Last month 14 yo daughter Amanda came home late again. Told her she was grounded for month, no phone, internet or TV. She cried and begged us for anything else, even a spanking. We told her she is too old, but then she mouthed off so her mom spanked her! nothing much, little more than a dozen smacks with a wooden spoon over her jeans. I still grounded her.
She gave us cold shoulder for a few days and said she was very embarrassed, was treated like 5 y.o. and told mom spanking didn't hurt! Mom told her next time she gets it from me (Dad) and she will get it good! Amanda said there is no way I would ever do that (2 years since last did), I replied I wouldn't be so sure of that. She turned 4 shades of red and apologized to us and became very polite. However, same thing happened again. Amanda mouthed off, we reminded her, she blushed and became polite.
How many more chances to give? when I was her age I would have really gotten it by now. Would like to avoid.
2006-12-23 04:40:44 · 22 answers · asked by O'Shea 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
To those who said the 1 month grounding is harsh...please note the "again" in "came home late again"...it was hardly the first time and she had been warned with lesser punishments.
She was the one who "asked" for the spanking in the first place and seems to be "daring" us to do it again. The embarrassment factor seems to be what she really responds to.
2006-12-23 13:06:37 · update #1
I am 13 and I mouth off, but my parents have been really consistant and I am scared to talk to them dis respectfully. Just stay consistant with you punishments but if it starts getting worst then make the punishment a step worse. Consistensy is most important it grills it into your brain that your parents mean business. Girls my age seem to be more obedient by dad though. We feel like we have a better chance with our mom. When dad's use their deep voice and point that finger at you and threaten then you know that the party is over. Trust me...
2006-12-23 06:33:28 · answer #1 · answered by Kayley W 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
If you're gonna give a spanking then do it, and not with a wooden spoon over jeans. That doesn't even hurt. Don't listen to people who say don't spank or that she is too old, that's a bunch of crap. 14 is NOT too old. But non-painful spankings are useless and a form of abuse in itself, because it's not really any different than if you were to push her to the ground, just because you're older and big enough to do it. A spanking is a specific act and the child easily understands it's for a purpose and not a lesson in violence as some would want you to believe. Of course she would react very negatively, but you can't let that stop you. The real problem is the lack of respect for authority and if you don't fix that she will have real problems. I know for my sisters it was dress up and panties down, and it was super-rare for that reason. For the boys it wasn't even a controversy, lol. Also, grounding for a whole month and so completely is too much for any young person IMO and it doesn't give you much ability to ratchet up the punishment if need be. They need to get out and be with other people and interact and see the world around them. Best of luck, however.
2006-12-23 06:03:12 · answer #2 · answered by The Scorpion 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow, I'm glad my parents were never like that.. I would have been dead by age 16. Thats a little harsh, just because she was late. To a teenager, a month without TV, Internet or phone is like hell. You really shouldn't be that strict. I know some people say that if you take away what a teen cares about then they'll learn. But thats not completely true. If your that harsh she wont learn a damn thing, she'll just be thinkin about how upset she is at you instead of what she did wrong. And thats the truth. My parents raised me to earn things. You should have actually sat down and talked to her about the consequences of her actions not just thrown them at her.
And the old days (when all of our parents grew up) was a totally different time. They didnt have the stresses that life does today. I know a lot of parents laugh or just dont care, but its true when u hear people sayin that life is harder on teens these days. Its not a simple. There's so much more to it.
Honestly, I believe every parent should educate themselves in Psychology. My dad was a Psychologist and I think that helped a lot. Cause he didn't spend his time or energy yelling or punishing me. He spent it talking to me, helping me understand why i was being punished. Thats the way to get through to your kids. Believe it or not, if you talk to them like human beings, they will listen. Good Luck.
2006-12-23 08:25:13 · answer #3 · answered by Ash420Granito 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sometimes a good old fashion spanking is what they need. I have a 15 year old son and a 16 year step daughter. Ive tried the grounding thing sometimes months at a time.At times they tend to back talk, ill warn them once next time its a slap in the face. You tend to get weary of their disrespect and so the only thing left is a good whippin on the behind. Teens tend to think that once they turn a certain age they are untouchable. You need to show them who is the parent and who is the child.
2006-12-23 05:39:54 · answer #4 · answered by Baby boy blue 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
When a kid becomes a teenager hormones start to activate in their brains that tells them that they are always right, and to stand up for their "rightness." Thus they mouth off. Then these hormones tell these kids that the world revolves around them, causing the bossiness. Then the hormones make the kids thing their lives suck, their parents are mean, sex is awesome, etc etc. By the way...I got all of this just off of the questions on Yahoo Answers. Whether or not I was like that when I was a teenager...ha.
2016-05-23 01:54:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It always hurts worse (metally) getting a spanking from dad. I'm 19 and trust me when moms fusses and grounds you to a daughter it means nothing unless the dad does it and spanks you and let her know how upset you are that she isnt listening to you. Tell her to respect you in your house and your rules and if she didnt like it she could leave. Of course that scared me and I cried because my daddy was upset with me not because of the spanking
2006-12-23 04:49:32 · answer #6 · answered by lorisbarbie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Give her more responsibilities, obviously she wants to feel like an adult but with the advantages of being "taken care of". There are many places now, mostly fast food, that with a working permit will allow children to get a job. Have her take on an after school job and let her know if she wants the luxuries of being an adult she can contribute her pay to groceries, gas that you use to take her places and all that. Teach her to balance her own checkbook and get on her about doing her homework (after all, in the real world of adults, we all know when we get a job we have deadlines to meet or our boss will get on top of us like our parents did in our youth).
Have her clean her room, make her bed, cook her own breakfast, make her own lunch, do her own laundry, etc. I promise, this is a nightmare to any teen and is much harder than grounding, only thing is with this, they come out appreciating their parents and what they have a heck of a lot more.
I know, my parents did this to me.
2006-12-24 13:17:01 · answer #7 · answered by mirmade13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just spank her! I'm 13, and i wouldn't even get to once before my AMA-AMA (grandmother) was across the room beating me up like some kind or wrestler! so, tell her one more time, and you have to say it again, just smack her real hard, she'll get the message!
she is just a kid, and we dint understand sometimes we are wrong, and you guys (parents/guardians) can be right some times=)
but don't go overboard with punishment because then she will rebel and not like you guys so much (=most parents are not worried about being friends with their kids, but it helps to be sometimes =)
and don't be so nice! my grandmother would make me pull my pants down and slap me into next Tuesday! not thru jeans, you gotta make it hurt or she wont get it! and when she says it doesn't hurt, make her know how it feels when it hurts! she is just trying to get attention!
2006-12-23 07:04:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You grounded her for a month for coming home late?
I mean, I can understand if it was a constant problem, but coming home late one time? That's just stupid.
And no, you shouldn't be spanking your fourteen year old, and embarrassment should NEVER be used as a form of punishment.
So, don't listen to anyone who tells you that she isn't too old for spanking. That's a load of crap. =)
No wonder she mouths off to you two.
2006-12-23 06:16:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Just tell her if she doesn't want to be treated like a child than she should act like an adult. tell her if she wants to be treated with respect tell her she has to give respect to get it. and tell her that her apologizing is not working no more because she can't keep it. take what she likes away and don't give in to her, no matter how mad she gets. and remind her thats shes an adult and not a 5 year old. and that she should have respect for her parents and not yell back. good luck. but at that age they think they know it all.and as far as im concern you gave her all the chances that she deserves.
2006-12-23 04:47:16 · answer #10 · answered by misty blue 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋