happy. He has had problems with drinking in the past and recently. It has started to cause him to get into trouble at work, not just at home as of late. He insists he does not have a drinking problem, but that he just made bad choices each time something has happened. The other day he called me very angry and brought up something that happened in the past when we almost seperated as a result of his drinking and he is blaming me completely! As if I make him drink! He is overseas now and recently had a close call with drinking that would have cost us to lose money for a few months, possibly. (He is in the military). I do not work only because we agreed we could afford for me to go to college full time. Now I am starting to not feel secure in this relationship and truly do not know what to do. I recently moved to the state he is from with the agreement that if I did not like it, he would consider moving somewhere else. He has changed his mind and says he will not move anywhere else
2006-12-23 04:30:35 · 23 answers · asked by Dolphin73 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds like you should start making plans for a new life without him.....it will only get worse...good luck
2006-12-23 04:33:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear lady i have yet to come across a guy with drinking problem admitting that he has this problem. The so called denial phase is infact a permanent phase of heavy drinkers or drunkards- whatever word u wish to use. the military providing liquor at low cost and an environment conducive to drinking by bachelors is partly responsible for a large number of army people having the drinking problem. Of course i am not trying to cast any aspersions on the forces. its just a fact that there are lots of young officers inarmy who have this problem.
U say ur not happy. that is the most vital fact in this instance. why does a gal marry? to be happy or unhappy? I presume that since u r not working and seem to be busy with some studies, u dont have any kids. Thank ur stars and the God for this. Otherwise instead of u alone, even ur children would have been suffering from the consequences of his habit and behaviour.
You have two options dear lady. first is that u help this man in getting rid of the problem. INvolve his parents, ur parents and his friends and may be his superiors in such a way that it does not hurt his pride directly and see to it that he goes in for rehab. This is a long route and may be quite painfull and success is not guaranteed.
the second route is find a job to support urself and walk out of this mess. Again it might be painful to begin with but it sure will solve ur problem vis a vis this guy. Of course u can find some better person in due course of time and start ur life afresh. So the choice is yours. are u ready to work with this stubborn guy who goes back on his word very quickly and take a chance to change him? or take the shorter route of feeling the pain once and forgetting him like a bad dream?
Take a cool calculated decision. Do consult ur family also as u might need their support in either case.
Good luck
2006-12-23 13:23:41 · answer #2 · answered by Sumit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all, coming from an alcoholic parent, your husband definitely has a problem and right now is in denial about it. He needs to figure it out now before he loses everything in order to make him realize his life is not in the bottle.
Also, why are you the only one making concessions? He is the one with the problem, but you are the one being blamed and made to suffer.
It sounds as if you did not learn enough about him before you got married. Yall have been together four years but married for at least three of them. How much time transpired before meeting to marriage cuz it could not have been more than 6-9 months.
You might want to rethink things because he is making all of the demands and your life is the one in shambles. The road he is taking you down with his drinking will end your marriage anyway if he does not stop denying the fact that he does have a drinking problem.
2006-12-23 12:40:05 · answer #3 · answered by â¤??? ?å???? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until your husband admits he has a drinking problem, it will only get worse. He also sounds like a control freak. You can't work and move only to where he says? That doesn't sound right to me. Just don't blame yourself for everything. What you need to do is get a job and be more independent in the event you two split. If you don't feel secure about this relationship, I suggest getting out of it. You deserve a better life.
2006-12-23 12:41:16 · answer #4 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! heavy! here's the good part. u didn't mention any kids so i'm assuming u don't have any. u need to begin to prepare yourself to leave him NOW! put school on hold and find a job. if he protests let him know that you can not afford to risk being put out in the cold because he's being irresponsible. so your gonna work full time and take a class or 2 part time. as long as he's handlin his business u just stash your bread in a separate account and continue to evaluate the relationship and whether or not u wanna continue living where u are now. give it say another 6 months. at that point if he hasn't stopped actin a fool u should have enough bread saved to move out and file for a divorce. u also wanna start takin the pill if u aren't already. definitely NOT the time to get pregnant. TOO MUCH TURMOIL
2006-12-23 12:43:00 · answer #5 · answered by feetal2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK kiddo here is what you do, find some Al Anon meetings this will help believe it or not. the people in there have been and some are going through the same things you are.
start a savings account with your name only on it.
start to put money in it.
never cover up his drinking, never lie about it.
I guess you do not have kids so don't,
he may come around and realize he has a problem but do not count on it. blaming others is how the justify there behavior.
2006-12-23 12:48:16 · answer #6 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An alcoholic, which he sounds like he is, listens to no one but the devil in the bottle. If you love him enough to suffer, get help for him if he wants to fight. But if you don't love him enough to go through the pain, make a clean break now. My dad ruined his marriage and his life with the bottle, and anyone who made the mistake of caring for him paid with pieces of their heart. He's using you (as shown by his broken promise about moving you to his state). He's in denial about his problem, blaming you and bad fortune for it. Know that he can't stop drinking, at this point, any more than he could make himself stop breathing air. He needs help, and if you stay with him, you'll need help of a different kind as well. God help you and him. The very best wishes to you.
2006-12-23 12:37:22 · answer #7 · answered by David W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time for you to get at least a part-time job and put away some money for an emergency. He is not going to change unless he admits he has a drinking problem. Unfortunately that seldom happens until it is too late to save the job and marriage.
2006-12-23 12:34:42 · answer #8 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds as if he is going back on his word, and if he is not willing to admit to a drinking problem than he isn't going to be willing to do anything about it. u are right to feel insecure, he seems to say one thing and than changes it all around to suite him. it is so easy to blame the other partner for problems that he is actually causing, called not being accountable or owning up to things. i would start saving my money just in case things do not turn out the way you think they should. always be prepared financially and emotionally for the worst, too bad u can't feel safe and trust, that this seems to keep happening in the marriage.
2006-12-23 12:45:29 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps it's time to do an intervention. He obviously has a drinking problem and he needs help. Have you talked to family members/close friends about his behavior? If worse comes to worse you also might consider talking to his superior officer. Get everyone on board and get him into rehab/AA. I'm sure if his commanding officer knew what was going on due to the alcohol he'd be more than willing to help with the intervention.
2006-12-23 12:34:14 · answer #10 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said u are not happy,thats the most important thing,u should be happy,everyone deserves to be happy.U should give ur husband an altominoum-he either make some changes or u are gone. If He loves u i'm sure he will do something.u have to let him know u r serious,alot of guys usually have this way of thinking,that we can't make it on our own.I'm not saying u should give up on the marriage,but if it come to it that u have to go,u should be able to tell urself that u have done everything u can to make it work,it just wasn't meant to be.good luck.
2006-12-23 12:48:46 · answer #11 · answered by pacific30 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋