My problem is I dont want to lose her and my 3 kids they mean the world to me. I am willing to do what ever it takes to get them back in my life. She isnt working with me at all she says she has no boy friend and I believe her. I just cant figure out why she wont try and seek help with me. not just for us but our kids are suffering more than they should. She has a restraing order against me so I cant even talk to them this is a bad time of the year for this is there anyway i can win back there love or am i screwed? I dont want to lose my family I screwed up and I want to fix it can anyone help?
2006-12-23 04:07:03 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
its a long story what i did is grabed her cheeks and squeesed them and i pushed her down in front of the kids. I know im wrong and im trying to get help and in the past i have been more agressive. but one thing I can say is that i have never hurt my kids you can count on one hand how many times i have spanked them I think she has not been perfict either im going to be paying for a long time for her faults.but i can put them behind me if she would come back to me
2006-12-23 13:34:18 · update #1
If she was able to obtain a restraining order against you then you probably did something wrong.
2006-12-23 04:08:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Please understand this is in a friendly spirit. I'm not sure your family really does mean the world to you, "California Swinging Couple," after reading your question history where you ask about where to find people for fun, and then later get all mistrustful about finding passwords, steaming open letters, and electronic monitoring. I don't judge you or what you do for fun, but surely you're not surprised if your marriage has rotted from the inside out. As the other letter writers pointed out, the restraining order is also significant -- you must have done something she could show a judge that convinced the judge that you are a danger to her or the children. It's a long shot, but IF you really want them back, you've got to go a long road and fix whatever issue drove her away (and you didn't tell us what that was), enough so it's obvious (to that same judge) that you've changed -- and even then it might not work. I'm sorry for you. Bummer that it happened at the Christmas season, but there will be more sad Christmases before there's another happy family Christmas, and that's the grim truth. Best of luck and God's help to you, friend.
2006-12-23 04:32:09 · answer #2 · answered by David W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your question is just about impossible to address, because all you have said is that you screwed up and want to fix it. You don't say how you "screwed up" or anything about why she would take out a restraining order against you. Women do not usually take out restraining orders against a spouse or anybody else, unless they feel they are being stalked, or hounded by that person, or been in some way abused. Also, best I know, when somebody wants a restraining order against a person, they have to go before a judge, and the "restrainee" has to go to court to that hearing, so that he gets his chance to say his own piece and defend his position The judge then grants the request where he feels, from what he has heard, that more likely than not it is justified. Because you don't give any explanation of either the restraining order, or what you describe as your "screw up" ,there isn't any way for anyone here on Q&A to know the whole story.
I would suggest that you might want to re-submit your question with a lot more detail.
2006-12-23 04:22:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down in a quiet place and think over your 23 yrs together. Then think about the last 6 mos to a year. What is different. Have you abused her in anyway? the kids? It isn't that easy to just go and get a restraining order against a spouse without reason and if there is domestic abuse that is documented by the police and court system..that could be why.
If you truly know why she left then think about the remedies. If she stuck it out with you 23 years, there is a possibility that some couples counseling or if you are at fault due to abuse of some kind, counseling for you. Offer to work with her to get things back to where they should be.
No woman leaves a 23 yr relationship, let alone an 18 yr old marriage with kids without reason......
2006-12-23 04:14:35 · answer #4 · answered by Mudder/ Gi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you were abusive to her. Did you beat her up....is that what you did wrong?
You have to know there has to be a good reason to obtain a restraining order. She clearly feels threatened by you.
Instead of getting her back and then seeking help why don't you do that for yourself. Go to a counselor or someone you can tell everything to and talk it out. If you have been abusive.....FIND OUT WHY. If that is not the problem then find out what is.
A woman will not run aways from her husband and take the kids without a good reason. So we are left to believe.....when you leave out so many details.....that the problem is with you.
Get help. If your abusive.....drink to much....drugs.....trouble with the law....what ever it may be something in your background made you this way. First become the kind of husband she thought she married and she will come back.
Even if she doesn't come back please do it for you and for any other woman that will come into your life. You cannot imagine how happy you will be when they look at you with love and not fear. For truly that is what life is all about.
2006-12-23 04:50:15 · answer #5 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what you did but it must have put her over the edge. The first thing is are your kids ok? The second thing is don't be so worried about the relationship as she has already gone in a different direction. If I were you and you truly love her and your kids (ask her to go to counseling to to if you can repair the damage) tell her you'll do whatever it takes to make it good then show her by humbling yourself and being as strong as you can to let her see you can change and be good for you and her (the kids are secondary here). This is a trying time you are going through believe me I know. This is going to show you what kind of man you really are; I want to tell you though that only time will tell what is going to happen so reach down from within and be as good to her and your kids without kissing her A_s. I truly wish you the best and I sympathize what you're going through. Merry Christmas and try not to worry to much about what you can't control. Go and see a therapist if you need help sorting things out.
2006-12-23 04:39:46 · answer #6 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have been a real rat for a long time, and you and she have not communicated needs for a long time, either. I don't answer a ton of these, but maybe, hon, some insight here might help. Feel free to ask other questions, or fill me in further. I'm actually quite good at this.
Perhaps you two missed what marriage really is: And I think it is Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust, with a whole lot of lovies, communication, caring, creating a loving enviornment in which to raise your children, time together, ability to resolve difference without rage,(very important) avoiding resentment,(also way up there in importance) time apart, hobbies, friends, parties, and nice times. And things like marriages wear out -- just like cars, tires, teeth, and everything else, unless you do some preventive maintainance. Look at the list..... you probably really forgot that you were married, and each of you took the other for granted, until that is all each of you saw in the other...... resentment... the real killer of marriages. If you betrayed her, ("I screwed up"? is this betrayal -- another lady?), then you have the real deal-buster in a marriage..acutally the only deal-buster.. trust erodes, and the rest of it gets flushed. But if you did not, and your marriage is just tired, your only hope is counseling, and realize that there is no guarantee. You two must rediscover each other, and if she is unwilling, absolutely and positively unwilling, you are out of luck.
I wish you the best, hon. almost everything is repairable, if both wish....
2006-12-23 04:34:19 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean you can't figure out why she won't try again? The woman has a restraining order against you, for pete's sake! What was behind her decision to go to court and get a restraining order? That should provide an easy answer. And by the way, obey the restraining order or you might have an even worse time of year because you'll be spending it in jail.
2006-12-23 04:29:20 · answer #8 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your right that this is a crappy time of year to lose your relationship with your wife and kids. However it sounds like you must have done something perhaps unforgivable if she has a restraining order not only against her but your children also. Maybe there is some form of counseling that you can take to help improve your lot in life or maybe you can show your wife that you are truly sorry for your indiscretions. Whatever happens it sounds like you made your own bed and as such are going to have to sleep in it. Best of luck and I do hope that if possible that you can restore what was once a happy marriage.
2006-12-23 04:13:56 · answer #9 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's quite a horrible situation but sometimes when things our strained and patience runs out, you can't care anymore. That's probably what your wife is going through.
Its horrible that she was allowed to actually restrain you from having visibility with your kids, so I'm guessing you did some damage on your end.
My suggestion would be to just let time heal this wound and get help for yourself right now because that's all you can do at this point.
In time if you make progress to prove to be a better person, she will come around. Maybe not wanting you back, but having a stable relationship with you for the kids.
2006-12-23 04:13:17 · answer #10 · answered by HellaFied Mama 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she has a restraining order you need to abide by the rules. Don't smother her right now. She needs the room to see how she feels when you are not there.
You don't mention what you did, but it must have been bad. You may need to face the prospect of her never taking you back. It would be best for you to give her at least a week between communications. That way you can work on getting yourself straightened out before making things worse.
2006-12-23 04:10:34 · answer #11 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋