We got married 11 years and it was not a very perfect marriage as I started giving him my whole salary as I never felt that money should be an issue between husband and wife .We made a house by my getting loan from office and till that time he was good that way till now we did not shift to new house and are with in laws but from last one year I found his behaviour was changed and
he was blaming me on my bad character ,on stealing things from home beating and abusing me and .Though he knows that he has taken my whole salary for the last 11 years now I have caught him twice that he has given ring to call girls and so I stopped giving him my salary and he throwed me out of house along with my two kids -girl 9 years and boy-5 years .now i am staying with my parents .He is saying that he is ready to go and stay in new home but i will have to spend some part of my salary i just do not know should i take another chance or throw him out of my life
2006-12-23 04:42:16 · 55 answers · asked by DOLLYKUMAR 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dump him! Learn english, and move on!
2006-12-24 23:59:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that the housing loan was on your name, so I presume the house is in your name too? So legally he cannot throw you out of that house, can he?
If I were you, I would have taken the hints a long time ago and would have left him for good and yes, got him arrested for beating!
I know it is difficult when you have kids, but your kids are old enough to understand how their father treated you. The fact that he did not care to keep the children says enough about his character! Do you really believe your kids shoudl be growing in the shadow of a wife-beater??
Of course it is your decision but I don't think people like him deserve any chance.
But if you do want to give him a chance, you will have to have more control of what you earn.
Make sure the house in your name too (if it does'nt), and decide beforehand what bills who will pay. In that way, your money is at least not spent on his phone calls.
And the kids are his responsibility too, make sure he knows that.
All the best, hope everything works out for you this new year!!
2006-12-23 05:28:54 · answer #2 · answered by cool_cancer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey have u not heard the saying 'once bitten twice shy"? or something like that? You apparently gave ur whole salary to him for 11 yrs. Good that you had those feeings of having no personal money. it would have been a real solid foundation stone for ur married life if the guy was a genuine man. However ur saying that he has been spending ur hard earned money on call gals shows that he did not deserve may be a single penny of what u earned.
Apparently the house that u have built is in ur name as u have taken loan from ur office. Dont let the son of a ***** set his foot in it. first of all secure it properly so that he can not even go near it. no husband worth his salt will beat a good wife and assuming that you have been good, he deseves a sound boxing of his ears.
However from your post its not clear why his behaviour changed only from last year. has he come to get the possession of the house since last year? or was it only last year that u caught him spending money on call gals? what was the trigger for this change of behaviour?
I hope u have support of ur parents. if they are supportive, stay with them, file for a divorce on grounds of cruelty and physical and mental torture, ask for refund of your earnings that u have given him and seek a complete possession of the house. Look after your children and see how things turn out. i am sure he and his parents will come running to u as soon as the heat is turned on them. at that stage if you are convinced that he has changed for good definitely, u can think of going back. But never never trust him to handover your full earnings and possession of the house property. if there is any social pressure on you from ur parents or anyone else, insist on the property being transferred in ur and ur children's names with a proviso that u will be the sole decision maker in this regard on behalf of ur children. Also dont let urself be completely removed from ownership of the assets that have been created through your income. Tomorrow even the children might prove selfish and turn against you. Hence u must secure ur future before taking any other decision.
Good luck
2006-12-23 04:58:57 · answer #3 · answered by Sumit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you take this man back you can look forward to a future of just what it has been. If he took all your paychecks......gave a nice ring to a call girl......and beats you up....those you out of the house when you stop the money.... it is a pretty good guess there is only one reason he keeps you around. Your money.
He does not love or respect you. There is clearly no reason to take this man back. If you like the beatings and the uncertainty of what he will do next then sure take him back. But your time and money would be much better spent on finding a man that you can trust and who will love you....not your money.
2006-12-23 05:01:47 · answer #4 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a divorce, take the kids, take your house and start a new life.
He is an abuser who preys on your insecurities and good nature to make you feel like you owe him something. You don't. You didn't owe him the last 11 years of salary, and you owe him nothing now.
He should pay child support, etc. Get a good lawyer, document the cheating and beating, and you will get all of that. Until you stand up for yourself your never going to find a good healthy relationship.
2006-12-23 04:47:16 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
God helps those who help themselves..I pity you..its a price you have paid for being good to him always,but its never to late..
They say a woman's revenge is bad!!Show him a trailer..if you are from India the law of the land is very pro women..Book him under Harassment and sue him for taking all your money..This will level him out and sit on the tables with your terms and work out a settlement.
Well without any prejudice..if you take a chance on him again..it would be a big mistake and you would be messing your children & your life again.
Get a Life woman & the well being of your children..
Learn to let go..n learn to live again as a normal person!!
Luck n Cheers..Happy 2007
2006-12-23 06:13:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That you are asking the question in this way shows that you already know the answer but are reluctant to go through with it.
You may have legal rights requiring protection, in which case it would be wise to find a lawyer.
If you are worried about being unable to pay a lawyer, consider approaching community groups to help you. They may be able to help you find a family law clinic. They may also be able to assist you with other needs, and connect you with people who can assist your children as well.
There are some resources online which may assist you. A google search using the name of your city and the words 'abused women' will point you to some of them.
This must be a difficult time for you all. Best of luck.
2006-12-23 04:58:44 · answer #7 · answered by versus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What was it Ivana Trump said when she divorced Donald? Don't get even, get everything..
He beats you, takes your money, accuses you of stealing and paying hookers and you want to know if he deserves another chance????
He's already wasted 11 years of your life, why give him a chance to waste any more. Get a good divorce lawyer and move on with your life. You need to be a stronger role model for your children. Do you want your daughter growing up to think it's okay if a man beats on her? Kids learn what they see.. I wish you the best of luck and that you have the strength to get through this.
2006-12-23 04:56:40 · answer #8 · answered by sassydontpm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your post was very hard to read.
To better help you. First.. Who's name is the new house in? You say you got the loan? Then you have the right to move yourself and your kids into that house and boot his butt out onto the street.
As for him abusing you you need to call the police, get yourself a pfa and protect yourself and your kids from this abusers. Your husband sounds nuts. Protect your children at least if your not willing to protect yourself.
Unless your husband is willing to go through some serious counseling to help him with his anger and abuse issues I would not give him a second chance. This is not a lifestyle your kids need to grow up in. They will learn that this is acceptable behavior if you allow it. If you have son he will grow up to be an abuser and if you have a daughter she will grow up to think its okay for a man to hit her. Good luck to you and your family and seek some counseling fast.
2006-12-23 04:49:34 · answer #9 · answered by Issym 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Dear..
If he has ever hit you....DON'T EVER GO BACK TO HIM!!!!!!
Your children do NOT need to grow up in a house where violence is a part of the picture. They do not need to see this as a possible lifestyle choice. Do you want your son to grow up to beat his wife, or your daughter to seek out a man who beats her?? Of course not.
Staying with a man who beats you is definitely increasing the odds that these things will happen, however.
Stay with your mother for now, spend you money on your kids. Divorce your husband, and make him pay child support. Then you can get a house of your own.
Good luck with all of this, I've been in your son's shoes. It's a terrible place to be.
Namaste,
--Tom
2006-12-23 04:48:10 · answer #10 · answered by glassnegman 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi..another typical wife problem. Most of us working females face this horrible situation in life. First of all ...understand your husband fully. He is ready to call you back with real respect and love then go back to him as your children need his support in the society. It is very very difficult to manage without a husband next to you. This society will take utter advantage of you if you are single. But if you feel he will not change at all and will still continue to spend on call girls..continue to beat you...abuse you...better send him out of your life. At least you can give more respectable life to your kids. But keep this option of 'throwing him out' as the last option as the relationship between a husband and a wife is too strong to just to stop at one shot. It is God made..so think and take any step keeping even your children's future in mind...Gud luck..May God bless you.
2006-12-24 18:52:35 · answer #11 · answered by Saheli 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋