is not a question that the mostly 99% of CHILDREN that are on here can help you with.
A public forum isn't what you need. You need one of two
1. Lawyer- if you are ready to move forward with ending your marriage
2. Marriage Counselor- if you want to try to save your marriage.

Answer 2

If u decide to forgive him, go to counseling, or some type of something where u guys can discuss ur feelings and why he cheated. So then atleast u can probably fix what was lacking in the marriage. IF not, it's best to get a divorce. The kids love their dad? Is he a good dad? Live in the same town; get joint custody. If u cant work it out, and u stay with ur husband, neither of u will be happy and that will affect the kids negitively. Yeah, they'll take it hard now, but if u guys are civil when separating, and all through out, they'll forgive and forget in time. And just be happy that u guys are happy, even though not together. It'll be hard for u too, but in time, u'll get over it too. U've got to look at the long run, for the sake of ur kids if nothing else. Good luck in working it out...both of u owe it to ur kids to try and save the marriage before cutting ur losses and jumping ship.

Answer 3

Talk to him about what has happen. There are kids in this relationship too. That has to come up. If you love each other then you can get past this. Don't stay together just because of the kids either. Try to work it out. Compromises need to be made and divorce is only a finally option. Work hard to fix the problem don't just walk away. The words divorce should not be spoken because it is a way out of facing the music. Wait until after Christmas so the kids have a great day. Remember what is really important in your life!

Answer 4

It should really be dependent on how much your husband is willing to work with you on the marriage. If he is not willing to work on the marriage, it would be a really hard struggle to overcome the trust issues from having a cheating spouse. It is a real long struggle to overcome the problems that come from a cheating spouse.

Staying married for the sake of the kids or lose custody is not the best thing if it is the sole reason for remaining together. The kids would have a real bad image of marriage. If you or him left the marriage and divorced after the kids were grown, the kids would have an even harder time with the divorce.

Regarding child custody, the courts mainly decide it unless the children are at the age of decision which is 12 years and older. It depends on the state itself. An idea might be go for joint custody which is pretty common in a lot of states.

The best thing is to go for marital counseling for the two of you. If he refuses to go, I recommend going to counseling yourself.

Answer 5

Dear Jennifer,
I'm so sorry but what gives u the idea u'll lose the kids? And did u not say he cheated on u? That is a major facter in a divource as u have the upper hand! Get a good female lawyer & lets pray the judge is female 2, they can't stand men like that. So you sell the house & contents 50%. The children r most to 2 have heard arguing in the home which is the worst u can supress on them. U
r making a wise devision! And children pick up up alot of info when u argue, & yell. Break it 2 em gently & add that they'll have
2 Christmas's, 2 hoiday's each yr. and u and Dad love them equel, most of all let them no it's not their fault at all, as they'll carry quilt inside. I'd like 2 talk more, if u like plse e-mail me, as
space is so limited re: cusody & visitation factors.

diana d P.S. " Anny Landers" nickname 4 kids only!

Answer 6

Do you want to save your marriage? Well, don't be too quick to give up in divorce. Instead give him a serious shock treatment. Separate from him and don't give him any leeway. This will give you both a chance to reflect on the value of your marriage. Don't cling it will only drive him faster and further away. Don't act pathetic, even if you are crying your eyes out at night. The bigger the shock, the better the effect! Make him wonder if he has lost you completely. Be firm, under any circumstances, don't go back with him right away, if he finds at that point that he wants you back. Require that you two go to counseling. Take time for you to forgive, forget and make him work to regain your trust. No physical contact under any circumstances as this will only make him think you don't mean business. It has to be a shock effect to work and the shock has to show him that you do mean business. It may take some time. Don't make it easy, make it worth it. It can mend and heal your marriage and make it strong. And if it doesn't then you didn't need him anyway. I would rather have it end and get it done with so I could get on with the healing and my life than to drag on and on in pain and be miserable and perhaps end anyway and in worse pain. I wish I had known about and done the shock treatment at that time and I believe it would have either set me free to heal sooner or healed my marriage. It would have given him a chance to decide what he really wanted.

Why would he get custody of your kids? It might be joint custody, but total? It will work out either way. You will be fine.

And YES, indeed, kids do take it hard, even adult kids out on their own. Besides my own son, there were several friends we had that had adult kids (some were even married) that went through a divorce also and every last one of them took it hard. It's even harder on a younger child because they understand even less about what is going on. Assure them it is not their fault or anything they have done.

And as far as the house, is it worth your marriage? Lose a house, gain a strong, happy marriage. You can get another house, but the pain and suffering that comes with divorce is not worth a house.

Answer 7

Before filing for divorce, consider marital counseling. Before you do anything, you might wish to somehow confirm that your husband indeed cheated on you. There are a lot of troublemakers out there that like to make life hell for committed couples, so I hope you didn't fall prey to some busybody who seeks to destroy your relationship.

I'm sorry to hear about the situation. Just try and fight the urge from jumping to any drastic conclusions until you are able to confirm the situation. In the meantime, hang in there and work off your anxiety with some exercise. Talking to friends might exacerbate the stress because you'll be hearing THEIR perspective, and the relationship is really between YOU and YOUR SPOUSE. Instead seek support from an altruistic, unselfish, kind, non-judgemental, trustworthy soul.

Whatever the case, empower yourself by checking out the Divorce Net and NOLO URL's below.

Answer 8

Right now, you are in shock. I strongly suggest you take some time to think things over. If you have friends you can trust, talk the situation over with them. Talk to a therapist if necessary.

If after taking some time to calm down you are considering a divorce, get the lawyer BEFORE you talk to your husband. Do not believe the others who are telling you you will get everything including the house and the kids. This depends greatly upon where you live; in my state it would make NO DIFFERENCE in the property settlement, and probably no difference in the custody determination either.

Good luck.

Answer 9

If he's willing to stop and you love him then seek counseling. If not, divorce him. More times than not the woman gets custody of the children, unless she is unfit. I wouldn't worry about that part. Divorce is always hard on children but staying with someone who is hurting you is only going to hurt them more in the long run. Just the amount of arguing that I'm sure will happen will be detrimental for them. Moving will be very hard as well, but as long as you aren't moving them out of their school district it will be ok. Good luck.

Answer 10

This certainly is a tough situation. If he is willing to stay with you, and if he is aware of the mistake he made, you should try to forgive him, for I can see that you care about your children very much. It is important for them to have a stable family, especially when they are young. But you also have to think of yourself. If you are unhappy with living with this man, you cannot stay with him, unless you're willing to give up yourself for your family/your children. Maybe him cheating is a sign, that he is not happy in this marriage anymore. If this is the case, I don't think it is good for you two to stay together, even if your children will suffer. You will have to try your best to support your children, even more after a divorce. About the whole custody thing, you might wanna consult a lawyer on your own, just for a single conversation to inform yourself about your possibilities...I'm not even married yet, so I can't fully understand your situation, but I hope you will find a good way for yourself and your children.