My boyfriend of five years and I are having our first baby together. I'm now 20 weeks and seem to get no help with anything, I go to school full time, work on the weekends and raise my six year old with no help hardly from him. I have tried everything to get him to help but he always finds something else to do. I feel like a single parent and am one basiclly. I have thought seriously about leaving but I than I think he'll be get it so to say whe the baby comes. What are your thoughts?
2006-12-23 09:37:33 · 19 answers · asked by babyboyz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have been togethre 5 years, I was leaving when I got pregnant on birth control, I do suck it most of the time, When I ask him to do things I say can you please clean the dishes today and leave it at that. I tried to have a one on one talk and he told me to shut up and quit naging. I also told him if he wants a singles life fine I would leave, he said he wanted the baby. he can't even run a vacumm how is he going to clean a diaper?
2006-12-23 09:45:36 · update #1
You are all so right, I should have either made him commit ALONG time ago or left. For the record he is a great father to my first son who is not his.
2006-12-23 10:06:20 · update #2
Don't look for anything from this man. You've got no "papers" on him. It should have really told you what kind of man he was that he was glad enough to hang with you for five years, as long as he didn't have to bother with any solid commitment. You allowed him to get away with that. But my bet is, now you have yet another child on the way he's starting to feel the walls closing in on him. When that new baby arrives, and you are going to be needing to give that child a lot of attention, buddy boy will be exercising his "unmarried freedom"
Of course, he will always be stuck with child support - IF you bother to file on him, and IF you can find him, after he rides off into the sunset. But, I am sorry to say, I seriously doubt if you are going to be playing "happy families" with this guy for much longer. The only good thing about it is that you wont have to go through the hassle of getting a divorce.
These situations always tend to end the same way. The guy has no legal shackles on him, so when he decides he's had enough of playing house, and playing second fiddle to demanding infants, there is really nothing to stop him heading for the hills.
I am sure this is not the kind of answer you wanted to hear, my dear, but I'm afraid all too soon you are going to discover that it's a pretty accurate one.
2006-12-23 10:01:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some men are useless around the house and with kids etc,his mum might have done everything for him when he was at home-so they kinda go through life thinking any female in their life should do the same.Sit him down and tell him how strongly you feel and tell him he will have to change,because it will be alot harder when the new baby comes,if that doesnt work either accept you will have to do most things or walk away.There are alot of men like that but there are also good ones who are great round the house,dont let it get you too stressed,take care and good luck
2006-12-23 09:44:28 · answer #2 · answered by NATALIE W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he can't respect you, he isn't going to respect your child. Do you want him telling your crying three year old to shut up? Don't let him walk all over you. You aren't married, and you are in control. It is really your decision on what to do. But just think about your children, he doesn't help you now, is he really going to jump up and help when you have the baby? It's not about what he wants, it's about what you want, and what's best for your children. Has he helped you with your first child? Try asking him what he would do, and tell him that if he's not taking care of his baby before his baby is born, then how will you know that he can take care of it afterwards? If he won't listen, then I don't think he's worth it.
2006-12-23 10:01:21 · answer #3 · answered by who_is_audrey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop nagging him about stuff. How old is he? Is he more into his life? I went through this with my husband and sat down with him and told him whats up I did tell him I would leave, but in reality I wouldn't thats how he was when I married him didnt do house work or help with the kiddos.
So you need to make sure this is the man you want and either suck it up and just get through it or you might need to leave, but for sure you really need to sit down with him when you have his full attention and let him know what is going on and what you except out of him as a man
2006-12-23 09:40:52 · answer #4 · answered by Alexis221 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can support 2 children on your own, I think you should just leave. That may make him wake up and realize you are serious. If not, then you will have made the best decision possible for you and your children. If you have family near you, see if they can help after the baby is born and you can get back to work. Make sure if you do leave, that you get it set up w/ the state for child support. He may not "get" to that either.
Good luck
2006-12-23 09:54:35 · answer #5 · answered by Alicia L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and your boyfriend have been together 5 yrs he should already be helping you out with your 6 yr old. If he hasn't taken any responsibility for him/her yet l honestly can't see him taking any responsibility for his own. Why would you get pregnant to a guy who obviously is too immature to care about anyone but himself. I personally think you better get used to doing everything on your own for 2 children as l don't think him having a child of his own will mature him too much. I hope l am wrong for your sake. Best of luck and Merry Xmas.
2006-12-23 09:51:33 · answer #6 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe he will change or maybe he won't. Most likely if he doesn't do anything for you now he won't when the baby comes. So do what you feel is right, but most likely if your basically a single parent now just think of it as practice for when it comes to the light that he is a dead beat dad.
2006-12-23 09:48:52 · answer #7 · answered by JourneyToTheHeart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, he is not the responsible type of man or ideal father for your child. Yes, leave him. Because if you should stick with him for the rest of your life, you'll end up stressed, frustrated and depressed. For the mean time, do your best to save money for the rainy days ahead. I tell you, it's not gonna be easy but you can do it with God's help.
2006-12-23 09:47:00 · answer #8 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to talk to him. Tell him that you feel like you are a single parent and that you need his help because you can´t deal with everything. If he doesn´t change just leave him or he will only give you more problems.
2006-12-23 09:45:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this ur first child with him? If so, then I wouldnt expect his behavior to get any better. If not, maybe he will come around when the baby is born. But I would tlak to him about your feelings.
2006-12-23 09:44:29 · answer #10 · answered by megdbrown10304 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋