I had been seeing this guy for about a month and a half. The condom broke and I became pregnant. Neither one of us have children. When I told him I was pregnant, he stated that he would support me whether I decided to keep the baby or not. I told him that I was going to keep the baby at the time he decided to tell me that he is married and that having the baby would end his marriage. However he failed to tell me all of this before we started seeing each other.I have no desire to be in a relationship with him of any kind. He has makes routine checks to make sure I'm doing ok and checking to see how the baby is doing. He said he told his wife and she kicked him out. I found out a month later that he never did tell her when he showed up to my apartment uannounced. His wife found out about it and called me. He told her that I trapped him. At the present time I have no contact w/him, but I want his parents to know. This is a difficult situation for all parties involved, what should I do.
2006-12-23 06:33:28 · 13 answers · asked by myalivia07 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First off, a condom was used and yes, it did break. As far as me being on birth control, I moved to a new state and ran out of my currently supply hence the use of a condom. Me getting pregnant wasn't something that was planned. Yes it happens, but you deal with it and life goes on. I wasn't hiding anything from his wife. Personally, I feel he should have told her months ago. I didn't know he was married, so for all of you who claim that I am lying can go to h*ll. If I had know he was married, I never would have gotten involved with him. The signs of him being married were not there. If I asked him to stay the night, there were never any issues with it. Whenever I called him at home, I never got the impression that he was married. I'm not ashamed that I was with him and to Candy Cain I'm not a whore and you should really grow up. Name calling is a little immature. I know what if feels like to have a man cheat on you and would never want to put someone in that position.
2006-12-23 07:05:43 · update #1
I feel sorry for all parties involved, including my unborn daughter. As far as his parents, yes I feel that the mature thing to do is to give the the opportunity to decide whether or not they want to be in her life. If they don't, then that is their lost. And if he wants to be a coward and not take care of his daughter on his own that only makes him less of a man. However, you better believe that I will take him to court and he will take care of his daughter legally. For those of you who posted words of encouragement, thank you. For those of you who don't know me and automatically assume that I knew he was married and purposely did this, screw you. I made a poor judgement of character, but in the end I have a daughter that I can not wait to meet.
2006-12-23 07:10:15 · update #2
The first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself because dishonesty and not thinking things through will cause you to make bad decisions from here on in, like the ones you made up until now.
First off just so you know statistics say you are lying and that it is much more likely that there was no condom a few times, and you are now saying it broke so that you can deflect the judgement by others of the bad decision that you made. Only you know for sure what really happened.
Also the fact that you did not use birth control yourself pretty much tell us and should tell you that you WANTED this to happen. Lastly, the fact that you did not hide it from his wife and want now to tell his parents shows that you desparately want to destroy his former life so you may be able to pluck him from the wreckage.
Do an inventory make a list of things you want starting with teh words I WANT. And don't make it dependent on other people liek "I want his parents to know" that is unhealhy. Try to sort out your true feelings and stop the denial, you are not fooling anyone with this.
Try to present your wants to him clearly and without BS, which may be difficult as you will feel judgement on all sides of you along with strong urges to lie about your intentions.
Finally remember that you chose this, and you need to deal with the consequences of your actions.
2006-12-23 06:41:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am truly sorry, but you will have to raise this child by yourself. This is no man you hooked up with. Just a sperm donor.
He is a liar. He deceived you from the beginning and will not stop. I promise there are others like you and this guy is lying to them too.
Your child will be far better off without him in their life. There are many great guys out there.
When you find one that just blatantly lies to you. Get him out of your life..... Now this piece of work will owe you cash for a couple decades, take it.... No need to call his wife. Unless she is a lawyer. Then she just might be mad enough to represent you against him.... There is likely some ethical problems with that though.
Your next call shoud be to a lawyer. This schmuck will not pay voluntarlily. Get a real live court order. Don't be nice, he has not been, nor will he be.
Get a lawyer... Now.... Your child deserves better... Don't hide.
You made a mistake.
He knew exactly what he was doing...
Get a lawyer Now....
2006-12-23 14:50:52 · answer #2 · answered by skating265 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love the child and care for the child. I'm smiling because it is a 'love child'. It happens. How do you want this pregnancy to go? Lovely don't you? Of course. Just erase your troubles and don't think of them. Just think of yourself and your child with joy.
Let go of that mess. Greet who ever comes but don't allow them in your space or your decisions. Do you need assistance or will you be fine? I would move. It's sunny and delightful here in NM for children. It's the land of enchantment.
later our 'love child' was adopted by a wonderful man who wanted a large family and is so generous that the originally father is welcomed too. But I want you and your baby to have a wonderful pregnancy and when people ask about the father... boldly and beautifuly announce that this is a love child. It will be alright. Sing in your pregnancy. Feel lovely and often others will delight as well. Leave the troubles for this moment and sometimes if you need to write. I will be happy to answer.
2006-12-23 14:43:19 · answer #3 · answered by nanbeloved 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The guy messed up and is trying to cover it. Its a guy thing. But you are having a child with him. He still has a right to help raise his child. I'm sure his parents already know. Just don't cut him out of his child's life. Worse comes to worse take him to court for child support.
2006-12-23 14:47:45 · answer #4 · answered by emarlow15 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you have found yourself in such a painful situation- clearly you are a good person who got mixed-up with a deceptive man. Out of love for your baby, give it to a loving adoptive family. Your baby will carry the baggage of the circumstances you are in for the rest of his/her life. You will be faced with dealing with the father and his wife for the rest of your life. It will be the hardest thing you ever do, but the most noble and loving thing you ever do. Let your baby start with a clean slate and two committed, married parents. Good luck, and best wishes.
2006-12-23 14:47:39 · answer #5 · answered by karen c 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
can you take care of that child if he doesn't step up to the plate?
What can his parents do, really? If you are able to raise that child by yourself, then go ahead, but if you arent at that place in your life, just yet, then do what you gotta do.
Sad that you fell victim , but it's your life and the choices you make from here and now will affect your life and the baby's.Pray about it and follow your instincts.
Good luck
2006-12-23 14:49:46 · answer #6 · answered by g_liwk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You played with dynamite and got caught. He played you for a fool and should suffer the consequences too. It is too bad there is a baby involved, but he should assume support for the kid. Be sure his name is there on the b- certificate, and make sure he tows the mark for child support.
Then, were it I, I would be sure his wife knows what he has done and finally have no association with him other than child support payments. BTW, if he faults on those have him arrested too. Make no mistake, he will get away with whatever YOU allow him to.
2006-12-23 14:46:27 · answer #7 · answered by J.M.C 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Definitely let his parents know that they will have a grandchild! Make sure you go to court for full custody and court-ordered child support. Let him into your life only for visits with the child. He will suffer the consequences of his actions!
2006-12-23 14:53:55 · answer #8 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is NOT to be trusted. Take my advice please and avoid him.
Just because you have a baby doesnt mean that you wont find a man who loves you for youre real worth. You have been sucked into this guys games for far too long. If you love him and visa versa, stay together but DONT trust him. He may end up doing to you what he did to his wife.
2006-12-23 14:41:55 · answer #9 · answered by tomy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just make sure his name goes on the birth cert. and you get child support out of him...It will teach him a good lesson on cheating and lying!
2006-12-23 14:37:57 · answer #10 · answered by MC 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋