I am deployed to Iraq for a year (it's been 6 months already) and my wife has cheated on me 4 times, with two different guys, one time she was drunk and it was unprotected...but she has been checked and is clean and not pregnant. She has told me numerous times that she is sorry and wish it didn't happen, and it happened because I didn't spend enough time with her while I was home. Now I'm hurt, and I don't know if I want to continue this marriage due to some huge trust issues. My family and friends point towards divorce, but my heart says otherwise. I love my wife so much, but I don't want to live with this pain of knowing my wife has been with someone else...what should I do?
2006-12-23 05:40:58 · 17 answers · asked by chinook_army_160 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO! Dump that biatch. You do not love her. She does not love you. Get that through your head man. You deserve better after serving your country. Get with some girls and start having fun. Date around and when you're settled and back in this country, start considering a serious relationship. You need to dump your wife first and foremost. If she really was sorry, why did she do it 4 times?!?! With 2 different guys??!?! She's a sl*ut. Think about that.
2006-12-23 05:52:57 · answer #1 · answered by Sax M 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's normal! Since you have worth for your marriage and can get past the infedelity, it's ok to still want to have a life together with your Lady!
There is nothing wrong with that! I have found that many people jump to the conclusion that Divorce is the only way when it comes to Infidelity. It's not the case!
Besides, people can change, it isn't inevitable. Once you let your Wife know how she hurt you, and when you say you didn't spend enough time with her, I can tell you this is a good sign that your Love is strong and I see hope!
It's up to you if you both want Marriage Counseling, but, if you can talk out your feelings, it might be all that it takes, for your Wife to see how you feel, and you both can be ok and start over. You're a strong person and I have respect for you that you're tender about the cause of your Wife's trouble, and that you don't want to end the marriage!
God Bless you and let others see your example!
2006-12-23 05:59:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey bless you for being in Iraq and may God be with you every day. I have no idea how old your wife is but she sounds young. Don't make any hasty decisions. This is a very emotional time for you both. I am not taking her side but I can tell you that if she is young and a little immature, she is struggling with you being so far away. It is just so hard to be in that situation for both of you. You can still have a great marriage. If you forgive her and she can forgive herself, you might have a stronger marriage than you could even imagine. She didn't have to tell you about it. I think that says something for her. When you get home, the two of you should see a good marriage counselor and work things out. There are far worse things that can happen in a marriage besides infidelity. If you love each other are willing to work things out, that's the important thing. Go with your heart and God bless you both.
2006-12-23 06:01:23 · answer #3 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay sweetie, I'd like to take a stab at this dilemma. First of all, your wife is alone and lonely. This however, is not a good excuse for cheating.(There is no good excuse). It is a reason though. I am a Viet Nam vet's wife and during that time I saw alot of marriage vows fall by the wayside. I know it doesn't help to know you aren't alone in this. You probably are hurting plenty and I think it was cruel of her to tell you when you are so far away . I don't think you are in a position right now to make the decision to end your marriage or not. I think you ought to put everything on hold until you get home. Whether you decide to divorce her or not the pain will be there. As with the veterans of Viet Nam some of them worked out and some of them didn't. If you still love her you owe it to yourself to wait until you're in a better position to make that kind of decision. Thank you for all you are doing for us over there. My prayers are with you.
2006-12-23 06:02:50 · answer #4 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
COUNSELING...NOW. Your wife has made some very bad choices, and has some demons that she has to deal with. Unfortunately, you have been pulled into it, because you are married to her and love her. Coming from the "been there, done that", school (I was the one chronically cheated on), I would suggest that you get counseling for yourself; you are hurting and need to deal with it. Get counseling for the marriage; you need to see if it will survive. And most importantly, SHE NEEDS THERAPY. Even if you two don't stay together, she has a pattern of infidelity that is going to destroy any relationship she gets into, this one included. Good luck and God bless.
2006-12-23 05:54:57 · answer #5 · answered by Judy W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I am sorry that she cheated on you- second it is very normal to want to work things out, whether u will or not will be the issue when you get home-
I have a friend that went into the service and his wife cheated on him and then we he got home she eventually left him. she came back and they tried working it out again, finally he filed for divorce and now he is happier- the typical sadness of it didnt work out but no one needs to deal with the fact that their significant other is screwing other people on the side
2006-12-23 05:46:42 · answer #6 · answered by allaboutme_333 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a hard situation to be in, im there as well. I also hear from friends and family that i should leave him, but my heart pulls me in the other direction. It is very much about trusting them again, and its on us if we can. Unfortunately its not an easy thing to do, when u think what they r telling u is lies upon lies. We either have to get over it, let it go and move on with life or we have to leave. I have told my husband how i feel, and i have told him that i have to convey that to him in order for me to heal inside. He seems to understand where im coming from and he assures me that he will never do that again. He has promised me that he wants to be with me and only me, sometimes its hard to believe when i think about what he has done. But its up to us, what do we want to do? Im still working on this and unfortunately have no answers yet, its been 7mos. I want to believe him so much, but its hard to do. So far we r still together, im hoping time does its thing and either i move on with my life or make things work with him. Good luck my friend.. keep the faith.
2006-12-23 05:53:23 · answer #7 · answered by snowbunny67ss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One time is one thing, but 4 times is just a punch in the face. Your wife must have a problem with being monogomous. She could also have issues with a sex addiction. You need to divorce her and find someone who will love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
2006-12-23 05:47:46 · answer #8 · answered by Ikkin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she is placing blame on u, not addressing the real issue, that she has hurt and destroyed your trust, she needed to have more self control, and character. only thing wrong with taking her back, what will she blame it on the next time, sure she wishes it hadn't happened, but she isn't exactly taking responsibility for it, her asking for forgiveness is sort of smug and half hearted, with her not willing to take responsibility, instead it is thrown back on u. trust isn't something that u can just get back easily, takes alot of hard work on the part of the person who did the injustice, not the innocent party. doesn't matter how much time u spent with her, isn't about that, it's about someone who has no self control, or character. its about someone who shifts the blame onto the injured party, while trying to skirm out of taking blame or seeking your forgiveness any way she can. i would move on sometimes we have to leave a situation, for our own sanity. seems to me if she really wanted forgiveness she would be willing to own up to it, and stop blaming it on something that isn't really the reason. good luck
2006-12-23 05:53:52 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mister you have a tough nut to crack. I mean a tough one. You may have six months to go but uncle Sam may change his mind. [he has a track record of that] So you communicate with your wife then tell her that she is not allowed to comment on anything other than life in general and never mention her infidelity. When you get state side deal with it then. Or just have your pay put in another account and ignore her. Incidentally, that war is not going to be over in six months. So keep your head in the sand.
2006-12-23 05:50:24 · answer #10 · answered by veerfish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋