My mother and I don't get a long that great or should i say at all. We try and try but it seems as though after a week of trying we just stop contacting each other and what not. Well my dilema is, is that Christmas is now 2 days away and I have not yet spoke to my mom. Its not that i don't want to its just that i don't know what to say and i don't want to yell at me for not calling (because thats what she normally does when i don't call) Oh btw I'm 21 living 1hr and half away from her with my boyfriend so having the no communication isn't that hard to achieve. But i don't want to miss being with my mom over the holidays but i can't just barge in and if i called her she is going to ask why i haven't called before and then we will just get into another argument. Does anyone out there have any suggestions as to what i can do to make this weekend a happy joyful one with my mom involved without me having the feel like a piece of sh*t.... please help i don't want to lose my mom.
2006-12-23 06:11:54 · 12 answers · asked by ♥ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh and btw when we do talk.. its like 2 strangers meeting for the very first time and realizing they aren't really into each other.. its the most weird and uncomfortable thing in the world. my mom and i have become so distant that we are truly strangers.
2006-12-23 06:13:26 · update #1
I think your step father must have admitted he has a sexual desire towards you and now she can't help but see you as competition. Good luck.
2006-12-23 06:17:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I unfortunately don't have the perfect answer for you. Every relationship is different. But I just wanted to offer your support and remind you that your heart is in the right place by wanting to try. I am a mom and I know that I would always want to hear from my little boy, especially at the holidays. Maybe the holiday spirit would actually make it a little easier to make amends??
Relationships with those we love can be the toughest of all to maintain. If the two of you are always hurting one another, maybe its time to ask for help. Is there a sibling you can talk to? What about your Dad or an Aunt or Uncle? Just make sure not to get yourself into a situation where your mother feels like you are talking about her behind her back.
There are also family counselors or the officiants at local churches that are willing to help. Maybe someone who is emotionally removed could help the two of you get to the root of your problems.
Whatever you do, best of luck to you. Just try to maintain your composure and your best intentions. Always try to see things from your mothers perspective as well as your own. Seek support if you can't do this alone. And remember to keep yourself happy and healthy as well as your relationship with your mother.
I wish you the best this holiday season and throughout the year.
2006-12-23 14:19:01 · answer #2 · answered by Amalthea 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Show up for Christmas- with presents. When she answers the door say, "Hey Mom, Merry Christmas. We can do this."
If things start to heat up remind yourself of the beauty and significance of Christmas. Do not have an escape plan ahead of time. Go with the feeling that it's going to be your best Christmas ever and don't settle for less. Remember, the only thing you truly have control over is YOUR attitude. Choose happy. Merry Christmas!
2006-12-23 14:19:20 · answer #3 · answered by skayrkroh 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Call your mom and tell her how much you care and/or love her. Let her know that it would help you if together you two can do a better job to open the lines of communication and have a better relationship. Also, tell her you would like to come home for a visit with the understanding that you both agree not to make things adversarial....Good Luck!!!
2006-12-23 14:20:17 · answer #4 · answered by curiousJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I so agree with J S, I think her answer hits it right on the nail. That is if you're prepared for her not to respond to you. It sounds like she's a not very nurturing mother, which is something I think we all either want or in my case miss. You feeling like sh*t is something she probably is very capable of doing because she maybe blaming you for something? Either way you gonna have to prepare yourself for not being able to have her anymore cause she is definetely straying & distancing herself from you. My mom did the same to me is why I say. She's never been the same since my teenage years. She tries but it's just never gonna be there again I think.
2006-12-23 14:38:27 · answer #5 · answered by North of Heaven 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get your mom a present take it too her, if she asks why you haven't called, tell her you felt she might be busy getting ready for the holidays and didn't want to interupt her.
Trouble is we can't pick our relatives, we are stuck with them no matter what. Try your best, if all she wants to do is argue, then leave and go a month or two without talking to her. That is if you can't find it within yourself to talk to her about this incessant desire of hers to want to argue all the time.
2006-12-23 14:16:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my Mom. Basically, I don't like her at all. She's a huge snob. She didn't stand up for me when I was trying to leave my cheating husband. And she never shares her life with anyone. I have nothing to say to help you. But just that do what feels honest to you. No need to pretend. Time may heal things.
2006-12-23 14:42:49 · answer #7 · answered by crazyloonynice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother misses you, and that's why she is not happy unless you call on a regular basis. Give her a call; go see her Christmas Day. Tell her you feel like you are growing apart, then both of you come up with siggestions on how to improve your relationship. Follow through, and you will be friends again!
2006-12-23 14:21:30 · answer #8 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please understand that you are not responsible for someone else's choices. You are responsible for your choices and behaviors. So, contacting her to say that you do not want to argue and to say that you are sorry for ways in which you have upset her. She may or may not accept that, but at least you did the right thing in taking responsibility and asking for some restoration. It could well lead to her apologizing as well and trying to do what she needs to towards restoring the relationship.
Have you analyzed what upsets her and what upsets you?
Perhaps there are some hidden solutions in the answers to those questions. If she is not positive in her response, please understand that you did what you could.
The Bible does tell us that we should do what we can to live at peace with all. That recognizes that we cannot control how others act.
2006-12-23 14:24:57 · answer #9 · answered by Bob T 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all this might sound childish but it is a way to contact her without listening to the yelling: does she get text messages or emails? cuz if she does you can break the ice by doing that, i mean, that has saved me a whole of pain when it comes to breaking the ice and after a couple of messages (without the naggin' :) u can go straight to the point and maybe invite somewhere like a restaurant just u and her... what u think??
2006-12-23 14:20:45 · answer #10 · answered by JULIA 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
call her!!!! say i dnt wanna fite im just callin bc i wanna spend the holidays with u if thats possible. now the ball is in her court. if she yells at u or tries to start fiting wit u, just simply say, mom, i really didnt call to argue with u n this is exactly y i dnt call that often. when ur ready to not argue wit me plz call me, bc id love 2 have a normal mother/daughter/best friend relationship with u"
2006-12-23 14:15:19 · answer #11 · answered by J S 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋