I want to be with my bf, but he lives in W.A. and I'm married, here in S.D. my bf is everything that i ever wanted, he loves me loves my kids, drinks occasionally, is kind, is patient, and understanding and forgiving, i left him to try to work things out with my husband, and he gave it hell but he's slowly going back to the reasons why i left him in the first place, he's impatient, jealous, now he's doing drugs, he's an alcoholic, drinks every few days, and is drunk for a few days, and i dont know about cheating so far but i have caught him with a hickey over labor day and my bf has forgiven me and wants us to all go back to him, but i feel guilty, cause my husband needs help but dont know how to get it, everything here has to be willing, and my husband says he'll die with a 40 in his hand, what to i do? for gurls and unborn, 4 daughters now
2006-12-23 08:09:20 · 16 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i was married to him for 10yrs all have been drinking, and he jealousy, i never stepped out on him ever in 9yrs, although i caught diseases and seen him with hickeys i forgave him, and tried again, to make it work cause i loved him with everything i had and when we broke up in 11/2004 i still never cheated i tried again with him in 3/05 still left me to drink, so then i found my bf, and moved to W.A. i was happy but was still married and so when my husband asked me to come back that he wants to work this out for us and the kids, i did i thought it would work, and although he quit drinking for a month, and stopped the drugs it didnt last long, i've been back with him for 7 months, and still it's getting worse, were almost back where we left off, he wont do treatment he wont see a marriage couselor, i'm not happy but i feel guilty, for not being able to help him, i'm all he has, my family fear for my life, they think he can kill me but i dont see that in him. no abuse, no verbal abuse
2006-12-23 08:42:55 · update #1
Well, you shouldn't have gone back but we are fixers aren't we? I know, been there done that. You need to leave. There is no excuse big enough for him to have a hickey on him after you came back. He is a loser and always will be. He made a try and he has failed. So, that should be it for you. Do not let him blackmail you with threats of hurting himself, he won't he likes himself too much. he shows that by putting his needs and wants before yours and his kids. So, the bf may not be the knight in armour but it is a way to get out and on your feet and away from this sick person that is your husband. Don't let him control you and why on God's green earth did you get pregnant? Please, stop that and start being responsible for those kids and make sure they are safe and secure. They are your number one priority right now. good luck. Merry Christmas.
2006-12-23 08:20:19 · answer #1 · answered by MISS-MARY 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you should not have a bf while you are still married. What you should do is leave your drunk husband, and be alone for a while. Women become too dependent on men, and think they always need to have one or another around, and that is not true. It's not good for your kids to see you with different men either. I just think it's best you get a divorce and be along for a while, enjoy your kids. After a few years maybe start thinking about dating again.
2006-12-23 15:57:21 · answer #2 · answered by Jennifer S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have some big decisions to make..Frist of all when you went back to your husband you should have cut all ties and contact off with the boyfriend.. Your husband will go thru periods of Jealousy, not trusting you..Its all because of what has happened..(i am assuming you left hubby for b/f). Doing drugs and alcohol is NOT a good thing for him to be doing, It just added to the mess thats already been created by both of you.. and seriously it will not do the marriage any good by drinking..Do whats BEST for your Daughters, Just imagine what they are going thru right now also..Get your husband some MUCH needed help..He needs help whether you stay or go..But don't go running to the B/F. You need time to figure out your life especially with your daughters..They need you!
I wish you Good Luck..
Merry Christmas
2006-12-23 08:30:18 · answer #3 · answered by Shem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont stay with the husband to try to help him. He needs some real help and you cant fix him. As for finding a bf while still married, that was wrong, but now, just leave the husband, he sounds like he has way too many problems for you and your kids to be around.
2006-12-23 08:16:05 · answer #4 · answered by lynjen31 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey i don't believe in divorce but if your not happy then leave. their will always be problems.your husband does need help but you can't give it to him he's gotta want help for himself and your girls don't need that life style.he's most likely cheated on you.where is your heart right now?i don't think it's in s.d. follow your heart and don't feel bad just tell your husband that your not happy and he's not gonna change.tell him how you feel. then make arrangements to move with your best friend. theirs a reason why you ask this question.
2006-12-23 08:22:11 · answer #5 · answered by APRILMAE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you've got yourself into a pickle. I would say you need to experience your life without a guy. You don't need to be with either one of them. Show your daughters that your strong!! Besides that Why would you even consider staying with someone who is so abusive? Drugs and Cheating? That's a no-no in my book. More power to you!
2006-12-23 08:14:22 · answer #6 · answered by kane_rosebud 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change anyone but yourself.
Your marriage is full of emotional blackmail and is very unhealthy for you... In my mind there is only one option in this situation.
I know that you feel you have responsibilities for your husband, but I think you're better off divorcing him. You can still support him as a friend.
When he is not drunk or stoned (if ever), talk to him. Tell him you are not happy and that you think you'ld be better off as friends, not a married couple. Tell him you are willing to support him if he needs it, but you can't stay true to yourself if you stay with him.
It is obvious your heart is with your b/f and I think you need to be with him. He is also obviously caring and loves you to be supportive of you, letting you go to attempt to repair your marriage.
2006-12-23 13:58:39 · answer #7 · answered by annyka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump yor boyfriend and stay with your hubby. You must not love him very much to cheat on him. That also sets a bad example for your kid. Your child is probably going thruogh things because you always leave to be with yer boyfriend.
2006-12-23 08:18:09 · answer #8 · answered by Bubba F. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to pack your things up with the kids and move to be with your boyfriend. You sound very unhappy with your husband and I think you will regret staying with him in the future. Good Luck!
2006-12-23 08:12:12 · answer #9 · answered by joyall57 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
what!! abomination! you´re doublegaming eh! Ah! repent right now before yr head is separated from the rest of yr body. you mean you´re having a bf and huddy? just take time.
2006-12-23 08:41:42 · answer #10 · answered by ocz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋