he is a drunk and never has money my freakin mom supports me and my children but i just love him to death but cant live like this anymore he stays oout days at a time any good suggestions how i can tell him get out and i am serious?please help
2006-12-23 04:54:10 · 21 answers · asked by subbysbaby 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When he leaves for days, change the locks and put his things out. Tell him you did tell him, in his drunken stupor he forgot.
2006-12-23 05:00:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. Your mother should not be supporting you, unless you are physically disabled and CAN NOT work. You are a grown woman with children who need you. Get to work. 2. Find your own identity........When you figure out what you like to do get to work. Get out in the community. Supporting your self and your children will give you your identity and sense of respect that no man will ever give you. 3. File for a divorce. Call the County courthouse where you live and make an appointment with the family law facilitator. In some cases there are people that will walk you through getting your own divorce. 4. Become independent.......The best feeling in your life.....you will never be happy truly until you find your own self and who you are.
I am sorry for your trauma,,,,I have been divorced three times. The last one I did on my own,,,,,,
I am now since single seven years. I have worked very hard, become independent, and made long loving friendships,,,I have never been happier. A couple years ago while going through some counseling, I made a list of the person I felt was good for me. A list of qualities of a man whom I knew would be right in my life....I met him one month ago,,,,he is the best! You will hurt for a while,,,,,but you will succeed.
Happy holidays and blessings to you and kids.
2006-12-23 05:11:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of a man is he if he can not look after his and his families needs? How can he survive on the support of his mom-in-law. and how can u be in love with an idiot who is good for nothing when it comes to look after his family and stays drunk and out of home for days together? r u out of ur mind? he is using u as a sex machine and ur mom as a ATM machine where he does not need even an ATM card.
Well there r instances where such guys have changed, but not always. ask him to go to a rehab centre to get rid of this drinking habit. if he is also in love with u, let him prove it like a man. if he not ready to give up this habit, what obligation do u think u have to keep supporting him?
move in with ur mom and dont let him in even if he comes unless he has got rid of this habit and is capable of looking after his family. Chances are he will make an effort if he loves u and the kids and if he does not do so, what more proof do u want? Just walk out of this mess. Bear the pain once rather than suffer the whole life.
Good luck
2006-12-23 05:09:32 · answer #3 · answered by Sumit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell the punk to take a hike, no one deserves to put up with this crap. I wouldn't have anything to do with the jerk until he can bring you 6 months of sobriety. then and only then would i even consider giving him a break at continuing the relationship.
Given the fact he's a drunk, it's doubtful he will grow up and act like a real man and fix his problem.
My daughter was married to one just like him, took her 6 years of her life being miserable before she kicked the jerk out and moved home.
It's been 3 years now, she's graduated college, has a great job, and is happy for the first time in her adult life.
2006-12-23 06:05:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's love got to do with it? The master plan must be in place before you make your move. Make sure you have a means of financial support to fulfill the needs of your children. Get yourself a temporary apartment or you might be able to move in with your parents. Yes, you need to move out, as he is too comfortable with the current living arrangements and probably feels that you will never leave him. When all is in place, secretly move out (hopefully somewhere close to a school). Finally, call your in-laws and inform them that you have moved and for them to go and rescue their son. You should have already obtained an attorney and proceedings are on the way (with dependent children, the State of CA will award you the home and spousal/child support) . Hopefully you have a job. When he realizes that you are gone and will no longer stand for his behavior, he might snap out of it and get with the program. Sorry that you must take these steps, but you have children who need a responsible parent and it might as well be a single-parent like yourself, who has a clear mind! My prayers are with you, but you must do what needs to be done. Don't sit around crying and moping... you need to make a move!
2006-12-23 05:32:03 · answer #5 · answered by Ms-No-It-All 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Serious is as serious does. Since he drinks DO not confront him in your home. Go to a lawyer and have him make up a seperation agreement/ with a possible divorce to follow. Since you love him, but cannot live this way.It will give him the option to rethink his life and decide what is most important. Drinking or his family. Go and stay with a family member until he is served and he must move out of your home. Get the paper for one year seperation. In the meantime make a life of your own. If he does not get help for his drinking then get the divorce and move on. Who knows years from now he could change. And if he gets visitation with the kids, be sure and let the court know that they are not to get a car with him since he drinks. You are looking out for their safety. He must get a job to support his family, get help for his drinking. I know how hard it is when you love them, but isn't it nice to like them too. At this point you don't even like him. give it and yourself 6 months. If no change get the divorce and move on to more stable life for you and your childern. Good luck
2006-12-23 05:27:06 · answer #6 · answered by Marilyn M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well for one thing grow up, you can not really love someone like that unless you are stupid and for another why would your mom put up with him for a second, where does he get the $$$ for his booze.
hello stupid people it is your life, change the locks on all the doors make sure the windows are locked right, have his things all packed up and by the door and when the drunk idiot shows up tell him through the door that as long as he is a drunk he is not welcome around you or the children the do not let him in and call the cops when he does and they will make him leave.
2006-12-23 05:03:08 · answer #7 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well let him know this is not going ot work. If you can moved in with your mother it will save her money. Then get yourself organized. Get your life started for you and those children dont let him moved back in. If is is gone days at a time he is having sex that can come home and haunt you in the future. Let him work out his trouble on his own. Love is strong but that kind of love is wrong
2006-12-23 05:12:25 · answer #8 · answered by Nmatt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He gets drunk and comes home because he knows YOU will be there! Don't be there! Go to moms and stay. Open yourself up for a better man! yes there are men out there that will love you and your children.It will take about 6 mos for you to realize how much better off you are! And when your happy your kids will be happy! If you stay w/ him you deprive your kids of a real family!
2006-12-23 05:15:46 · answer #9 · answered by lilkismet73 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard when children are involved. However, do you think it is healthy for the child to see thier daddy drunk all of the time? I grew up with alcoholic parents and I can tell you I have alot of bad childhood memories. If you really want to make it work you need to put your foot down. Make him go get professional help. If he doesn't want to, kick his *** out until he does. It's called tough love. Yes marriage vows say in sickness and in health but you also have to think about what your child is seeing as he grows up. If he loves you he will get the help he needs.
2006-12-23 05:05:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get a restraing order. Lock the door. See him in court. Love has nothing to do with it. You already have nothing. You only have to gain. At least you are starting from somewhere. Maybe if he sees you getting your act together he'll come around. And then love can have something to do with it. Until then don't give in or it will never change.
2006-12-23 05:12:20 · answer #11 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋