In regards to you and some of your friends going to a Dude Ranch for a hoiday....?

Question

Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 or more that includes these phrases?
1. Ride 'em, cowboy.
2. You do NOT look like John Wayne...more like Woody Allen.
3. I'm a little, shall we say......saddle sore.
4. Now what would Matt Dillon and Festus Haggen do in a situation like this?
5. I'll meet YOU in the bunkhouse,cowboy!!
6. Let's see if we can replicate the opening scene to "Bonanza."

Answer 1

'There are two ways I can say this Seannie' I said to my best friend on our return from our first morning riding on the Dude Ranch known as the B-Bar-B, where we were spending ten days. 'And what are they Paddy' Seannie asked. 'One is I'm a little, shall we say....saddle sore and two is - I have a large painful donkey' I replied. 'You what?' he asked. 'I have a very big sore a*ss, I'll meet you in the bunkhouse, cowboy' I replied as I dragged myself to the bunkhouse where I flopped onto the lower bunk. I cannot fully remember, but I honestly think I was fast asleep before my head hit the pillow. That delay at the airport on Christmas Eve hadn't helped nor the New Years party. I slept like a new baby and although I know I had dreams, I was too tired to remember them. I don't remember how long I was asleep but the shout from the doorway had me wide awake in a split second. It was our 'minder' who liked to be called John Wayne, he had let us know on our arrival. Seannie, never one to hold his tongue, came out with the classic 'You do not look like John Wayne - more like Woody Allen - you gobshite' (the obscenity muttered under his breath).
The noise from the doorway brought me quickly back to reality 'Right you trio of tinhorns, lets see if we can replicate the opening scene to 'Bonanza' shouted the minder. 'Right' said Seannie 'here we go then 'den,diddle den, diddle den, diddle den, den...........den, diddle den, diddle den...........How's that' Seannie asked.
We were now joined by Mick who had not enjoyed a single minute on the airplane. 'I think I am jet-lagged from the flight and still feel bloody aweful' he murmoured. 'What's this' called the minder 'only here a few hours and had enough already'. With that Seannie jumped on the minders back and began to shout 'Ride 'em cowboy, ride 'em'.
Seannie jumped off the minders back and rejoined Mick and me. 'Now what would Matt Dillon and Festus Haggen do in a situation like this' Seannie asked. 'I'll tell you' answered Mick 'tell them to stuff their bloody Dude Ranch, feck the horses, set fire to the bunkhouse and mosey right out of here. Lets forget it, it was another one of Paddy's brilliant ideas. Lets go to Vegas instead, it's not far'........................

Answer 2

You're sweet to worry about her feelings regarding this matter, but wouldn't it bring you more pain if God forbid you actually did die or get seriously hurt while deployed and DIDN'T tell her your feelings? I think as long as you approach it gently and let her know there's no pressure on her either way that being honest is the best thing to do for both of you. Good luck!

Answer 3

I got a package in the mail, sent from my best friend Joey. I opened it eagerly, hoping it would be a Christmas present. Turns out I was right. "RIDE 'EM, COWBOY!" the box yelled at me as I opened it. My heart gave a jump and I almost dropped the box, but I managed to keep a grip on it. Curious now, I looked inside. Interestingly, they'd rigged it to yell that in order to give a bit of extra oomph to the present inside. "Tickets to a Dude Ranch?" I muttered to myself. "Really?" A knock came from the door. I hurried to answer it. There stood Joey, and two of my other really close friends, Josh and Katy. "Aw, did you open it already?" Joey sulked. "We heard it from down the hall." I laughed. "That loud, huh?" The three laughed as well. Katy smiled and ran past me into my apartment. "What are you doing?" I asked her. "No time! Can't talk!" I heard her as she ran into my room and started throwing my clothes into a suitcase. "Plane leaves! Ten!" I looked at the clock. "But it's 9:15!" "That's why we have to hurry," Josh chuckled. Needless to say, in a whirlwind of motion, we were gone. The plane ride was uneventful but entirely fun, and before we knew it we were at the Ranch. I could barely keep up with Joey, Josh, and Katy as we hurried inside, greeted the cowboy running the place, threw our stuff into our rooms the hostess led us to, and ran back out to start having fun with horses. Somewhere along the way, though, we had lost track of Joey. "Where'd he go?" I asked. Katy shrugged. "Now what would Matt Dillon and Festus Haggen do it a situation like this?" Josh answered, "They'd saddle up and look around for him, wouldn't they?" We decided he could take care of himself, and went to pick out our horses. I took a dark brown. I've always been partial to brown horses. We got into the saddles and, just as we rode out, we saw Joey riding up to us on a light bay horse. We snickered and guffawed as we saw the outfit he was wearing. The boy had entirely decked out with cowboy garb. The chaps were hilarious, but the hat looked rather dashing on him, actually. "Whooo!" I hollered, picking on him. "I'll meet YOU in the bunkhouse, cowboy!" He tipped his hat, laughing. "Well?" he asked as he rode up. "Do I look like the Duke?" Katy snickered. "You do NOT look like John Wayne... more like Woody Allen trying to BE John Wayne." Joey grinned at her. "I'll ignore that, little lady. Now, let's see if we can replicate the opening scene to Bonanza!" We laughed, and sure enough, we tried. Tried being the operative word. We were pathetic at horse riding. But then again, we'd never done it before. We rode around all day, and even as I speak I'm a little, shall we say... saddle sore. That horse either needs to learn to walk smoother or I need more padding on the saddle. All in all, though, that weekend was absolutely wonderful. It was a great present.