My wife and I have been having a rocky marriage since I caught her cheating on me with a coworker of hers 4 years ago. She wanted out of this marriage this past summer and we seperated. She decided to put some effort into saving our marriage, so I went along with it and we have been doing OK, up til now. She will go with her coworkers from work to a bar occaisonally. She stayed out til 3 am last night and I lost my cool over it. I told her she was not worth the effort. She did the same thing to me a few weeks ago, but I tried very hard to not rock the boat as we were just getting things back together. I think this is unacceptable behavior on her part, and she thinks its perfectly OK. I still have trust issues with her because of her past cheating, she has really done very little to prove she is being honest with me. I think at this point this isn't worth any effort on my part. Was I wrong for blasting her. I verbally attacted her very hard.
2006-12-23 05:50:40 · 28 answers · asked by Freddy123 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are correct Sir this behavior is inappropriate. It should not be tolerated. It seems to me that she is unwilling to do what it takes to make a healthy and happy marriage. When one is trying to re-kindle a marriage you do all the things you can to help it grow. How can you help it grow if you are not physically there?
I think it might be time to move on, OR seek serious professional help. Remember you BOTH have to want this to work for it to work, and I think her commitment level is lacking.
2006-12-23 06:06:29 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe that a married woman should stay out late, UNLESS she has told you about it prior to going. You might want to ask her about it, but only once you have cooled down. she might have a good explanation of what went on, granted most bars close at 2am. Don't over react or read too much into this, I am not sticking up for your wife, but she did come back to you after her affair which has to mean that she still loves you! Trust is something very hard to get back, (I know, I cheated on my wife) but not impossible. As for all those people that tell you that "Once a cheater, always a Cheater", don't listen to them. I am proof that they are wrong, if I can change, anybody can change. Talk to your wife in a calm manner, ask anything you need to ask and listen carefully because only then will you know if you can trust your wife again or not. Good luck!
2006-12-23 07:49:45 · answer #2 · answered by Archangel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I believe that a husband and wife should have a life outside of their marriage, I do not feel it is acceptable for this type of behavior. Especially since she has cheated before. If she truly loved you, then she wouldn't be doing the same behaviors that started the problem in the first place. If you love somebody, then you aren't supposed to continue doing the things that upset the other person. Trust me I know as I have a similar situation except we have children and not sure what to do.
Find out where she goes, then show up to "surprise" her. That will knock the wind out of her sails if she is doing something she shouldnt be. Good luck
2006-12-23 06:03:15 · answer #3 · answered by aries4771 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying out and partying woth coworkers is ok once in a while. Everybody needs a little " me" time to unwind and hang with their friends. As long as you get your "me" time also. The fact she cheated with a coworker and then says she wants out of the marriage is not a good thing. I would get marriage counselling. It doesn't sound like she wants to put alot of effort into this. Try counselling, and if that doesn't work, divorce court.
2006-12-23 06:14:35 · answer #4 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you were to have said you have a good marriage and have no reason to believe she would cheat on you then the time she came home wouldn't be such a big deal because sometimes some people have a harder time letting go of the "fun" of hanging out.But, In your case it seems like she looks at you a s some kind of push over and wants to have her cake and eat it too.She likes having you for the security of things but doesn't respect or love you and its very likely that when she drinks she turns into the bar fly chick.
Dump her butt and find someone who can respect you and what your about.'
good luck but I don't think your going to save this one.
2006-12-23 05:56:52 · answer #5 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on several things......
1. Do you go out to the bar yourself???
If so then yes, you went to far. You can not get on to her for going out and having a good time when you do!
2. Did you say mean hurtful things to her?? It is never right to say things like that to someone you love.
3. It is always best to talk to someone when you are cooled off and not yelling!! That is when you really get stuff started.
2006-12-23 06:09:30 · answer #6 · answered by Mystic 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to move on holmes. If she doesn't change then it's a problem.Unacceptable behavior. Going out to bars with coworkers is wrong especially when she cheated with a coworker. Move on.
2006-12-23 06:52:36 · answer #7 · answered by vato 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. She's your wife, there comes some responsibility with that, she cant be out partying w/o you
2. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater
3. Seriously forget about making things work b/c she doesnt seem committed at all and go find yourself someone better!
2006-12-23 06:02:01 · answer #8 · answered by Word 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do need to give her space.If you cannot trust her then you do not need to be in the relationship. Without trust relationships are dead. I personally don't think you are wrong to be upset, but since you are upset you should probably reevaluate the whole thing. You should sit down and talk about all of this with her.
2006-12-23 05:56:21 · answer #9 · answered by novae2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what you said. Regardless of your verbal attacks, she is not helping by going to a bar. No, it isn't ok for her to do that. What do you think she is doing at 3 am in the morning, playing cards!?!?! Don't be a fool!
2006-12-23 05:54:26 · answer #10 · answered by Webballs 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋