husband went to strip club in mexico w/ a friend. came home with a rash under belly button way below the underwear line, i only niticed it after i had the same one. scared him into telling me about the club, asking about the trip and how we could have gotten this rash. he told me he went and his buddy paid for a lap dance for him, also that she tried to go down his pants, but he didnt let her, after more questions i finnally got out of him that she did go down his pants for a few seconds befor he pulled her hand out, also the fact that she rolled his pants and underwear down inorder to rub him w/ her body (thats where the rash came in) i only got this info b/c he was scarred about the rash, now i dont beleive him, the story changes when i ask for him to tell me the story he gets mad and says he did nothing wrong, weve been together for over 15 years and i feel i dont know him anymore.he always stayed away from these places saying they were a tease and not worth his time, please help...
2006-12-23 05:53:59 · 27 answers · asked by jen w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If this is his first time then I think its ok. knowing what can happen he probably won't ever do it again. i say give himm another shot, u have been with him way too long to throw it away. he probably reluctantly went and now he is paying for it. now if he continues these thigns then break it up but until then i think he has punishment enough now
2006-12-23 05:58:52 · answer #1 · answered by tim8laura238 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
ok. i know this is really serious to you as a woman and this is your husband but you have to calm down and relax. it does happen that guys will be guys and the strip clubs are what guys sometimes do. look at it this way, there are men who are obsessed with these places. lets call them losers. you said yourself that he doesn't frequent them often and perhaps this is the first time so you know he isn't a loser. cut him some slack just this one time. maybe because he is inexperienced with these places he didn't know what to expect. now not only is he paying for his ignorance but he must be really embarrased about it. stop asking him questions. you will not be satisfied and may work yourself into a state that you don't waant to go to. take him to the emergency room and be there with him the whole time. you're his wife and they can't make you leave. make sure you listen to him while he explains to the doctor what happened. and be smart enough to ask the doctor questions of your own. that way you'll get the whole story and find out what that rash is about and if he really did sleep with that thing. it may not be an std. do not let him touch you until it's all cleared up. i'd go with him back to the doctor to make sure it's ok before we got physical again. trust me when i say, this is the last time he will ever go to a place like that. he will stay away from them like they are the plague. i hope more men will see this and see that those girls in those places are not ladies and someone them are prostitutes. they only want then men the go there for money and you can get things from them. this is not a marriage breaker. not all strippers go that far. some of them are there to entertain and then you have the prostitutes. your husband is lucky a rash was all he got.
2006-12-23 06:18:26 · answer #2 · answered by NoDeal21 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This is awful for you, but try not to lose your sense of reason. You've been together a long time and i'm sure your relationship is worth saving.
You need to get the rash checked out. As he passed it on to you, it does sound suspicious. Unfortunately you may have to wait til after Xmas to get to the clinic. Don't have unprotected sex. Not that you probably want to!
When you know what the rash is, then you can take it from there. Tell him you want the WHOLE truth, and you can't carry on with your relationship until you do know the WHOLE truth.
He's been an idiot, but i remember something i read in the paper once about a famous actor who saw a hooker...."Even nice men do nasty things sometimes".
Hopefully you can work this awful situation out. I can understand how you feel.
2006-12-23 06:45:09 · answer #3 · answered by Caroline 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I danced, I know that there was a 30 second grinding rule, no more than that.
rubbing bodies and teasing is normal, but uh,sticking hands down a mans pants. ewe, no way. And rolling down a guys pants and underwear was strictly a big no no. Thats where the fine line of teasing can turn into prostitution.
Maybe things are different in mexico. Id make him go to the dr AND go with him to make sure you hear what the doc has to say so that you can protect yourself just in case. I wouldn't trust him until you find out. If he refuses to see a dr. then don;t have sex with him until he does.
I honestly think he may have done something more. but thats just my opinion. There are girls that work in clubs strictly just to hustle, pay bills, college, kids, etc etc. And then there are others who will go as far and do nasty stuff just to make a buck.
I think that chick he saw was one of da nasty ones.
2006-12-23 06:03:51 · answer #4 · answered by cawfeebeanz 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your man got him some south of the border action south of the border. You should make him tell you what club and you should go down and check it out. Most of those strip clubs are full of diseased young teen age girls. You will be pissed when you see that your hubby was doing the nasty with some under age, not very good looking girl. The aids rate is way high down in those clubs. You need to use a condom with your man for at least the first 6 months and then make him get tested. I bet the thought of him performing oral on some poor little 14 year old girl who was forced into the sex business really pisses you off.
2006-12-23 06:44:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is not acceptable. Make sure you go to the doctor and get checked out for any diseases or other health problems. If your husband lied to you about the rash, and his story kept changing, how do you know he didn't have sex and the rubbing is just made up? If you want to salvage your relationship, go to couple's counseling. Otherwise, I think your husband's disease would help you when you file for divorce. You need to put yourself first. You're health and well being are most important. If your husband is putting you at risk for disease and making it so you can't trust him, get out of that relationship. It's not worth your time and effort.
2006-12-26 08:21:34 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. Pears 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's obvious he did what he probably never thought he would do. But he certainly did.
The question is how he feels about it? as in, would he ever do it again?
Hopefully you got that medically treated both of you, and check for EVERYTHING ELSE.
He did make a big mistake, there's no lying about it.
He also has been mighty selfish not taking any precaution, which also most probably means that he didn't mean to.
But, whether he's ashamed or not won't change what happens.
You need answer, and YOU should get them.
I don't mean gory details, but what ifs.
See if he learnt his lessons.
Good luck.
2006-12-23 08:15:33 · answer #7 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband had sex with a "strippitute" [stripper slang for a stripper who is also a part time prostitute - most strippers do NOT have sex with the customers, and they look down on the ones who do]
And, worse yet, your husband caught an STD from a strippitute.
Before you even get down to working out all the emotional damagfe your husband caused, you should go to the doctor right away, demand that your husband do the same. You should also cease having unprotected sex with your husband - from now on, he has to use a condom or he gets none (be firm about this "no glove, no love")
Besides breaking your marriage vows, your husband put your health at risk when he had sex with that infected prostitute.
If you want to save the relationship, you and your husband have to go to a marriage councilor. Meanwhile, you have to protect your health, no matter what.
2006-12-23 05:59:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 0⤋
first off 15years is a long time to be with one person, and im sure having been with him that long you can tell if he is lying or not.. .. the fact that he keeps changing his story and switching whatever he says would be suspicious in it self.. the way you discribed everything i would say he went there with a so called 'buddy' and that 'buddy' and he possibly got drunk and did somethings they should not of done... i dont think he would sleep with a mexican stripper, but he may have let her have liberties with his private area... and now the rash has appeared and he is scared as you are about it... is this unforgiveable?... no you can forgive this, can you forget , never... now is why you have to look at yourself and ask.. can we get past this?... if you can answer yes to that question truthfully... then your marriage still has a hope... this will take time and understanding...and his willingness to come clean and tell all details as they are..
2006-12-23 06:04:41 · answer #9 · answered by hamesha133 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
BOTTOM LINE, is your husband essentially cheated on you, he let another women touch him. I don't think you can just ignore this. So let me see if I am understanding this; He has risked your marriage by cheating on you with a hooker aka stripper but same thing. He has also put your health at risk by possibly contracting a std. And the worse thing is he only told you when he thought there was something wrong with his rash! And then he thinks he didn't do anything wrong! Jesus Chris.
2006-12-23 06:13:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
i think he did more after the lap dance but i dont know u know him, if he did do more it sounds like he didnt want to he was just having fun and he messed up, i doubt he will do anything again cuz i think if u stay with someone that long u love them and the only way the marrige is gonna end is if someone does something stupid, but r u gonna end it because of one thing or r u gonna give him a second chance that he probably deserves, this is one of my best answers lol
2006-12-23 06:06:03 · answer #11 · answered by Antonio 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋